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Original poster

Have I been ghosted

55 replies

Ash2345f · 12/03/2024 17:39

I went on a 2nd date on Sunday with a guy I have mutual friends with, it went really well he stayed over as we both had drinks. He left the following morning we both said good bye kissed etc it was great. He then text me when he got home he said he had a great time and I was ‘class’ I text him later that day and got no response I put this down to him being a little hungover. So I text him today around 11am just saying hope you’re over your hangover I have some unexpected free time tonight if you want to meet up. I have heard nothing i am so confused given the feedback post date….am I now being ghosted?!

OP posts:
Zarahlovesthebeach · 13/03/2024 09:35

@Ash2345f really sorry to hear this.
It's not nice to be ghosted at all
I personally wouldnt send another message, If its awkward when you bump into each other, it should only be awkward for him, he is the one that has behaved terribly.
Also I'd advice to speak to new people , it really helps to forget that person and move on quickly, believe me I expect hes been talking to others throughout your dating , I'm learning this is what it's like these days unfortunately.
Sending you a hug :) x

faxnoink · 13/03/2024 09:40

No don't message. You don't want 3 unanswered messages. He'll tell people you were obsessed or something stupid.

If you see him at a friends just give a casual hi and keep moving.

Lurkingandlearning · 13/03/2024 09:57

Don’t message again, don’t let him know you’re in any way rattled by this. Don’t worry about running into him because you have mutual friends. Who knows, next time you see him you might have a date with you.

EverybodyLTB · 13/03/2024 10:01

Don’t worry about bumping into him at the mutual friend's home, he gives no shits about that. That’s how bold these people are, ghosting like this is pathetic and cruel but there’s no point trying to smooth anything over. You’re dealing with someone that manipulates and lies for no reason whatsoever. Tell the mutual friend what this fucker has done!

usernother · 13/03/2024 11:08

Ash2345f · 13/03/2024 09:08

So no message definitely ghosted. I really feel like I want to message him saying look I’m not sure what’s happened it’s fine if your not feeling it would just rather know incase we ever bump into each other at mutual friends home. Or should I just leave it now? I hate not having the why!!

Leave it OP. Dont message him. If you do bump into him, say nothing either. He's not worth it. He's not a nice person.

LizHertz2 · 13/03/2024 11:25

Sorry this has happened, it's a horrible feeling but absolutely nothing you have done wrong. I would advise against messaging him again...don't make it easier for him as that's all another message like that would do. He's a coward and doesn't deserve your time or your offering out to him to explain. It will likely feed his ego. Just keep distracting yourself, accept this will do your head in for a certain time but you will let it go soon. Prepare yourself that if and when you see him in mutual company, he's the one with the feeling of awkwardness. Good luck, it will pass soon, do something really nice for yourself today :) xx

Catoo · 13/03/2024 12:58

No more messages OP.

I know it’s old fashioned but men like to do the chasing. Maybe he thought it was too much that you were trying to meet up Tuesday after seeing him through Sunday night to Monday morning.

If he likes you he will text for a third date.
If he doesn’t he won’t. No explanation required.

Don’t ask him what’s going on or what’s happened or what he’s feeling after two dates.

Keep busy, have fun with friends, buy yourself a treat, and move on.
💐

Freakinfraser · 13/03/2024 13:01

No don’t message again op, why do you need him to spell it out, it looks desperate,

SamW98 · 13/03/2024 13:08

Agree with PP. Don’t be tempted to message again. It might make you feel better but he’ll see it as you being a lot more bothered than he is and possibly twist it to you being desperate and needy. And quite frankly he’ll know what he’s done and he won’t care what you’ve got to say.

Silence really is the best response.

anotherdisaster · 13/03/2024 13:50

Definitely don't message again asking why. You will feel even more pissed off if he ignores a 3rd message. And even if he gives you an answer, chances are it will not be the truth anyway.

maudelovesharold · 13/03/2024 14:00

If you see him at a friends just give a casual hi and keep moving.

Or….if you see him at a friend’s, just completely blank him, which is what I’d do!

Catlord · 13/03/2024 14:04

That's shit but you can mentally draw a line, you don't need to text. Just spell out to yourself what's happened and don't contact him again. Then, when you next see him there's no confusion if he decides to be charming. You can just be cool and civil and remember that he lost interest and went quiet on you. It's unlikely he's lost his phone or had a family emergency if he comes out with that down the line to keep relations smooth so be prepared to say 'oh I am sorry to hear it' and walk past.

SheepAndSword · 13/03/2024 14:07

Shame he's acted like this.

There have been several threads on MN about ghosting, I'm getting a skewed perspective on current dating! It's OK, you'll move on. If he's flaky it's better to know now.

