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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bad gut feeling about this early on relationship

29 replies

Animallover990 · 15/03/2024 22:47

For the last six months this guy has tried to love bomb the hell out of me , I was flattered first that he seemed to know everything about my life and take that much of an intrigue in me. But he was married and although nothing ever happened it felt as if he was pushing the boundaries with how much time we spent talking. Fast forward few months his wife has asked for a divorce, he comes onto me strong and hard in the first week he’s trying to convince me we’re meant to be and is going around telling everyone mutual we know we are together. I’ve also noticed when I’ve tried telling him I want to slow down, I’m moving away it will get quickly and strongly over ridden or I’ll just be told I am scared of how much we like each other. I have noticed if we’re shopping together he will try and control all my choices of what to get, i will be firm and say no I don’t want those things x y and z but he will persist, it’s micro management of everything and when I say no he shows this other side of him where he just goes silent or really sarcastic with me or put downs. He has researched every area of my life to try and “help” me with struggles I am going through at the moment particularly financial. I felt yesterday almost he was getting a kick out of telling me I couldn’t afford the cheapest items and I was so skint he kept saying “I feel so bad for you”- nb. I earn much more in my job than him I’m just in an inbetween stage atm with jobs. I just get a seriously bad gut feeling about it all. Then my mind keeps flipping and telling me I’m over reacting and he’s just going out of his way to help me out with my life and really cares about me and he’s just coming across the wrong way without realising it.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/03/2024 22:50

RUN

just like his wife has !!!

Dontforgetthesalamander · 15/03/2024 22:52

Why are you giving this married man the time of day? Why are you going shopping with him?

Grimchmas · 15/03/2024 22:53

Why is there any doubt in your mind?

BigPussyEnergy · 15/03/2024 22:54

He’s controlling, won’t take no for an answer and has unilaterally decided you’re together just weeks after his wife left him. WTF?!

I echo literally everyone who has posted and will post - Run for the hills

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 15/03/2024 22:56

OP

What do you want to say as you already have the answer.

AdoraBell · 15/03/2024 22:59

Trust your gut, he is controlling you and this will get worse. Stand firm and tell him to stop/fuck off/drop dead. Also tell friends - No, I am not with him, he’s just trying smother me.

ThreeEggOmlette · 15/03/2024 22:59

From your account, he's a controlling cheat who doesn't respect your boundaries.

Why would you waste your time here?

TheShellBeach · 15/03/2024 23:01

There's literally nothing good about this man.

Run for the hills.

OurfriendsintheNE · 15/03/2024 23:05

So many red flags. Get rid quick OP!

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 15/03/2024 23:06

Saying ‘No’ to a man is always a litmus test…
If he reacts badly, he’s NOT the man for you.
(Or anyone else for that matter)

blacksax · 15/03/2024 23:08

You're not allowed your own opinions, you're not allowed to make choices, and he criticises and belittles every single thing about your life.

What could possibly go wrong?

Come on - you have a seriously bad gut feeling about this because it IS bad. Really bad. Red flags of Titanic proportions, and just as disastrous.

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2024 23:10

How many of us are going to have to give you a virtual slap before you wake up and get rid of this walking red flag? Are you wanting to fuck your life up? Go talk to his wife. She'll give you good advice, I'm sure.

RadRad · 15/03/2024 23:10

Controlling predator behaviour, do you come across as insecure in his presence? Run for the hills.

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/03/2024 23:27

Oh my God he sounds absolutely awful! Why would you even think of being with him? Have you heard of the sunk cost fallacy where you think you've invested so much time and effort in someone that you should stay with them?

Sockdolager · 15/03/2024 23:31

Do you really have to ask?

Seeleyboo · 15/03/2024 23:42

So many red flags it's like bunting foe Red Nose Day.....run

Towerofsong · 15/03/2024 23:45

His wife must have been so relieved that he got interested in you and she could get away while his attention was elsewhere.

Don't walk away. Run!

HanaJane · 15/03/2024 23:48

Leave now before you get in too deep

Mmhmmn · 15/03/2024 23:48

GIANT. RED. FLAGS. Listen to your gut. Do not get into something with this guy - narc alert 🚨

trythisforsize · 15/03/2024 23:48

It's just the beginning.

It will get much, much, much worse.

Save yourself, and quickly.

MrsDoubtfire24 · 16/03/2024 00:01

I wonder if there is a bit more to this story, and if maybe you got in over your head and you’re now saddled with this pig. Are you younger than him?

Why do you feel obligated to him op? Have you agreed to be in a relationship with him?

Fortitudinal · 16/03/2024 00:03

Dump this sinister dickhead immediately and don’t doubt yourself for a second.

Getitgirl · 16/03/2024 10:03

If you lie down with dogs you get fleas.

have the day you deserve, OP.

AgnesX · 16/03/2024 10:05

What on earth are you doing even entertaining this man. He sounds appalling (not least having just left his wife or whatever that situation is).

HungerPangs · 16/03/2024 10:07

He is a walking red flag. Why do you even need to ask? Get away from him. Grey rock ‘This isn’t working for me’ and cut contact.

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