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Relationships

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Original poster

Does a baby fix a relationship?

50 replies

BeOliveHare · 19/03/2024 07:27

Does having a baby fix a relationship? I think not but I feel like I’m the only one! I’m sure having a baby is the most amazing experience but does it bring a couple back together?

My brother and his wife have been married for 4 and a half years. At the start of their marriage they were trying for a baby but unfortunately she suffered a miscarriage. Shortly after, he began an affair with a woman from work. It wasn’t just a physical thing, he says he thinks she’s his soulmate and he’s never felt this way before. He left his job with the intention of being with her because they knew they couldn’t while still working together. But then he hated his new job and he started to realise how difficult it would be to leave because of his house and debts. His relationship with his wife was no longer intimate and they just seemed to be bumbling along. I will never know how she never noticed that he was messaging this other girl all day and night. It’s been going on for nearly 3 years.

Anyway, about 6 months ago this girl told him she couldn’t wait for him to sort himself out anymore. This coincided with his wife realising that she was getting to an age where this was probably her last shot at having a baby. He slept with his wife for the first time in nearly 3 years because he said he felt he had to and he didn’t think she could get pregnant but she did. He says he doesn’t know if he’s happy about it. Before he knew she was pregnant, he and this girl got back together and began seeing each other again. He never told her what had happened. They were still constantly messaging and telling each other how much they loved each other. He is obsessed that this girl is moving on or meeting someone new. Now, this girl has found out about the pregnancy. My brother is absolutely devastated and so disgusted with himself for hurting her and describes what should be the best time of his life as a mess.

My brother and his wife are so in denial about their relationship like this is normal that they don’t spend any time together or sleep together. With a relationship that is so deep rooted in apathy, is this baby going to save it or break them apart for good?

OP posts:

BarbedButterfly · 19/03/2024 07:30

Your brother is a disgusting person and I hope his wife realises it. No babies don't tend to fix relationships, especially when one half of them is a selfish fool. I also don't believe his story at all - slept together once and boom pregnant - van happen but very unlikely in someone with fertility problems

Hoardasurass · 19/03/2024 07:37

To answer your question no it won't make things better.
As for your lying cheating brother, I call complete bs on the no sex for 3 years then did it once and she got pregnant, he's a proven liar, to both his mistress and his wife so why do you think that he's telling you the truth about his marriage?

Shoxfordian · 19/03/2024 07:37

He doesn't have any integrity
Of course a baby won't fix what he's broken

Mamaraisedadoughut · 19/03/2024 07:37

Not really, part of me is in awe that my husbands DNA is what makes my boys have a lot of their physical attributes.

On the other hand, the overwhelming feeling is that he's a useless fuck. He's out of the house as often as he is. He gets opportunity to do whatever he wants. When he's home, I can't drag him off his phone. He snaps at me, he thinks he's helping out by sitting with the kids so I can cook, doesn't think to change them, change their clothes, make up a bottle of indeed wash one, housework isn't touched by him despite me being at home with a baby and toddler, toddler has never napped.
He eats his dinner then falls asleep on the sofa by about 7pm.
He doesn't help with night feeds or waking.

He had a day off on Sunday, I made his breakfast. He helped take the kids to the livingroom and allowed me to get the kids ready for the day whilst he went for a shit...turned out he had a wank in the bathroom too. Then went for a shower.
He then held the kids so I could prepare their bags for the day, as he complained loudly that we had to leave if we were going shopping.

TBH it feels very much like having lots with him has highlighted how very selfish he is.

Original poster

BeOliveHare · 19/03/2024 07:40

Just to be clear my brother is disgusting and I wish his wife would find out what he’s done but obviously with her being pregnant it doesn’t feel right to do

OP posts:

Hillrunning · 19/03/2024 07:42

No, bring a whole other human into existence then caring for it for decades will not fix a poor relationship. Your brothers marriage is beyond poor, it is a fucking state.

MumChp · 19/03/2024 07:44

Never!

Seek counceling instead.