Freakinfraser · 13/03/2024 14:20

I’m not sure what’s happened it’s fine if your not feeling it would just rather know incase we ever bump into each other at mutual friends home

thing is op, this isn’t asking why, this is basically saying tell me it’s not true. And that’s really not ok. As a pp said, he knows what he’s done. You know what he’s done. Pretending you don’t and you can’t take a hint does you no favours.

C1N1C · 13/03/2024 14:24

No sex = no ghosting

Give it time.

Original poster
Ash2345f · 13/03/2024 16:02

He messaged me today absolute shocker !! Saying he’s really sorry for going quiet etc so odd I will let him do all the chasing now and see what comes from it. I will not ask him out and leave it in his court

OP posts:
Imjustagirlintheworld · 13/03/2024 16:07

His fragile ego probably can’t handle the fact you didn’t jump on him after the first date. He wants you to chase him.

Dont engage in this game playing.

Opentooffers · 13/03/2024 16:24

Tbh, if someone described me as "class" I'd feel like being unclassy and want to give them a slap. It's not a complement, it's about the most detached thing someone could say. It's the sort of description a player would use. It's like saying " you're fit, and the 'cool' girl who would not give me grief for messing you around". So now he's messing you about to see just how much you will put up with without giving him agro.
The correct answer is none, don't put up with it and prove to him how 'classy' you can be by ghosting him back. It's not good enough to let him do the running. You are implying that, if he asks you on another date, you'd still say yes, which given how he's been, it too much of a low standard.
He had his chance, he's blown it.

Mrstwiddle · 13/03/2024 16:25

Honestly, save yourself the inevitable grief that would come with dating this prat and block him

usernother · 13/03/2024 16:28

OP I wonder if he's been on another date and was waiting to see how that went before contacting you again?

GabiT · 13/03/2024 17:00

solice84 · 13/03/2024 09:11

All I can say is whenever I've called out a man's shitty behaviour I've regretted it down the line and wished I'd just stayed quiet
Put all your efforts into keeping busy so you don't think about it
It's so common so don't take it personally

I agree with this. They never take ownership of their behaviour, they will just try to gaslight you as they hate being thought of as the bad guys.

Another example from my sad dating history. This has happened more than once.

Me (after a few weeks of dating when I could tell the guy was not interested but was stringing me along): Hey, I don’t think you’re feeling it/ on the same wavelength/ etc, shall we just call it quits/ stay friends?
Him: (thinking he has a way out in which he can still be the good guy) What?? Noooo, you’re wrong, I do like you sooo much but ok, if you want to end it it’s your call.
Me: (trying to call their bluff): oh, ok, my bad, I must have read your signals wrongly/ I overreacted/ let’s keep on dating.
Him: either complete silence - he probably got hit by a bus reading my message or
’’errr, well, now that you’ve mentioned that, it does make me realise that perhaps we’re not suited blah blah…

Cowards!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/03/2024 17:03

Ash2345f · 13/03/2024 16:02

He messaged me today absolute shocker !! Saying he’s really sorry for going quiet etc so odd I will let him do all the chasing now and see what comes from it. I will not ask him out and leave it in his court

I'd be wary of him to be honest. Most men I know who are properly interested they text come hell or high water even if the cat ate their phone.

He's probably concerned you're going to bitch him out to your mutual friends and make him look bad. You really don't want to get into mind games to wait for his replies, well I wouldn't.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/03/2024 17:05

usernother · 13/03/2024 16:28

OP I wonder if he's been on another date and was waiting to see how that went before contacting you again?

Oh FFS. OP doesn't want to get into this. I'd block the twat as @Mrstwiddle says and sod what the mutual friends say/think.

Freakinfraser · 13/03/2024 17:06

usernother · 13/03/2024 16:28

OP I wonder if he's been on another date and was waiting to see how that went before contacting you again?

Yup. Seeing if she was into him.

Mummame222 · 13/03/2024 17:06

Ash2345f · 12/03/2024 19:11

It’s just so strange as he seemed really into me and the messages yesterday morning once he got home said the same. I just don’t understand what’s changed but something has - I’ll not be messaging any further if he gets in touch great but I’d probably want to explore a couple of dates down the line why this happened. Genuinely believe I’ve been ghosted but it’s crazy as we will have to see each other at mutual friends parties and so on! Don’t know why he wouldn’t just say if he wasn’t feeling it

If he gets in touch great? Hmm, doesn’t sound like a good situation for you tbh. He says jump, you say how high? You like more contact, he’s not bothered about it, you’re probably not compatible then and it’s just gonna fuck with your head. Move on to the next one x