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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it me?

27 replies

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 15:21

My B/SIL is driving me and hubby absolutely nuts!

For many, many years, they have kind of "copied" what we have done or said we want to do, etc.. Sounds mad, but it was things like if we said we were planning a trip to Northern Scotland to do the NC500, suddenly they would do it... That kind of thing. We ignored it until covid hit, and then everything just went pete tong.

I started a business, very niche.. Only 1 other business in the city did this particular service.. Within 3 months, she started up the very same business! When questioned, she said she didn't know I'd started the business up, which is complete lies. Then, there have been instances of her buying tickets to concerts that we are going to or booking holidays to places we have been, we bought a car in Oct, suddenly they need a car in Nov! I got my hair dyed half copper (dip dye), and she got hers half red... Exact same style but in a different colour. I had my nails done in red with reindeer for Christmas. She got the same design but shimmery red instead of glittery red. We had booked a landscaper to do our garden and suddenly 2 weeks later, low and behold they are doing their garden!

We have now stopped telling anybody what we are planning or what we have done, we don't post on Facebook, etc. We feel like everything we do or plan to do, they copy, and its driving me absolutely crazy.

Am I crazy? It's really starting to freak me out a bit, tbh and it's causing issues within the further family. We had arranged to go and visit an aunt in another part of the country, BIL, then asks if they could come on that same day as they wanted to see her on that date! It was a random date we selected around work commitments.... nothing special such as a birthday, etc.

Hubby & I have massively distanced ourselves over the last few years, but it's still happening. Always a competition for mothers Day or Christmas, who buys the best gifts for the in laws etc and I just can't cope with it anymore.

OP posts:
PurplePanda1 · 13/03/2024 15:25

I think all you can do is ignore this behaviour and stop letting it get to you so much.

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 15:26

We had arranged to go and visit an aunt in another part of the country, BIL, then asks if they could come on that same day as they wanted to see her on that date!

why did you tell them you were going?

i am a tad skeptical of the posts about people copying them for some reason! 😆

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 15:30

Always a competition for mothers Day or Christmas, who buys the best gifts for the in laws etc and I just can't cope with it anymore.

what can’t you “cope with” anymore? you say you hardly see them

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 15:32

And you also can’t stand your MIL according to your other recent thread?!

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:01

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 15:26

We had arranged to go and visit an aunt in another part of the country, BIL, then asks if they could come on that same day as they wanted to see her on that date!

why did you tell them you were going?

i am a tad skeptical of the posts about people copying them for some reason! 😆

We didn't, aunt mentioned it in passing.

I cant keep up trying to keep the MIL happy by indulging in the competitions for mothers day, birthdays etc.. The usual facebook/SM nonsense but thanks for your reply.

OP posts:
FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:12

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:01

We didn't, aunt mentioned it in passing.

I cant keep up trying to keep the MIL happy by indulging in the competitions for mothers day, birthdays etc.. The usual facebook/SM nonsense but thanks for your reply.

and aunt probably thought that it would be nice to have them over at the same time!!

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:13

I cant keep up trying to keep the MIL happy by indulging in the competitions for mothers day, birthdays etc.

so don’t? how does that even work? you buy a gift and she says “that’s shit”?

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:13

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:12

and aunt probably thought that it would be nice to have them over at the same time!!

Yes perhaps. It's a two hour drive but perhaps she did. Maybe a coincidence.

OP posts:
FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:15

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:13

Yes perhaps. It's a two hour drive but perhaps she did. Maybe a coincidence.

thats what i would assume

aunt mentions you visiting on. X date and i may it would be nice if they joined at same time

i suspect you see shadows where there are none a lot of the time

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:15

and cleaning is not a niche business OP

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:16

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:15

and cleaning is not a niche business OP

No it isn't, but that's not the business in question 😊

OP posts:
FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:17

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:16

No it isn't, but that's not the business in question 😊

well according to your other thread it is 🤷

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:18

I have a ft cleaning business which works well around the cat sitting.

or has that changed in the last week?

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:19

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:17

well according to your other thread it is 🤷

I have 3 businesses but thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Its really set my mind at rest 😊

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 13/03/2024 16:23

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:18

I have a ft cleaning business which works well around the cat sitting.

or has that changed in the last week?

Calm down Miss Marple, don't you have anything better to do than trawl through people's posting history to try and "gotcha" them with something that's actually irrelevant to the thread they're posting?

