Dating guy for couple of months red flag

[jinx1986]

Been dating a guy seeing him for a couple of months. Lovely guy but then if we have a drink he will push me. Last night he stood over me and I playful pulled my tongue out. And he clapped his hands across my face. So each hand his my ears. He did it that hard it felt like a flash in my eyes. A few weeks ago we went out with friends and he pushed me jokingly I didn't fall. But then later on I went to give him a kiss and he pushed me to the ground.

I've spoke to him about it and he shrugged it off like it's nothing and he was drunk.

I'm going to end it with him. I really liked him but I feel it's more when I told him he laughed it off. Made it out like i was being overly sensitive,

I don't think I'm asking for advice I think I just needed to tell someone. I've been in an abusive relationship just trying to spot things early on. 😞

My ex started off with “playful” squeeze above the knee that always hurt, no matter how many times I told him to stop he kept doing it and the too hard hug, the forceful hand hold. He’s testing you, it’s not accidental, it’s not playful, it’s deliberate and planned to see what he can get away with, accept it and he will escalate.
My now DP squeezed above my knee once, not hard, didn’t hurt me, I told him I didn’t like it, didn’t explain just said please don’t do that, I don’t like it, he said sorry and never did it again because he’s a decent man who respects boundaries and doesn’t want his partner to be anything other than happy and comfortable.

absolute red flags, stay safe and run!

Echoing what every poster has said.
Ditch this abuser.

If you don't get rid of him he will continue to physically abuse you. Get out now.

Made it out like i was being overly sensitive

Another pattern.

Abuse. Victim complains. Abuser says victim is being oversensitive.
Abuse. Victim doesn't complain for fear of being over sensitive.
Abuse.
Abuse.

It's just that if things are like this after 2 months what would they be like after 2 years? You are better than this.

I know that's what's in my head if he's doing stuff like this now it will be worse. I know this sounds weird but the more I think on stuff he is sickly nice but with a drink isn't. It's all a cover.

He messaged me about an hour ago and asked if wanted to meet I said no and just said didn't feel it was going any were. He didn't take it well but I didn't feel comfortable meeting up with him. Also didn't want to wait any longer just wanted to get it done.

Wasn't very nice like he normally is.

Feel a bit crappy that I did it over a text. Said I would ring to explain he said don't bother so I won't. Feel relieved been feeling anxious lately I think it's that

Well spotted.

Glad you are getting out of that one. It’s almost as if he is training and testing you to see if you accept it, with worse in store further down the track! The fact that he made excuses when you brought it up as something you don’t like, tells you everything you need to know about him.

That’s good. You do not want or even need to meet up or explain anything.

Well done, OP!
Good decision.
No one should have to put up with that crap.

Glad you didn't meet up with him. Well done OP

Yeah I noticed a feeling of relief once I'd ended things with mine tbh.

I dont know if it's linked but I always used to feel anxious when he left. Perfectly happy together but randomly anxious when he was gone.

Maybe its just easier to see red flags when you're not actually with the person. When you can take a step back and examine.

I tried to put it down to overthinking at first as it was my first relationship in years.

But then it became evident my gut was trying to tell me something when he acted that way.
I think our subconscious reads subtle cues from them constanly tbh. And when something doesn't sit right, we should listen to it.

Glad you've told him where to go op. Don't be surprised if he crops up again demanding a face to face meeting. Just remember 'no' amd 'because I don't want to' are complete sentences. You don't owe anyone like him your presence.

Run. He is seeing what he can get away with. It will get worse.

OP please be careful…. He had you lined up in his head as his next victim (I have no doubt that he has done this before) - and you are not‘ ‘obeying the rules’ of his game which will displease him. Just be a little wary for a while… he may well turn up out of the blue (not!) at your home or place of work or your corner shop… he might well believe that you have somehow wronged him by refusing to participate in his scenario. I honestly am not trying to scare you- I am speaking from experience and I want you to be safe xx

Block his number as well.
My ex used to do similar things and unfortunately I ignored the red flags and stayed way longer than I should have

Hey @jinx1986 - well done you.

I still have a concern about what he might do to the next woman he gets involved with.

Anyone - what's the best way to get this on record for future reference - are the police going to be that interested if you don't want to bring any action? Clearly many of us find his behaviour worrying.

Yes the more you post the more awful he sounds. Dont back downz

Run

Why are you asking the obvious?

Thank you for posting. I am old now and married to a lovely man who has never suggested violence in the 23 years we’ve been together. I don’t really need your post thankfully. But others will.

Well done for noticing,quickly and for getting rid of immediately.

Some of these stories are shocking. What is the matter with these fuckers? Nature or nurture?

Well done!

Well done. Take care.

God he sounds really frightening. I'm so glad you have dumped him. Do you live alone? Do you have a ring doorbell? If not I would really consider getting one ASAP. I don't like the sound of that man at all.

Well done op! You did the right thing.