Liking a Man with 3 kids?

[PinkGuide]

Recently I, 19F, had started talking to my male coworker, 39M, about why we couldn't be in a relationship. My main concern is that he has 3 children, the oldest only being 6 years younger than me. Reading on these threads have made me afraid that mixed families don't really work and that his kids may not like someone as young as me being their father's midlife crisis. All 3 children live with him and personally I think he's an amazing father to his children. I'm maybe looking for advice on whether there's any real problem with me having relations with him and if it's ultimately worth it.

Yuck! That is seriously gross that he has a teenage child and also fancies a teenager. Grim.

This is a no all round from me. You're way too young to take on all his baggage. If you were 30 and 50 it wouldn't matter but you are young.This also has the potential to cause angst with his teenage daughter. You're probably not going to get on with her and other members of his family won't like your relationship I'd bet. I'd also question what he has in common with you as you're at completely different stages of maturity.

Good god no. Don't do it.

You're 19????!!!!!! 19!!!!!!

You'll end up wasting your younger years being guilt tripped into playing his nanny (and being expected to enjoy it too).

Just don't. Please don't.

Really gross. Steer clear.

Absolutely not. He's in a completely different life stage to you and has three children.

Find someone who can experience life with you. This man has always been through so much life that you haven't yet.

If you were mine I'd get you as far away as possible from this creep. You are 19! The very best time of your life and he wants you saddled with his creepy arse and 3 kids to raise!

You can travel, see amazing things, meet lots of people, build your life!

He wants you stuck at home, pregnant very soon playing DM to his kids. Then when you break up you'll be a single mother. Or if it works out you've got this creep trailing around with you forever. No!

Ring some girlfriends and go out and do something really soon with them!

Absolutely not.

Firstly relationships at your age should be fun and easy.

Secondly you would end up living a very adult life before you need to

Thirdly yes blended families are complicated and are not something to be entered easily and you would be at a disadvantage being significantly younger,

Fourthly there's something really gross about an adult finding someone young enough to be their child attractive, especially when you are still so young g yourself.

Fifthly, it would be very difficult for you to be an equal in this relationship as you should be in any relationship.

Just say no and walk away.

He will turn you into his slave. Stay well away from this man. No matter how much he professes to love you, the chances of this being a good relationship for you are miniscule.

As with every other pp - absolutely not!

If he had your best interests at heart, rather than his own immediate gratification, he wouldn't want him for you either.

That kind of age gap at your age is either a hell of a mid life crisis or possibly an attempt to get an inexperienced girl he can control. You may be very mature for your age, but the power dynamic is still huge and unbalanced, and not at all to your benefit. Ditto money, life experience, energy levels, everything.

You said you're 6 yrs older than his oldest - TBH, he should mentally be thinking of you almost in the same bracket as his kid, and the fact that he's not, and is flirting with you etc makes it massively more creepy than the "standard" level of creep of a middle aged man wanting a barely-adult teen.

When you're 40 & still in prime of life, he'd be 60. He's already got kids, so you'd be tied to his schedule and all of that, and he's unlikely to want more with you if that's something you'd want in the future. Plus even if he did, he'd be exhausted by then and unlikely to be the father you'd want for them.
He might not now, but many men start having ED problems in their 40s as well...

Go enjoy your teens and 20s with guys around your own age, who you'll have a viable future with.

Do NOT start a relationship with this man. You are so young and have so much to experience relationship wise. You do not need to be heading into a situation with three step children and an ex that will always be in your life.

This has red flags all over it. Creepy for a 39 year old man to be interested in a 19 year old to begin with. I know you're an adult now, but a very young one.

At your age, the world is your oyster. You can go to uni, save up money to travel and have adventures and meet new people. Your soul mate could be out there; I met my amazing husband when I went travelling and we've been inseparable ever since!

Don't settle for a middle-aged man who is in a very different stage of life than you.

Everything thats been said.
Its creepy.
Man child peter pan.
Believe me, i was 18 when i went out with a guy 14 years older .no problem initially...then as i got older realised he was a lot older than me, in his ways etc. rarely works..and you won't take on 3 kids easily...there could be massive issues with kids...mum etc. tbh youre barely out of childhood yourself. You don't need that responsibility no matter how 'mature' you are

Do not be the architect of your own misery, OP. Walk on.

He's literally old enough to be your Dad and he has 3 kids. Any 39 year old man interested in a teenager has some major issues. You don't owe him an explanation just stop talking to him.

You’re focusing on the wrong thing OP…

The question isn’t whether you should be worried about his kids….. instead you should be worrying about why he’s showing an interest in you!

A 40 year and a 19 year old?? Surely you can see how inapprorpriate that is.

Stop feeling flattered by his attentions….as I’m sure that’s the only reason you’re even contemplating this….. and then open your eyes as to what a complete sleaze ball he is.

And when you've realised that he’s a total creep for going after a teenager who is young enough to be his daughter I suggest you run in the opposite direction.

This really isn’t okay at all.

I’m gobsmacked that you can’t even see it.

Go have a look at the step parenting board.

(Plus, ew, at the age gap).

40 old men can be attractive and great fun but you have to question why he hasn't got a girlfriend closer to his age. 20 year age gap when you are 19 is bad especially when he has tree kids. Why would you do that to yourself. If you think the guys your age are immature then you may be correct but try hanging out with different people or date someone a few years older.

OP, just go out and enjoy your life. You're 19! Why on earth would you want to play step-mummy to someone else's three DC when you're so young yourself and could be out having fun with people your own age? Please don't get involved with this guy - he's more than twice your age and at a completely different stage of life. And, quite honestly, he's a creep if he's looking at you, who is young enough to be his own DD, as a possible partner. Walk away now and don't get involved. If he wants a new DP, he should be looking at women his own age, and you should be looking at guys who are much closer to your age.

No you're in a different life stage, don't be dragged into a boring relationship with a man that's already had kids and basically just wants to stay in and be boring, you don't have responsibilities, live your life, if you ever want a family down the line, he'll be too old.

@PinkGuide

OP you are young enough to be one of his children. Why oh why would you get involved with someone two decades older than you, with the possibility of being stepmother to his three children who all live with him?

I'm glad you've read on MN about the difficulties that you in particular would face - read more! Especially the Step-parenting board. Don't shackle yourself to this man and his children - you are at too-different stages of your lives.

He should have been the one to back off BTW - but the advantages are loaded in his favour so you need to be the one to be sensible here. 🌹

Creepy as fuck a man approaching 40 is pursuing a teenager only a few years older than his own kids.

You don’t need to give him any reasons other than ‘no thank you’

I know young men of your own age probably seem immature - my own DS is your age and him and his mates seem years younger than the girls at college - but there’s men in the early/mid 20’s who would be a match better match than someone old enough to be you father.

Absolutely not! run far far away from this.

One of the best posts I've read on MN for a long time 🤣

Don’t touch him with a barge pole. He’s old enough to be your dad. What a creep.