Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Girlfriend behaviour towards daughter

31 replies

Dominic1990 · 15/03/2024 22:13

Hi some advice…

long story short me and gf live together have baby once gf got pregnant the way she was with my daughter changed she has never developed any bond and criticisers her a lot. Daughter is now 9yo our baby son is 11 months. We nearly split due to way she was with my daughter then after coming to blows we both said we try again and put in more effort. My daughter struggles with sever anxiety and I Beleive this is making it worse, she know aknoleges her says hello and asks her how school is.

today I bought my daughter a cookie from Millie’s cookies before we get her from school and then my gf was not happy about this saying I didn’t buy my son one ( I thought he a bit young ) and then I apologised and asked if we can stop talking about it and she carry’s on all way to school and then says I’m just dropping you here you can find your own way back while it’s raining. It is 1.5-2 hour bus ride for me
to get back. Was I in the wrong ?

I feel like I am questioning myself all the time lately, I bring up a issue or how I feel about something then I’m made to feel crazy.

OP posts:

Throwawayme · 15/03/2024 22:19

No you've not. She sounds awful

Pinkbonbon · 15/03/2024 22:21

SHE sounds crazy.

Get her away from your daughter.

It's unfortunate that you've had a child with this woman but you can still be a father to him without having her as a gf. Or her being around your daughter.

Tbh it sounds like you might even be in an abusive relationship. Hard to know as maybe you said something that deserved being kicked out of the car. But either way, time to end this.

'This isn't working. I'm not happy in this relationship and neither are you. Let's go our seperate ways and just try to coparent like mature adults'.

MrSlant · 15/03/2024 22:23

Oh lovely you were not in the wrong. This is not a kind way to have been treated. Hard as it is for you and your daughters mental health it might be best to try and find a way to exit this relationship.

MissingMoominMamma · 15/03/2024 22:25

She sounds spiteful, and that will impact your daughter hugely.

comfyoldcardi · 15/03/2024 22:26

Remove your poor daughter from this awful living arrangement. No wonder she is anxious. You need to provide a safe place for you and your daughter away from toxic gf and share parenting of your other child separately. You have created a bad situation and your daughter is being damaged.

3peassuit · 15/03/2024 22:27

Put your daughter first, this nasty behaviour from your gf must be harmful and increase her anxiety. Could you coparent your son and live away from the girlfriend?

Screamingabdabz · 15/03/2024 22:28

Your poor dd. Children have no agency in this and she will be very anxious being around an adult who actively dislikes her and punishes you for being nice to her. This is an abuse. Please do the right thing and protect your dd.

BobbysSox · 15/03/2024 22:40

Your girlfriend is a spiteful bully.
Please don't allow her to be around your daughter. This sounds really damaging for her. I know it must be hard as you have a child of your own together but you need to make a stand and not tolerate this nasty behaviour from her. Your daughter is too young to be able to stand up for herself so you need to step up for her. If you don't then I'm afraid as she gets older there may be consequences for your relationship as she may feel you've put her stepmother first

Pinkbonbon · 15/03/2024 22:55

Ps: consider getting the snip. Two kids with two different women is plenty and you don't want tied to any more bad people via children.

I'd happily say the same to women too tbh (incase ppl call it hypocrisy). But for men it's a much more simple and uninvasive procedure.

Isthatascratchonmygrandmother · 15/03/2024 23:00

Show her the replies on this thread. If her reaction is anything other than the dawning realization of her shitty behavior followed by regret then end it for the sake of your daughter. Be prepared for a difficult road with co-parenting your son though.

Original poster

Dominic1990 · 15/03/2024 23:02

Pinkbonbon · 15/03/2024 22:55

Ps: consider getting the snip. Two kids with two different women is plenty and you don't want tied to any more bad people via children.

I'd happily say the same to women too tbh (incase ppl call it hypocrisy). But for men it's a much more simple and uninvasive procedure.

Oh don’t worry if this does not work out I will be retiring from women and just focusing on being a dad. I would not get the snip I am not irresponsible my daughter was planned and I was with her mother for 12 years. I am
not one these guys who goes around planting his seed.

a “simple process” just the word “snip” is enough to put me off.

