How do you explain how you feel to someone who's gaslighted you for years?

[ssd]

Without crying??

NeverDropYourMooncup

You don't. Because they don't care.

First reply has it. And it can go even further than that - lots of them get off on your pain, so they enjoy you explaining how hurt you are.

You don’t.
Wanting them to understand or care about your feelings would be like telling your cat to start behaving like a dog.

You can't you never will. They will twist it and use it against you at worst, and at best they won't care.

Don't even try.

Walk away.

Accept the fact that you'll never get closure.

I came on to say the same as @HopeFloatsAbove .

If you don't have to ever see them again then block them.

If, like me you have to co parent with them (it's been 14 years now and he's got worse every year) then Grey Rock is your friend. I get blamed for something virtually every day. But I ignore all the shit and accusations and reply back if required and only short factual answers.

But unless you absolutely must have this person in your life - don't ever engage with them again. They love it, and love seeing you react to it. They live for it. Don't give them that satisfaction.

You don't/can't.
They are committed to acting like they misunderstand you even though they understand you perfectly well.
You're never going to find the perfect choice of words that makes them see sense, because the way you are explaining it is not the issue and never was.

In my experience they don’t believe you. Best walk away you know the reasons. That’s enough.

Don't give them the power of knowing how much they have affected you. Walk away from the relationship and have as little to do with them as possible.