Would you date a single dad ?

Pinkmushrooms · 2024-03-08T23:02:09+00:00

We are both in our early 30's. He has one child and I have two, he has his child full time and me too except EOW. He has asked me to meet for drinks ( we met for few playdates, our boys go to same class and we both have hobbiesin common, same semse of humour..) I really fancy him but not sure this can work put with both of us having the children most of the time, I don't want to hire a nanny every week ( not fair on my children) but I also don't want to meet with the children as I would like to know him well first and then involve him and his child in our lives ( and us in their lives). Anyone had the same dilemma? Thank you.

Opentooffers · 08/03/2024 23:29

Could work if you both have willing babysitters and/or family.
Don't get sucked into playdates as it's not fair on the DC's if they can't see each other after forming friendship because of a falling out between you two.

Problemnumber99 · 09/03/2024 00:01

I would, no one understands the challenges of being a single parent like another single parent!
Could you meet on the weekend you don't have your son?

Pinkbonbon · 09/03/2024 01:12

Nor if our boys were in the same class no. That's such an unnecessary risk.

Picture this, 3 months down the line it turns out he was a total bastard. His kid is having a birthday party. Your child is the only one in his class not invited.

Or your kid sees you hurting and upset after a bad break up and takes it out on the other child.

Too messy. Swerve.

aurynne · 09/03/2024 01:58

He's probably asking himself the same questions.

NewMeNewUs · 09/03/2024 02:22

I would I yes

Ariona · 09/03/2024 04:09

Pinkbonbon · 09/03/2024 01:12

Nor if our boys were in the same class no. That's such an unnecessary risk.

Picture this, 3 months down the line it turns out he was a total bastard. His kid is having a birthday party. Your child is the only one in his class not invited.

Or your kid sees you hurting and upset after a bad break up and takes it out on the other child.

Too messy. Swerve.

This too. It's like dating a colleague. Silly decision with great impact . Do you really want to mess about with your dc like that?

Newnamehiwhodis · 09/03/2024 05:15

I would. Children aren’t the issue- it’s whether the man is a decent man or not.
I dated a single dad once, and his “dad persona” was so kind, so caring about his child, it took longer for me to see the actually horrific red flags (turns out he’s a sexual predator to a really shocking degree.) he just seemed so caring and patient!

Original poster

Pinkmushrooms · 09/03/2024 07:15

Opentooffers · 08/03/2024 23:29

Could work if you both have willing babysitters and/or family.
Don't get sucked into playdates as it's not fair on the DC's if they can't see each other after forming friendship because of a falling out between you two.

I can meet when my children are with their dad and I think he has arranged childcare for this date but not sure we can get to know each other well just meeting EOW, this is new for me as I did not dated since my exH so I don't know how to date when you have children, how fast or slow should I go etc. I met my exH at uni and we saw each other everyday, we were friends before dating.

I'm going to talk with him after tge date to see what are his expectations..

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinkmushrooms · 09/03/2024 07:20

Newnamehiwhodis · 09/03/2024 05:15

I would. Children aren’t the issue- it’s whether the man is a decent man or not.
I dated a single dad once, and his “dad persona” was so kind, so caring about his child, it took longer for me to see the actually horrific red flags (turns out he’s a sexual predator to a really shocking degree.) he just seemed so caring and patient!

Yes he seems very kind too. During our playdates or at school gate we had very interesting conversations, I found we have same hobbies and I like he understands my struggles as single mum ( and I understand his struggles)And I dont know if its because my exH is not very involved in my children's lives ( his decision) bit I find very sexy this dad looks after his child 24/7.

But you are right, some people are very well at lying that's why I would like to get to know him better by himself not with all our children around.

OP posts:

Rileybb · 09/03/2024 07:28

I would never recommend dating a person so close to home who i have to see at my kids classes.
I would also only date single dads and the issue of babysitter is part and parcel of dating, you worry about yours and he makes arrangement for his otherwise he isn't ready to date.
This particular man i just wouldn't date because it's too messy.

Original poster

Pinkmushrooms · 09/03/2024 07:29

Ariona · 09/03/2024 04:09

This too. It's like dating a colleague. Silly decision with great impact . Do you really want to mess about with your dc like that?

Show quote history

No, I don't. I did not date since exH , I wasn't looking for this, his child invited mine for few playdates and I invited them to our place too as they are friends, from the playdates I got to know her dad a bit better and realised I like him. I wasn't going to do anything until he invited me for drinks. I could sense he likes me too.

You are right can be very messy for the children if it doesn't workout but if it does they are already friends. I will go to this date and then think about it. He might not like me after this date or I might not like him.. who knows.

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Illpickthatup · 09/03/2024 07:34

Pinkmushrooms · 09/03/2024 07:15

I can meet when my children are with their dad and I think he has arranged childcare for this date but not sure we can get to know each other well just meeting EOW, this is new for me as I did not dated since my exH so I don't know how to date when you have children, how fast or slow should I go etc. I met my exH at uni and we saw each other everyday, we were friends before dating.