OP posts:

TheShellBeach · 15/03/2024 23:04

You came to blows?
You hit each other?

Copperoliverbear · 15/03/2024 23:09

Why are you even with this woman take your daughter and see about custody of your baby, she not right.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/03/2024 23:10

I think you two should go and see a family therapist - even if you do split you'll still have to deal with her so I think you should get professional help with this

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/03/2024 23:12

Copperoliverbear · 15/03/2024 23:09

Why are you even with this woman take your daughter and see about custody of your baby, she not right.

She sounds horrid mooody and jealous but I don't think taking an 11 month old away from its mother is the answer to this problem.

I think the gf does have issues but they MAY be solvable with family therapy especially if she has post natal depression - but in the meantime protect your daughter from her

whatsitcalledwhen · 15/03/2024 23:13

You said it came to blows. What did you mean?

Was your daughter witness to that?

Your poor little girl, whether she saw that or not. What a horrible experience for her to live with someone who so clearly sees her as a second class citizen, and her father (until recently, hopefully this will now change) sharing a bed and a life with her bully.

Original poster

Dominic1990 · 15/03/2024 23:18

Came to blows I meant after putting up with so much I said I can’t do this anymore we split for a few weeks and then agreed we was going try again I would acknowledge what bothers her and not be so defensive about my daughter and she will try with my daughter. My daughter has
not witnessed anything as I will always tell her to not kick off in front of her.

OP posts:

TheShellBeach · 15/03/2024 23:19

So you didn't physically hit each other?

Original poster

Dominic1990 · 15/03/2024 23:24

TheShellBeach · 15/03/2024 23:19

So you didn't physically hit each other?

No we have never been like that, and I don’t think she would get physical. And if she did I would end it on the spot.

OP posts:

Secondstart1001 · 15/03/2024 23:33

Your GF is jealous of your DD and your DD’s anxiety getting worse as she can feel the GFs animosity. Is your Dd with you full time? If so I don’t think you should be living with her like this! Getting so riled up about a cookie a baby shouldn’t eat ffs! Those cookies are massive and even if you broke a bit off to give to him that would be enough! But that isn’t the point, she clearly doesn’t like your Dd and is jealous of the child! She gives step parents a bad name!

whatsitcalledwhen · 16/03/2024 00:21

You should be careful about your wording if you discuss this with anyone. 'Came to blows' means having a physical fight.

Lookingoutside · 16/03/2024 00:27

Get the snip and get rid of her. Get legal advice and make sure contact with your baby is court ordered. ❤️

Mmhmmn · 16/03/2024 00:31

She’s nuts and will be making your daughter’s anxiety worse. She’s clearly not a safe person for your daughter to be around.

MamaWillYouBuyMeAWillYouBuyMeABanana · 16/03/2024 00:34

This isn't a healthy relationship at all, your dd will be looking at you to see how relationships work and what to put up with, is this the future you want for her?

You may think she doesn't see anything, but her anxiety proves otherwise.

As difficult as it is you need to get a plan in place and leave.

The advice to show an abusive partner this thread is terrible, don't do that.

And stop being squeamish about having the snip, adding another baby into the mix here, whether by your current partner or a future one is a recipe for disaster. Think of your kids and get it done.

ShakeNvacStevens · 16/03/2024 00:47

On the face of it your GF sounds awful but I don’t think we have enough info. When you say she criticises your daughter, can you give us an example? You said of your GF “I would acknowledge what bothers her and not be so defensive about my daughter” so I’d be interested to know whether your perception of criticism could just be your GF expecting some basic manners or hygiene or a reasonable bedtime etc?

Leaving you in the rain sounds really shit of her but do you drive? Are you expecting her to ferry you around? How did you pick your daughter up from school before GF was on the scene? Do you pull your weight with new baby or only focus on your older child so this was the last straw for her? I feel like there is a lot of back story here. And if there isn’t, and your GF truly is that awful, stop being a shit dad and put your child first by ending this relationship.

Flip

1 2