How do you explain how you feel to someone who's gaslighted you for years?

[ssd]

Without crying??

You don't. Because they don't care.

Unless it's 'I have filed for divorce.' They still won't care about how you feel and will still try to convince you that it's all in your head, but it gets a pretty clear message across.

There’s no point trying to explain anything to an abusive person. Your thoughts and feelings and opinions don’t matter to them.
Just cut them off.

You don't. Utterly pointless. They won't listen anyway.

Find your anger about their disdain of you.

But I'm not sure explaining how you feel is effective with a person who would do that.
The whole point is, they don't care about your feelings.

What do you want from this?
Remorse, realisation, (sincere) apology, empathy? Vanishingly unlikely

To effect change? You'll have to be constantly en garde.

To blast them before you leave for ever? Mmmm, that might make you feel better.

You don’t. You block them instead and have nothing more to do with them. Say no more to being abused.

First message nails it.

You can't explain anything to someone like that - they know. They just don't care. They will never, ever accept responsibility for anything. It will always be your fault.

Wipe your eyes and cut all contact with them entirely. It is the only way to deal with someone like this.

It’s pointless. Sorry.

Agree with pp.

If you can seek counselling. And seperate.

It's done by them intentionally and designed to make you suffer so there is absolutely no point as they won't listen or care. Dont cry, instead congratulate yourself for finally realising the truth. The best thing you can do is block them on everything and have nothing more to do with them.

You don't. All it does is validates their actions and proves their plan has worked.

Gaslighting is intentional - done with the intention to cause hurt, upset and confusion so they don't care it upsets you, apart from thinking "yes, my plan worked". Knowing that makes them feel powerful, validated, alive.

It depends what you want to explain to them and why. The only helpful and healthy thing I would want to say to a gaslighter is that I knew what they were doing and that it wasn't working anymore. That I knew I was not imagining it, and that they no longer had any power to convince me otherwise. Two sentences and take my leave without waiting for their reply.

You don't explain, you take action and leave.

You honestly don't bother. They will continue to do it, not listen and most probably call you mad. Plus, if you do, you will end up feeling worse because of their response.
Save your time and energy. Read some books, have some therapy, but try not to waste any more mental or emotional time on them than you have to xx

You don't. You cry privately if you must and you seek out friends who will listen to you if you can't get counseling. Do not share your heart with a pig, they can only eat it dear.

Thank you

If you'll find it cathartic to get it all out then write them an email then block them. Otherwise just block them, they will never accept they have done anything wrong.

The gaslighter wouldn't believe you. Just give them another opportunity to gaslight you.

Some gaslighting is done to drive the victim mad or to suicide so the perpetrator wins the house/business whatever. (must watch the film again, as I remember he was so subtle and gradual)
Some is done only because they enjoy having the control over you. at times they play with your feelings by being 'nice' then they turn the screw again to enjoy seeing the victim squirm.
It don't matter which, they know. They know far better than you because they are outside of you observing and recalculating at your every reaction.

They are totally spiteful, as bad a blackmailing.
Take whatever is of value that is portable and then make distance your objective.

Don’t hand them the bullets to shoot you with.

Well done for your insight.

The best revenge is - detach, distance, dignity - all actions - no words - drop the rope they are playing you with. Don’t inadvertently be part of their game.

Walk. Don’t talk.

Don't waste your time, get them out of your life if you can.

You don't.

If a psychopath kidnapped you and proceeded to cut off your limbs one by one, would you waste your energy trying to tell them to stop because they are cutting you up and the pain feels like... xyz?

You need to understand, the gaslighter KNOWS what they are doing. It's PART of the gaslighting that they act clueless.

Stop trying to explain to a knife that it injures you.

Stop looking to the cause of your pain to heal it.

Remove the knife and stay the fuck away from it.

OP you dont explain yourself.

Dont explain, dont engage and grey rock.

Explaining gaslighting to someone who gaslights, well that will only be an entertainment for that individual, they know what they have been doing is working and will only escalate their abusive nature in other ways towards you.

They already know. That’s why they do it. I believe the phrase is “It’s a feature not a bug”

You don't. Any vulnerability you expose will be used against you by them. They will use the information to manipulate and harm you.

This is who they are, and this is what they do.

Why bother? Just go.