Liking a Man with 3 kids?

[PinkGuide]

Recently I, 19F, had started talking to my male coworker, 39M, about why we couldn't be in a relationship. My main concern is that he has 3 children, the oldest only being 6 years younger than me. Reading on these threads have made me afraid that mixed families don't really work and that his kids may not like someone as young as me being their father's midlife crisis. All 3 children live with him and personally I think he's an amazing father to his children. I'm maybe looking for advice on whether there's any real problem with me having relations with him and if it's ultimately worth it.

Steer clear. Even if he didn't have all that baggage, you're young enough to be his daughter. It's so gross. He should know better.

I'm 39 and the thought of being with a 19 year old makes me a little queasy.

Run run run … 3 kids and a massive age difference run run run

He should know better and you should concentrate on yourself not think of being a step mum to teenagers whilst you're a teen yourself. You both need to seek someone similar ages to you.

Yuk no. You are way too young to be a stepmum to 3 kids almost your own age. No no no.

Why does he want to be with a 19 year old
No offence but your still a teenager

I think his abit sick to be honest.

What they all said. There are no circumstances in which it would be worth it.

Holy red flag Batman. Run from this man. He's an ick

You have your whole life ahead of you. Why bother with this? Also questionable why a 39yo would be interested in a 19yo. That’s creepy.

This man is old enough to be your father, he’s vile.

He has a teenager.
You are a teenager.
Can't you see how wrong this is?
Run for the hills!

Quite honestly you would have to be insane to want a relationship with a man 20 years older than you who has three children when you are only 19 yourself. Go to bed with him by all means but don't even think about the future with him.

I only mentioned going to bed with him simply because it's clear she's going to do that anyway.

I'm pretty open-minded but I'm giving this a BIG NO.

A twenty year difference at your age is beyond massive - he's literally twice your age.

The thought of my similar aged daughters with a forty year bloke is 🤢. He should be steering well clear of a 'teenager'.

Absolutely not a good idea. He’s twice your age. Even he knows this is not an acceptable relationship. His ex would be furious. His children would be disgusted and furious. Work would be furious. His extended family would be furious. Your parents would be furious. So if he’s still flirting with you despite that then he’s either utterly deluded or has no intention of ever getting into a proper relationship with you, but just wants to sleep with you.
Find someone at the same stage of life as you. It’s alright if there’s a small age gap. If you meet a 24 year old and you click and he’s lovely then it can work. If you’re on a gap year and heading off to uni soon then you will meet many many lovely boys your own age that way. Big age gaps come with power imbalances and difficult decisions and other people to consider (children, ex spouses, disapproving friends and family).
Sometimes there’s an attraction to unsuitable lovers just because they are unsuitable. You could call it the Romeo and Juliet effect. But it doesn’t make for a good relationship. Good, healthy relationships are much easier and are fairly drama free. Long term, life happens and difficult times creep in. But when you’re just starting out in a relationship it should feel simple. You like and respect them, they like and respect you. You’re both sexually attracted to each other. You enjoy spending time together. At 19 it should be that simple.

I would be fucking horrified if you were my daughter.

when I was a lot younger I had a boyfriend 20 years older with teenagers. I look back and feel sick to my stomache.

if I had had a baby with him, I’d still have to see his old smarmy face. My whole family would be a completely different dynamic, complicated and messy.

im thrilled he dumped me, got married and had a child with the next girlfriend. Obvs, no longer together.

I’ve had a wonderful life, travelling the world, having relationships and flings galore. Met my soul mate, got married in my thirties, had a couple of amazing kids, my daughter now being 20. I’ve warned her about men like this, how flattering it can feel, how important they make you out to be.

enjoy your life. Don’t, just don’t go there

Nope. Go live your life and enjoy your freedom.
Dont get tied down with someone twice your age.
And stop thinking he is amazing because he has his children full-time, that’s the bare minimum a parent should be doing. He’s just being a parent.

It's not the three children that is an issue love, and you know this. You're at an age where you wouldn't be planning on staying, unless you can imagine yourself at 29 with a 49y old. Therefore prevent his children from having any future ACEs by walking away.

You did the right thing questioning this decision by asking on here. You know the answer. Let that fire burn out. This is a time to exercise your will power; increasing your personal growth in this manner will set you in good stead for things to come.

Move on. There are plenty of single 19 and 20 something year olds with no kids.

I doubt it would get this far but when you are 40 he would be 60, when you are 60 he will be 80, yes anything can happen but you are setting yourself up to become a young widow and would have to possbly care for an older man, it would restrict your life as you will feel young and he will be at a different stage. Plus you're young and fresh and he is gonna be ageing, of course he wants you!

I remember quite a few girls at college who shacked up with older men with kids. They were groomed into the position of a free au pair, moving in quickly and picking up the child and domestic labour. They were overworked and stressed with the level of work that they unwittingly took on, did poorly at A-levels and ended up trapped while the world moved on.

Don't be the cautionary tale. Run.

Run a mile

I've been where you are. A very similar thread was posted in December, it's all covered in there why you need to run!

I’m 24 and he’s 38, divorced with three children!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4958120-im-24-and-hes-38-divorced-with-three-children

The 3 kids are massively an issue as well as the age.

You really don't want your romantic life dictated by someone else's children at your age without your own.

There will and should be such a lack of spontaneity as a couple with 3. It sounds so completely tedious to me and I'm 37 (I love children but have purposely never dated dads as frankly the logistics get complicated and i don't want to have to factor that in).

You're 19. Bloody enjoy it. Don't be moping after this bloke.

Also if you do get together, I guarantee it will damage his children's perception of him long term. Imagine your dad having a teenage girlfriend when you were in secondary school. I would have been mortified and never viewed him the same.

The fact he can't see that and he is entertaining conversations with you is a red flag.

Terrible idea, absolutely do not fucking do it.

I think it's fucking gross that a 39 year old man with 3 children would even consider this. He's clearly a creepy prick.