How does your partner suggest a bit of slap and tickle?

[Pinkyshoe]

Just curious.
A few hours earlier we have a discussion where I’m in the wrong. I probably am.
I thought I’d tidy but he asks me to watch the apprentice with him. We’ve are sat on separate sofas, no previous moves to cuddle, compliment etc. the show ends and he suggests to go upstairs as the kids are out.
To me the idea comes out of the blue and I’m not prepared at all. I don’t want to strip off in the cold in an unmade bed. It’s odd but he sort of goes inwards, it’s like I may as well not be there. It’s a bit too much info but afterwards he will just say ‘sorry , I’m rubbish in bed ! ‘ And then starts talking about the kids/ his work.
I’ve lost my saucy mojo, is this what I’m supposed to expect ? what do other partners do? Ideas please!
Also if it’s relevant.. and it’s kind of embarrassing, I’m 60 so things are not as firm as they once were and I’m now a wobbly 14. he’s always been big - rugby in youth- but he’s now got an enormous stomach. It’s actually not comfy to be ..you know.
what do other people do ?!

This thread is putting me off my breakfast….

A sex nightie 😅 can just imagine you coming downstairs. He starts getting hard thinking she's got the sex nightie on. This thread omg 😂

Good old hand up the top and kissing the back of my neck over here 😂

🤣🤣🤣

Sex nightie!

Probably feed it to each other 🤮 😬

Shall we get the snickers out darling 😂

😂😂😂

.....How about we get your big toblerone out 🥵

Nothing would put me off faster than him thinking he can have half of my chocolate. Hands off, lover boy!

Aww I guess in his way he was trying to connect with you, the apprentice is a shit choice but he sounds pretty clumsy😆
If I also wanted to connect, in your shoes I think I’d have said ok, you take us a drink up, make the bed, warm it up for me and draw the curtains while I have a quick shower and I’d have put some nice undies on.

we just make a joke like… will you be performing your wifely/husbandly duties any time soon then kind of schedule it in.

there was another thread like this ages back (was much funnier) one husband stood in the door frame and said in a sean bean accent “get thissen upstairs “ still makes me laugh.

Tbh I think you need to start a new thread. It doesn’t sound great your husbands approach….and you need to be in the same page…..

Holy shit balls this has put me right off my coffee.

@fuckingbastard what song would you recommend ? Asking for a friend

It’s usually obvious what he’s got in mind !.

Dear God 🤣

It’s the talking with a deep voice and sharing a chocolate bar that’s doing it for me. I can’t imagine my husbands face if I started talking like a bloke and then got the snickers out, thinking it was a clear prelude to sex. 😂😂😂

My partner will often just get his knob out and start doing some stupid dance which usually makes me laugh more than anything. I have told him outright when he says shall we have sex later it puts me off. I like the spontaneous approach.

last night there’d been some chats and I told him if he wanted some naughty time make an effort whilst I was in the bath. Me thinking couple candles nice music. He went, I don’t understand, what effort? Do you want me to brush my teeth? 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

I think you guys need a conversation and small baby steps to try find that saucy mojo 😜

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at this point..... 😯

mine does exactly the same 😂😂 the other day I was on sofa with my dogs curled up he comes over to show me his prized possession and both my dogs looked and ran away 😂😂 I made a joke about how that’s 3 girls he has turned off it a matter of seconds. Good to laugh isn’t it

This has made me laugh. I’m cringing at some of the foreplay here. They read like a 1970s sitcom. I’m sad noones asked “how’s yer father” yet.

Poor OP this thread has massively derailed. And shows how different we all are, some of the suggestions are so cringe to me. The one whose DP asks for "funsies" ew that'd make my fanny seal up but it works for them. Actually, maybe I'm wrong, maybe the very fact that there's so much variety in what people say/do is helpful OP. There's no standard formula.

Surely you would offer a Yorkie in your deep voice.

OP very sorry your thread has been derailed.

… I don’t say anything I usually just roll around on all fours, on the floor naked, with my arse in the air. I got this idea after watching animals mating on National Geographic once. The males seemed to always respond positively. I don’t bother with the deep voiced growling but I may add that to the mix next time thanks to the PP who suggested it.

Saves a mess with chocolate and a fire hazard.

😆

Hello, sorry, got a bit busy ( no not shagging!) and have just caught up with your wise replies. You’ve all made me laugh a lot! Especially your hubby EG94when he suggests cleaning his teeth as making an effort😀

betterbuckleupbarbara I’m glad it did get derailed, most amusing! I love mn humor.
Thanks for the inspiration, I shall get us both walking and on a diet..oh no! That means no chocolate bar cheekiness!

@Pinkyshoe yes but more importantly did you try my animalistic bare arsed low voiced growling mating ritual!?

Glad you’re sounding more upbeat 😁