Just ended my relationship, handhold please

[PinkCardigan93]

Been together 4 years. I've just ended the relationship and already want to call him back.
Please help me stay strong... Anyone. I feel in shock. I want to be sick.

You’ve got this. Block all communication methods for the time being so it isn’t easy.

Why did you end the relationship?

Here to chat if you want, I'm a week in, it's hard isn't it

It was a straw that broke the camels back situation. It's a long story but he basically just admitted to ignoring my 5 calls when he knew I was anxious and worried about him. He clearly has no respect for me or my feelings and called me controlling.

I'm not at all controlling, but I was genuinely worried for him at this time, and if he cared about me he would have answered or in the very least sent a text.

It's hard to go into the wider context. But, it's reaffirmed he's not a guy I want to be with.

So I told him if he felt that way I don't think the relationship is going to work and ended it.

Good for you. Looks like you’ve a got a bright future ahead of you now.

I feel weirdly numb, no crying. Relief?

Most relationship break ups hurt, completely normal. I think when we break up we’re not very good at enduring the pain for some reason, I don’t know why, but it just happens that way.

Once you actually get through it though and come out the other side most people learn something important from it or declare why they didn’t end it sooner or say they would never go back, so you just have to wait it out really, yes it hurts and your very emotional, but it’s probably for the best.

Numb is normal, after a few days you may back track and think you’ve made a horrible mistake, then possibly anger sets in, then finally indifference. Once you hit indifference your out the other side and over him. You will go through a whole range of emotions.

It's almost 4am, I've been waking all night.
I can't believe he's not tried to call back, text, or fight for us. I wasn't ending it in the hope that he would, it's just he suddenly seems so different.

He's always been pretty attentive, and kind, but lately I have felt a bit taken for granted. And yesterday was like a complete switch, like in one day he had checked out of the relationship. Suddenly he's ignoring my calls, name calling me controlling. It feels very out of the character and out of the blue.

Keep trying to remind myself I deserve better than that. It's confusing, and unkind.

Hard though, the idea that I'm never going to hear or speak to him again. When last week we were planning on buying property together and seemed so happy. Feels very strange.

Just lay here reminding myself of the ways he's been taking me for granted recently. I've realised the relationship has been functioning on the effort I've been putting into it.
I wonder if he checked out a while ago and if I've just made it convenient for him to string it along by filling in the gaps.

Man this hurtsss. I wish I could sleep.

I agree with your reasoning. 😊

Right, honestly DON'T WORRY. I know, I know when you're in the middle of heartbreak you're okay for a moment then it's suddenly like you've lost your breath. It's so painful - it's a REAL pain isn't it haha

But here's the thing - I've been through it too and look how I'm writing 'haha'. I've got a friend who had a 'kitchen crying corner' for her biggest ever breakup. And both of us are 100% recovered.

My biggest breakup was my ex-husband whom I'm been with since university. I didn't sleep for 5 or 6 nights 🙄. Long ago forgotten and I'm remarried now.

Huge hand hold, look after yourself and I know it's a cliché but "Time's a healer".

I did eat a moderate amount of shortbread too - that helps!

Hand hold

@thatgirlinjapan thank you. Ive just woken from probably an hour's worth of sleep and now I'm crying for the first time.

Why doesn't he care enough to reach out? Why did he feel so cold and heartless? What's changed, I don't know who he is.

I think I'm gonna get up and start cleaning.

It is very hard I know. U made a decision that will benefit u in the long run. Even if he did contact u, how long woukd the elation last before it became frustration? Stand by uour decision. Spend time with friends and family. Take care OP

You ended it and told him to go . So he did . If he was being cold and indifferent before he mentally was already moved out . Now he has avoided even having an exit conversation with you. Coward .
You ended it for a reason . Trust yourself. The initial separation is a strange and scary time but it does pass . Each day will get easier . This time next year you will be glad.

U will start to look back and see examples of things that were not right. This normal. Know it won't gave all been bad. Concentrate on each day at a time. If he gas stuff to collect and vice versa fo it without contact or right it off.

I agree with Soonenough. I had been seeing someone for nesrli 2 and a h years. He ended it over the phone. I was polite, in shock initially but after the call distraught . I soon realised thst he had checked out as many things sprung to mind. It gets easier.

God, my head is all over the place. I just want to ring him and say I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it, can we worth it out.

But I need to remember my worth - I deserve a man that meets my needs. I deserve a man who cares about my feelings. I deserve someone who can reassure and support me, and who respects me. KEEP THINKING THIS.

Feeling a bit better after doing a bit of cleaning. Made a big list of all the reasons to end the relationship. There's 22, and I've realised a few of them would be any average-womans deal-breakers. Think my self esteem has been so low I've been too scared of being lonely to realise I was with a walking red flag.

Omg... Hes text me good morning. Do I reply?

Please anyone, I am a mess and need guidance!

No don’t reply - he will just weasel his way back in and then a year, 2 years or whatever - you’ll be in exactly this situation wondering why you didn’t just end it the first time!

22 reasons. TWENTY TWO. Remember that.
Do not reply.
You are worth more than that. 🥰

Don't reply. Just remember how you came to the decision to end it. If course you are feeling bad, that's normal, but you'll come out the other side if you stay strong now. You deserve better.

Oh gawd, I replied.

Why?

What is your goal? If it’s to get back together, good work.

If not, stop now. Stop.