Would you date a single dad ?

[Pinkmushrooms]

We are both in our early 30's. He has one child and I have two, he has his child full time and me too except EOW. He has asked me to meet for drinks ( we met for few playdates, our boys go to same class and we both have hobbiesin common, same semse of humour..) I really fancy him but not sure this can work put with both of us having the children most of the time, I don't want to hire a nanny every week ( not fair on my children) but I also don't want to meet with the children as I would like to know him well first and then involve him and his child in our lives ( and us in their lives).

Anyone had the same dilemma? Thank you.

Aw bless, Ex's GF wants a rest. Just goes to show who's looking after your DC's in their home, looks like your lazy ex really does do the bare minimum for your DC's. You might of known this already, you're definitely better off without him and his GF is a fool and set for a tiring future.

It would of been clearer to phrase your question more like " would you date the parent of your child's friend?" That he has a DC full time is not messy, it's how you have come to meet that is the issue. How many years until secondary school? If its a long way off its a big risk. I'd also look at the circumstances of how he has come to have his DC full time, has he had negative past relationship experiences that could cause him ongoing effects?
If you go there, you need to be taking it super slow especially with getting physical or even keep it more on a friendship level till secondary school, so EOW is probably a good pace really, with nothing to hint at more than friendship in between when with DC's. Really, ideally, you should aim to thoroughly know you could both be both great together for a long time before taking it to the next level, which you can only test by long stretched out dating without it becoming sexual. Even fathers can be a type to think with their dicks first before considering all ramifications.

Yes
in simple terms it can work so long as you both accept the constraints that the other has and can keep it fun and committed

Maybe but I'd prefer their kids to be older (teens plus). I am older than you though- 43 and only really want to date 40+.

Potentially hypocritical as my youngest is only 8 but I've absolutely no intention of any blokes meeting my youngest or meeting their young kids. I don't want to live with anyone and am happy to stay single until the right bloke comes along (if he ever does). I also don't expect blokes to want to date me with a primary school age kid- a lot wouldn't be interested.

Both boys are 5 and my little one is 3. Not possible to leave them alone sleeping at home.

No, I couldn’t.
Probably casually, I would, but I would absolutely not blend 2 families, so there would be no point in a long term relationship with a single dad.

I’m speaking from experience, and from reading the stepparents board here on Mumsnet

I'm a single dad in a relationship with a single mum. We only get to see each other as a couple every other weekend when we're both child free. It's hard, but that's just how it is until all our DCs are older. No prospect of blending or living together as it'll be too disruptive for the kids to move schools, and we only live 10 miles apart. Two of our kids used to be at school together and are best friends. I don't think it's unusual for single parents of kids at the same school to end up dating. It is after all a significant commonality and opportunity to meet similar people.

I did try online dating, but it was incredibly difficult to find any women that were prepared to date a single dad. I guess when 95% of men on OLD don't have their kids living with them, no one is interested in the added complication of the few that do. I didn't advertise it on my profile that my kids live with me primarily, and almost every woman I matched with lost interest when they found that out. "How often do you see your kids?" "All the time, they live with me." "Oh"

It's not actually going to make any difference that this man is only child free EOW, because you are too. So even if you were dating a man with no kids you'd still only be available to date on your child free weekends anyway.

I'm glad is working out for you. That would be my ideal relationship, exclusive but not living together until the children are older.

This tally's with what my brother says. He's a single Dad EOW and he says dating is very tough. A lot of woman are simply not interested in dating a single Dad in his opinion.

Why do single mums expect a man to accept children in her life but are seemingly not prepared to accept children in his life?

Yes it is seems hypocritical but people has the right to choose what makes them comfortable and what not. Maybe those mums wouldn't cope being a full time mum of their children plus x number of step children.

I don't take personally when men say they would never date a single mum ( like I am) I just respect other's people choices.

I'm open to date a single dad bjt not to blend families ( obviously this can change in the future if I have a long term relationship with a single dad).

P.S my date is this Saturday 😄

Do working setups make lunch dates a possibility? Kids already in childcare, couple of times a week?

I'm a single mum and was actually thinking a single dad would be ideal, when I was looking at OLD!

I wanted someone who cared about children and understood the difficulties and logistics.

As it is, I met someone who has no children and that's difficult in different ways: he doesn't really get how to interact with DC (although he's kind and pleasant) and we spend every other weekend and some holidays together, planning more time together when DC older.

So yes, of course I'd date a single dad. All relationships come with life stuff, it's the person and how you navigate the life stuff together that matter.

No I meant if only one of you could get a babysitter, you could have dinner at the other person's house after the kids go to bed. At their ages I assume they'll be in bed pretty early anyway.

I’m the exact same . I need someone with the same issues I have .

This could work. See how the first date goes and then ill look into hiring a babysitter for a couple of hours evening-night

Update: Date did not went well, he talked all the time about his ex. I do not think he has moved on. It's a pity as I really liked him..

Ughhhhhhuu
why do they do this ??? Go to therapy man

Ugh...one of those.

(Has one like that before. Completely oblivious to the fact the date hadn't gone well too. Asked me out again and was shocked when I said no!)

Why doesn't his kid's mum have any contact?

I dated a woman like this (I'm a man) and it was the most tedious thing ever.
The worst part is I was stupid enough to keep dating her, despite her ruining a holiday by saying where she went with her ex was much nicer!

Thankfully I saw sense and during the 'breakup talk' explained why.
Good came from bad, though - they got back together and they're due to be married soon. Wonder if I'll get an invite 🤔

She moved back to US, has videocalls with the child and she will visit him during summer holidays.

Wow, I would be asking a few questions about that! Is it possible he stopped her taking her child home with her? Did her visa run out and she was made to go without her son?

Cross-posted. I guess it doesn't matter if you won't be seeing him again. What a shame he was an arse.

I would, I did, and I've been married to him 10 years now. He didn't initially have his kids full time, but there were four of them every weekend and two later became full time with us.

There have been ups and downs and compromises from everyone, but overall it's been brilliant. I have 4 extra lovely people in my life (plus DH of course!) After some initial teething issues, the kids have all got on really well. DD in particular has really appreciated the extra siblings. She and youngest DSC were in the same year at secondary school and the same form for a lot of classes, but that was just useful really as they ended up with friends in common and going to some of the same parties.

Moving in was something we tackled with a lot of thought, writing down the different rules and routines we each had and agreeing which ones would have to change, and implementing most of those changes in advance of moving in.

I'd previously dated men without kids and found the difference in lifestyles to be a bit of an issue. If you like this man, I'd say take your time to get to know him, with and without kids around and see how it goes. It can work!

I was thinking this

I would prefer to date single (good) Dads as they understand what it's like to have DC. The men I've come across are mostly selfish when single with no DC, and have no idea! Plus they want all your time, and don't seem to understand that as a single Mum you just can't meet up with them every day.

However, I wouldn't want to be in a scenario where my DC were involved with his DC early doors, it's too much pressure on everyone. I wouldn't be looking in the school playground for potential dates either; too much risk of issues arising if things go wrong.