I'm going to talk with him after tge date to see what are his expectations..

Show quote history

What age are the kids? I assume you live close to each other. Could you maybe go to each others houses once the kids are in bed for a late dinner?

DaffodilsAlready · 09/03/2024 07:36

See, I am cynical. I expect you would end up doing the wife work for him and his DC.
Seeing him EOW when you don’t have the DC means that you don’t get sucked into his parenting responsibilities and also the DC are not involved.
Also, you said you will ask about his expectations; I think you need to be clear about your own first.

ZebraD · 09/03/2024 07:37

Just take it one day at a time., go on your date and enjoy yourself.

Darhon · 09/03/2024 07:37

Go on the date. Don’t overthink it at this stage. To be honest, it’s quite a common way to meet new people and in pre app days was often how people moved on and met other people. We’ve completely lost sense of his people used to
meet! Neighbours, colleagues were how people met as well in bars and nightclubs. And then mumsnet layers on several layers of mum guilt as well about dating. If you didn’t dare him and used an app, you’d have loads of stuff about the dangers of doing that!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 09/03/2024 08:01

Go one the date, get to know him. Be friends. Don't over think it......

Ilovelurchers · 09/03/2024 08:27

Would your kids' dad be happy to have the boys a few extra evenings to give you more chance to date? (As also Rhys obviously better for the kids too to see more of their dad if possible so it's a win win really if your ex s a decent fella)

The fella you are hoping to datewe must assume has child care options also - that's his issue to worry about in fairness.

My daughter's dad is in a relationship with the mom of another girl in her class. I thought it was a mental idea personally but actually they've made it work fine. They do holiday together and stuff with the kids and the girls get on ok. Don't think they will ever live together tho, at least not till the first have left him.

(She was the other woman and at the time I wasn't that happy but now I think they are well suited and it's all for the best probably).

Original poster

Pinkmushrooms · 09/03/2024 09:42

Ilovelurchers · 09/03/2024 08:27

Would your kids' dad be happy to have the boys a few extra evenings to give you more chance to date? (As also Rhys obviously better for the kids too to see more of their dad if possible so it's a win win really if your ex s a decent fella)

The fella you are hoping to datewe must assume has child care options also - that's his issue to worry about in fairness.

My daughter's dad is in a relationship with the mom of another girl in her class. I thought it was a mental idea personally but actually they've made it work fine. They do holiday together and stuff with the kids and the girls get on ok. Don't think they will ever live together tho, at least not till the first have left him.

(She was the other woman and at the time I wasn't that happy but now I think they are well suited and it's all for the best probably).

Sadly he won't and now, he has told me his girlfriend is pregnant and wants rest.

OP posts:

LadyNijo · 09/03/2024 09:44

Pinkbonbon · 09/03/2024 01:12

Nor if our boys were in the same class no. That's such an unnecessary risk.

Picture this, 3 months down the line it turns out he was a total bastard. His kid is having a birthday party. Your child is the only one in his class not invited.

Or your kid sees you hurting and upset after a bad break up and takes it out on the other child.

Too messy. Swerve.

This.

mitogoshi · 09/03/2024 09:58

Take it slowly, see where it goes. You never know when you will meet the love of your life!

Jk987 · 09/03/2024 10:11

Pinkbonbon · 09/03/2024 01:12

Nor if our boys were in the same class no. That's such an unnecessary risk.

Picture this, 3 months down the line it turns out he was a total bastard. His kid is having a birthday party. Your child is the only one in his class not invited.

Or your kid sees you hurting and upset after a bad break up and takes it out on the other child.

Too messy. Swerve.

Talk about worst case scenarios!!!

It's hard to find someone you fancy and have a connection with. I'd say go for it and enjoy!

Jk987 · 09/03/2024 10:13

If no one ever dated a colleague, a lot of happy unions would be missed and children not born!

Picklestop · 09/03/2024 10:16

I wouldn’t date a single dad but that was when I was child free, I would have thought a single dad would be a better fit in your scenario. I think dating a class mates parent is not a great idea however.

LadyNijo · 09/03/2024 10:36

Jk987 · 09/03/2024 10:13

If no one ever dated a colleague, a lot of happy unions would be missed and children not born!

Completely different situation, surely — only adults are involved in a workplace relationship,, and should the relationship end badly, either or both have the choice to find a new job. Here a child is involved, he derives no benefit from the relationship, and the potential for disruption to his life is big, whether or not the relationship lasts.

Sweetheart7 · 09/03/2024 10:42

What your EOW from Friday or Saturday? As a single mum with EOW mainly starring from Sat till Sun. Personally I wouldn't write this man off... does he have a support network?

People probably think the same about you OP if you have your DC the majority of the time as I've had the same thing too trying to date.