OP the only thing you can do about behaviour like this is completely ignore it, or have fun with it. I'm thinking bald cap and a "oh I shaved my head for charity!", I'm thinking fake tattoos, I'm thinking plans to sell your new car and buy you and your husband His & Hers blue and pink Vespas. See how far they'll go.

mummymeister · 13/03/2024 16:25

Have you ever confronted them about this? just sat them down and made it clear that its irritating you and to ask why they do it? I guess they just lack imagination to do things for themselves. if it were me I would be "oh how fantastic you are going to Cornwall just after we said we would. Thats so flattering to know that you think our holiday planning is so great you just want to copy. wow, how wonderful" its sarcastic it might go over their heads but similarly it might get the point across. I would also be tagging her in my next post saying hey xx just in case you wanted to book your next trip and be the same as us as usual here are our details. You are welcome.

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:26

MonsteraMama · 13/03/2024 16:23

Calm down Miss Marple, don't you have anything better to do than trawl through people's posting history to try and "gotcha" them with something that's actually irrelevant to the thread they're posting?

OP the only thing you can do about behaviour like this is completely ignore it, or have fun with it. I'm thinking bald cap and a "oh I shaved my head for charity!", I'm thinking fake tattoos, I'm thinking plans to sell your new car and buy you and your husband His & Hers blue and pink Vespas. See how far they'll go.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 If I had the patience and time, I would. Its all abit silly really but it just annoys me insanely! I'll have to make my peace with it.

OP posts:
travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:28

mummymeister · 13/03/2024 16:25

Have you ever confronted them about this? just sat them down and made it clear that its irritating you and to ask why they do it? I guess they just lack imagination to do things for themselves. if it were me I would be "oh how fantastic you are going to Cornwall just after we said we would. Thats so flattering to know that you think our holiday planning is so great you just want to copy. wow, how wonderful" its sarcastic it might go over their heads but similarly it might get the point across. I would also be tagging her in my next post saying hey xx just in case you wanted to book your next trip and be the same as us as usual here are our details. You are welcome.

Yes, always a coincidence. My hubby just thinks "let them crack on" but it bothers me. I maybe need to work on it.

OP posts:
mummymeister · 13/03/2024 16:29

but its not a coincidence is it so call it out and call a shovel a shovel! Let them know that you know they are copying you. if it bothers you then you cant just ignore it can you. so make a thing of it and make them feel silly.

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:34

mummymeister · 13/03/2024 16:29

but its not a coincidence is it so call it out and call a shovel a shovel! Let them know that you know they are copying you. if it bothers you then you cant just ignore it can you. so make a thing of it and make them feel silly.

I'll do this next time it happens. I'm keeping myself to myself anyways from now on and not telling family members our plans etc but things still find a way of coming out.

OP posts:
FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:35

MonsteraMama · 13/03/2024 16:23

Calm down Miss Marple, don't you have anything better to do than trawl through people's posting history to try and "gotcha" them with something that's actually irrelevant to the thread they're posting?

OP the only thing you can do about behaviour like this is completely ignore it, or have fun with it. I'm thinking bald cap and a "oh I shaved my head for charity!", I'm thinking fake tattoos, I'm thinking plans to sell your new car and buy you and your husband His & Hers blue and pink Vespas. See how far they'll go.

because it suggests the Op is kind of exaggerating

a cleaning business isn’t “very niche”!!

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:36

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:34

I'll do this next time it happens. I'm keeping myself to myself anyways from now on and not telling family members our plans etc but things still find a way of coming out.

do you all live very close

you have started threads about your MIL and another one about all the toxic shenanigans amongst family members directed at you

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:36

all sounds like maybe you’re at the epicentre of the drama 🤷

ill bow out you’ll be pleased to know! 😆

travelmadmum23 · 13/03/2024 16:37

FunnyFinch · 13/03/2024 16:36

all sounds like maybe you’re at the epicentre of the drama 🤷

ill bow out you’ll be pleased to know! 😆

Have a lovely day

OP posts:
DrunkenElephant · 13/03/2024 16:40

@FunnyFinch what is your problem?

You constantly rip OP’s apart, you did it yesterday and then “bowed out” when people pointed out you had misunderstood the original post.

Going back through previous threads to catch posters out is weird behaviour, are you just deliberately trying to be a dick?