DP just began smoking

[Rockiepride]

Name change for this as long time MN but totally thrown by this.

DP (35M) works a very male
oriented job and is away most weeks, he’s just come home for the weekend and announced he’s started smoking?! He bought a packet of cigarettes this week and has been having 1 or 2 a day when some of the other ‘boys’ go out to smoke. I don’t smoke, each to their own but not my thing, I hate the smell and don’t get it, but don’t judge anyone who does.

For context, he’s in the gym every day, has a serious but strength related job. He’s very health conscious and this has just thrown me? He hates drugs and is not a big drinker, what is going on?

He wants to fit in and hasn't got the maturity to not compromise himself to do it! This is something I did when I was 23 - by 35 I'd expect a person to have more strength of character.

I'd find it massively off putting tbh - certainly wouldn't let him smoke in the house.

I would be hugely embarrassed on his behalf. What sane adult with more than three brain cells takes up smoking like it's a legitimate hobby these days?

Ew.

Trying to fit in with the lads?

eugh his breath tho when kissing you 🤮

I would assume that in the past he probably smoked too. Doubtful anyone would take it up suddenly mid 30's, just at the age when smoking causes extra damage, ages you, and at a point in life when it's so heavily taxed that it's rediculously expensive these days.
He probably has for a good while, he's just owning it now. Have you been with him long?

I can't see someone his age taking up smoking just to fit in. It's not like any smokers would think non smokers are uncool....and while people are very keen to push alcohol onto non drinkers, smokers don't push cigarettes onto non smokers in my experience.

I know lots of people who have 1 or 2, just at work. May as well take advantage of the free breaks and if his mates are doing it it's a social thing.

Not saying its not gross (saying that as an ex smoker), but it is expensive. Could he vape instead?

He must be incredibly immature to take up smoking at his age.

It would be a deal breaker for me. I couldn’t kiss a smoker 🤢

I wouldn't like it. It's very different one or two cigs a week at the pub to everyday.

I'd break up with him if he didn't stop immediately

My dh suddenly took up pipe smoking after we'd been married a couple of years but he'd done it before, long before we were together. It made me want to vomit tbh. Luckily it only lasted a week or two or I don't know what I would have done.

I agree he probably has smoked before, presumably as a teenager? It's really difficult isn't it. It's legal, it's his own body etc but I actually couldn't live with it and given I work for a stroke team, I'd be angry too.

Buy him a tracksuit and some trainers and tell him to smoke his fags around the back of the bike shed like all the other children.

What age is he? twelve?

God, that childish nonsense would turn me right off.

A grown man acting like a teenager and trying to fit in with the "cool" kids.

Smoking would be a deal breaker for me. Marriage ending stuff. It’s a truly disgusting practice, which affects everyone around him. It stinks, makes him stink. There is absolutely no way I’d be willing to kiss or even hug him, never mind have sex with him if he’s decided to smoke. 🤮

I’d also think a 35 year old deciding to take up smoking so he could look cool to ‘the lads’ was pathetic. Most teenagers manage to be more mature than that.

If he's started smoking to fit in, what else is he going to start doing to fit in? If he works away a lot and so do his colleagues I'd be worried that these great mates might be cheating and he'd join in.

I would be really upset at this I have to say. I'd be terrified for his health. Smoking is so, so dangerous and absolutely ruins your body. I hope you can talk him round OP before the addiction takes hold.

He has just invited a great big monkey onto his back.

An expensive dangerous monkey that will be very hard to shake off unless he does it soon.

Please tell him so.

Tbh me too. It's just not something I'm OK with. The smoke clings to everything, it's unhealthy, and expensive. Starting at 35 is ridiculous.

£15 a packet. Literally burning it away.

It’s an enormous waste of money.

LTB

Would be a deal breaker for me - it’s immature, waste of money, smelly and so harmful for your health.

How long have you been with him? It's not unheard of for adult to start smoking, but I think it's far more likely that he used to smoke at one point, then kicked the habit, but has now lapsed back into doing it because of the company he keeps.

Wtf? Has he never smoked before?

It would be a dumping offence for me, it's a complete deal breaker. One, for the stink of it etc, and two, for being so weak willed and succumbing to peer pressure at that age!

Wouldn't be kissing him. Or sitting next to him with smelly clothes. I hope you don't have dc...

This!

That’s really immature. He clearly wants to be able to go out with them, but to start smoking to do it, is simply idiotic. He must be desperate.

it won’t be long before he’s addicted and on a 20 a day habit, and at 16 quid a pack , that’s a significant investment financially and in terms of his health to be go over and smoke with them.

it’s the sort of thing young teens do/

Pretty gross, tell him you’ll compromise, then buy him a vape.