Should I stop dating him or am I overreacting?

[Tcbay52]

I've been seeing this guy from an app for over a month now and so far things have been heading towards the right direction. We have mutual interests and passions, and some future plans related to them. I really like him and I've never clicked with anyone as much before. He mentioned he would like a long-term relationship. I'd already told him I'm not interested in short term flings and we continue to go on dates. I also visited him once but there was no sex since I told him what my view on that is. I prefer to have sex no earlier than 7 dates or so.

However, on our date yesterday I got caught off guard. We started talking about sex-related stuff as he brought up that topic. He mentioned that he would be open to having a threesome. I'm completely against it and I just cannot imagine it (I would be very jealous) and I told him I'm opposed to this kind of 'fun'. I know that if he doesn't pressure me it should be okay but I still feel somewhat offended at the mere statement. It hurts me. It makes me question if he's really as into me as I think he is for an exclusive relationship.. If he was, he wouldn't suggest something like this knowing it could make me mad, would he? I thought we had a connection..

I know that he's allowed to fantasize about other women and I also have fantasies about other men but I would never mention bringing a second guy to the bedroom to a potential boyfriend as I'd be worried about his possibly bad reaction. My logic would be that I'm with him, I love him so I won't ever express a desire to spice things up because he's enough for me. Is this a sign of disrespect or a sign he's not taking me seriously? Is it a good reason to stop seeing him or am I being too harsh?

You two have been hanging out for a month. You two were having an adult conversation about sex. There's nothing wrong with the conversation that you two were having...unless you were uncomfortable and felt offended.

Both of you are getting to know one another...there's nothing wrong with him asking questions and expressing his sexual preferences to you. He probably was trying to figure out sexual compatibility before deciding to go further. He was upfront and honest. Perhaps he was also upfront about it because maybe in the past women lead him to believe that they were into or open to it and really wasn't.

You two are just incompatible. You aren't right for one another. No need to try and force it, or continue being in each other's lives.

End things permanently. Find someone else. If you proceed with him, it's your own doing if you experience heartbreak, shattered optimism, and if your self esteem plummets (assuming you have some) because you allowed yourself to be pressured into things you really didn't want to do...or you agreed to doing things because you were trying to keep a man and relationship.

End things, asap.

99% of men have this fantasy and of course they say they would do it, doesn't mean its going to happen or that they will leave you if you don't agree. Him telling you about it means he can speak freely to you, you've closed it down and let him know it's not something your happy to do. Now ask if that's an issue for him, if he says no then carry on, if he says yes then move on. If every woman ran a mile from every man who fantasised about this the human race would be doomed.

That said though I've just read you met him on an app and he's bringing up threesomes very early on... I would be cautious, he's not out shopping for the third wheel. I'm not saying he definitely is, I'm just abit alarmed at the online dating thing and thus being mentioned within weeks not months or years

Many people out there into non monogamy, swinging and polyamory so fair game if that’s what he’s looking and needs to “subtly ask questions” regarding where she stands in that area. That’s what dating is for: weeding out prospective partners. She should also have a serious conversation if that’s not her thing, the sooner the better.

Well no, if he's looking for swinging or polyamory as he should have established that clearly before meeting. Not several dates in or via subtle questions. That's called timewasting and is quite creepy. I would not want to be delicately sounded out on that matter. I would want to be given the information that someone was looking for those things so I could rule them out (or in) summarily. There may be plenty out there who are looking for that which is fine but it's not the aim of most on mainstream dating.

Nothing wrong with a threesome but I doubt he's actually looking for a long term relationship.

This. Everyone is entitled to their own sexual preferences but they've got to be compatible with the person they are entering a relationship with.

I get that he could just be sounding her out but it's still an alarm bell for me tbh, it's very early days to be bringing this up in my opinion. If your single and dating even if your into this sort of thing, getting to know your new potential partner would come before any suggestion or thought of this. There are alot of men that fantasize about this but if its a deal breaker then in my opinion it isn't love they are looking for... and it still alarms me that hes raised this so early on. In her shoes now I would be wondering if he was actually single sadly.

Ah, so his motives with bringing up sex preferences are more transparent now.

Earlier in your op said ".... I also visited him once but there was no sex since I told him what my view on that is. I prefer to have sex no earlier than 7 dates or so."
And now elaborated that on this occasion "It was the seventh date but still it felt gross"

He's been doing the countdown and figures sex is on the cards and imminent now.
If it had been a conversation that had been flirty and was flowing naturally, fair enough - but it doesn't seem like he was reading the audience and your discomfort.

But if this reeks of him assuming you 'OWE' him something for chalking up 7 dates (?)...... then sling him far, far away.

He's not looking for a long term relationship. He wants a fuck buddy who would be up for booty calls & 3somes etc. Sorry.

Throw him back in the sea.

I think regardless of what you decide to do with this guy, I think you should keep your 7th date rule to yourself going forward.
This is something you need to keep to yourself and when you get to a 7th date if you want to have sex with them great but if not then there's no weirdness or expectations from them.