He wouldn't wait for me on his walk

[Sundaycoffee]

I've been dating a guy for a couple of months now. Going well generally but still early days.
This morning he told me last minute that he was going for a walk and do I fancy joining him. I agreed and he told me to meet him at a particular spot on route at a particular time that was closest to my house.
The time he gave me to meet him would have given me 45 mins to shower get, dressed/ready and get to the destination, which was possible, but rushed for me (15/20 mins to get completely ready and out the door from sitting on the sofa in my dressing gown,drinking my morning coffee vibes)
I said will do my best but might be a little late and his response was that he's not waiting for me if I'm not there on time and will just carry on. He said as this was his walk he planned and he wanted to leave at a specific time and if I wanted to join I need to be there ready when he walked past.
I wouldn't expect him to be hanging around for ages but AIBU to expect him to be happy to wait if I'm running 5 mins behind?
In the end I told him not to worry but can't help feeling a bit put out about it and I know if the situation were to be reversed I would happily be more flexible (leave 10 mins later or wait) if it meant getting to see him.

Sounds like what most guys are like nowadays which is they just want women who are convenient and slot into their plans / life without having to make any adjustments or compromises whatsoever.

you feel put out by it because he’s demonstrating he doesn’t care about you that much. You’re not being unreasonable. He just isn’t that into you.

He's not that into you. Sorry.

The only reason I can think of for this is if he had something to do straight after and couldn’t/didn’t want to be late?

Maybe he was testing your time keeping skills. I hate lateness too. Or seeing if you jump when you call?
Good on you for saying no though. Hope you had a lovely chilled day 😊

Potentially, though the route he was taking was a good 7 miles or so. Wouldn't have thought few mins here or there would have made much difference there! Also means it wasn't a short walk, where I would have only seen him for 30 mins and then home again, but a significant chunk of the day we could have spent together.

I did to be fair and the weather was rubbish anyway! 😅

Well you now know where you stand! What a dick.

He sounds hard work, and if he’d given you more notice to get ready etc it wouldn’t even have been an issue, almost sounds like a test to see if you’ll jump to his plans, I don’t blame you for saying no.

Twat. Bin him off

Would it have been because the weather was so awful today and he’d have been cold hanging around? Even so he didn’t word it very well. He’d have been better suggesting that you meet him wherever he was starting from, or giving you more time. You did right to say no. He wasn’t very charming or welcoming.

Agreed

Selfish dickhead. Pretty much saying it’s his way or no way.

Tell him to keep walking and bin his twatty arse

If he can't be a bit chilled on a Sunday he won't ever be will he?

His time is more valuable than yours, to him. Prepping for a 7 mile walk requires more than 45 mins notice ffs! I'm glad you didn't rush out the door to go, the invitation was a bit shit all around really.

Did you say that you would be 5 minutes late or as you said in your post.. “do my best but might be a little late”?. If you specified 5 minutes, yes that is a little odd on his part. If you didn’t specify a time, I can imagine he’d be less inclined to wait, especially in the rain and not knowing how long for.

My ex would do this to me all the time. Would never wait on me even if there was no official meeting time. If he got to our meetup location before me he would just go in without me. I realized he never did that to anyone else. Finally figured out he just didn’t like me all that much.

The sense of entitlement is strong here. He expects you to, not only drop everything at the last minute, but to not even be 1 minutes late. You are expected to jump at the last minute plans, but you can't expect him to wait 5 minutes. NO CHANCE.

Goodness I can’t believe these replies. If it was a restaurant or cinema then fair enough he’s a dick not to wait, but when you’re on a walk, you’re on a walk. You don’t want to have to piss around waiting in a park for someone for an indeterminate amount of time. You say 5 mins but what’s reasonable? 6 mins? 7 mins? 15 mins?

He was going on a walk, it was a spontaneous thing. You’re either in or you’re out on HIS walk. No big deal.

Just to point something: some men clear their heads in nature when they walk and like to do it their own speed. I am never capable of walking alongside anyone really....everybody is faster than me. But my marriage is a lifelong one and gives me all I need from a man.

Not sure what you will do, some sporty men love their occupations their own way. Same is for golf. I will never play golf or even when I tried to walk around the golf course once when my husband played with a friend, I usually sat on the grass and waited for them to move between at least three holes before I went and join them at another sitting spot. Just a thought ....

I know someone whose husband goes ahead of her always even when they go somewhere together. She walks behind him like a little maid. She will never divorce him, she is from abroad and she has everything here due to him. I know these two points of view are perhaps very strange but sometimes men have random attitudes without being bullies or neglectful on the whole.

If someone invited me last minute on a 7 mile walk, I would expect them to be a little flexible on the time to meet. And I personally would have no problem waiting for someone I was excited to see and spend time with - bad weather wouldn't put me off because i'll be outside anyway. Am a keen hiker and if I ask someone along it's because I want to spend time with them or enjoy their company - and would flex the walk to suit them. Otherwise I'd just do it on my own!

He's uncompromising and inflexible - terrible traits in a partner. Also doesn't seem too enthusiastic/keen to see you. Eh, if everything else was good I'd give him one more chance but would watch and observe before investing any more time.

Sounds like the sort of thing certain sorts do to show you how little you mean to them because they get off on making you feel like an afterthought. Bet if you'd have gone he would have walked infront of you the whole time and then acted like you were the one in the wrong for asking him to slow down a little.

Well done for saying no. I don't tend to take people up on last minute offers if I'm not able to state how much time I need. Because decent people either approve or at the very least say 'I can't manage that sorry, but how about we do something on xyz instead?'.

'I need at least an hour'
'I'm leaving in 45 min'
'Ah, no that doesn't work for me so let's leave it'
Every time.
You're not anybodies afterthought.

Testing her?

That kind of behaviour would be an enormous red flag. Setting tests for people you’re considering a relationship with is scary abuser territory.

It is very weird to give someone 45 minutes notice (including travelling time!) of a 7 mile walk on a Sunday morning. He contacted the OP to invite her - is she supposed to have a bag of hiking gear packed at all times just in case?

Then refusing to wait 5 minutes because of the unreasonable level of notice given is not ‘hating lateness’. It’s being an arsehole. Really it is.

I’d be throwing this fish back. It smells.

He contacted her to invite her on this walk. She wasn’t trying to somehow insert herself into HIS walk.

In fact, I can only imagine that you are taking the piss here and look b yo be provocative. Not least because one of your examples - the cinema - has defined and immovable start times. You can actually be late for that. Whereas a walk is a walk - he can wait a few minutes if he wants company.

I see this behaviour as very passive aggressive. If he invited you onto this walk,surely the only decent thing for him to do was to give you enough time to get ready and get there. Please take note of this massive red flag.

I misunderstood your title slightly and thought it was going to be similar to a situation I had with my exh, where he would stride along very quickly on difficult hill walks, leaving me panting along behind and struggling to keep up. If I ever complained he would be absolutely furious with me!

Your situation is slightly different, but he does ring a bit of a warning bell as being someone who has very fixed views and an inability to compromise or be flexible.

Keep an eye on this one.