MsPloddingBottom · 19/03/2024 07:50

Obviously not, if he's not even happy about the pregnancy. He should go and be with the other girl and one of you should tell the wife now.

QueSyrahSyrah · 19/03/2024 07:51

Your brother is morally repugnant pig and I sincerely hope the baby breaks up the relationship, for the sake of his Wife who deserves better.

Justkeepswiimming · 19/03/2024 07:51

Absolutely categorically not.

LadyGAgain · 19/03/2024 07:53

No. Bring a parent can be rewarding and wonderful but it's also the hardest job in the world and needs two parents to be aligned if in the same household.
That marriage (if you can call it that) is doomed.

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 19/03/2024 07:57

No, it puts stress onto the relationship.
Babies are hard work.
They scream, cry, shit, piss and vomit.
How does that help an already strained relationship?

DarlingClementine85 · 19/03/2024 08:02

It "fixes" a relationship in that you're then tied together forever through having a child, whether the marriage breaks down or not. So yes, it fixes it - in the sort of superglue fixing your finger to your eyelid sense, rather than the mending sense lol.

fedupwithbeingcold · 19/03/2024 08:06

Of course it doesn't. Your brother's relationship is unfixable and if you believe any of the shit he's telling you, you are just as foolish as his wife and lover

MrTiddlesTheCat · 19/03/2024 08:07

So his pregnant wife doesn't know what he's up to?

Original poster

BeOliveHare · 19/03/2024 08:10

No she has no idea. This is what I mean about this apathy. They don’t do anything together apart from go to our parents for dinner on a Sunday. They don’t socialise with friends. She has one holiday a year and she goes away with her mum. They clearly don’t sit together in the evening because he’s on the phone to this girl the whole time.

OP posts:

takemeawayagain · 19/03/2024 08:10

I hope he loses his wife and his girlfriend. He's messing up everyone's life and is now all set to mess up a child's life.

WoodBurningStov · 19/03/2024 08:13

Your brother should be disgusted with himself for all his behaviour not just hurting the ow. If I was his dw I'd move on and leave the sorry sack of cheating shit to his sorry ass life with no gf in it. Hopefully he'll be sat in a house alone with no family or gf.

Oh and to answer your question, no a baby most definitely does not mend a marriage, in fact the opposite is often true

Moveoverdarlin · 19/03/2024 08:14

Your SIL is going to be a single Mum and your brother will leave her for the other woman. Having a baby creates stress and tiredness in the most perfect of marriages. He’ll probably go back to his wife and child for a bit, then leave her again. He sounds awful.

Olika · 19/03/2024 08:19

Having a child will bring out all the cracks you have in your relationship and it will expose all insecurities you have as an individual so I doubt they will stay together.

mnmnddddd · 19/03/2024 08:23

If you relationship isn't in a really good state, don't have baby.
The end.

rooftopbird · 19/03/2024 08:27

No no no.

This is harsh but the amount of women who have kids with utter cunts who they know will be uses less fathers and an emotional burden on everyone all for life enrages me.

My own mother did so don't start on me.

Channellingsophistication · 19/03/2024 08:33

This is awful as a baby is going to be brought into this relationship that is doomed. Babies I think can make you closer if you are close already, but that’s not the case here. Your brother isn’t even happy about the baby.

He has behaved appallingly as you know. If he had no children with his wife, I wonder why he didnt leave her for OW, if he thinks so much of her.

He ought to come clean to his wife, she can at least make a decision about her life

MonsteraMama · 19/03/2024 08:34

You've known about your brother's affair for three years and haven't told your poor SIL? I don't think I could do that. I love my sisters in law, if I found out my brothers were carrying on like that behind their backs I don't think I could be complicit in keeping their secrets for them.

Poor woman. Poor baby. What a mess.

Opentooffers · 19/03/2024 10:06

He's literally fallen on his sword and I have little sympathy. He's obviously spun you his version of events. If he can't end a 'sexless' relationship for his 'soulmate' after 3 years, he's the one who has major apathy, or is just plain lying about events to you in an attempt to garner some sympathy.

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