Age gaps

[IcySeal]

Do you think a 10 year age gap is that big when looking for something long term?

I'm 41 and couldn't imagine or want to be with someone over 50.

Met dp when I was 23 and he was 34... still together 10 yrs now. Some people were a bit shocked by his age as he looks younger, but equally his friends were shocked because they thought I was younger

i have a 10 year age gap (34/44) we have been together for 13 years. We have similar interests and morals so doesn’t feel like much at all.

it only seems like a big gap when I think about death. It wouldn’t be unusual for us both to die of old age but him to die 20 years before me.

11 years, I was 21 he was 32, I was older for my age, him younger. This year we have been together for 18yrs, lived together after after about 5mths.

god, I can’t imagine being in my 30s and finding someone in their early 20s an appropriate and equal life partner. My honest opinion? It “works” because it’s convenient for women to become financially dependent on an older man and it’s beneficial for the man to have a much younger partner. I’m less sceptical of age gaps where the woman is older, but the vast majority it’s the man and I feel like people will jump to say their dynamic is totally different… but it’s not.

I think 10 years is quite a big gap.

I say that having been married to someone who was 14 years older than me - he died. This was in my late 30s / early 40s and we both had kids still at home, although mine were younger.
Now in a long term relationship with someone 6.5 years older than me.
But then 1st H & I were only 3 weeks apart!

The only time I really thought about it with late-DH (after I had got past my initial concerns about it) was with reference to childhood memories where we didn't really have any shared point of reference.
It isn't something that crosses my mind with current DP.

Depending on your stage of life it may or may not matter.
For example it may be more likely to matter at 18 & 28 or 62 & 72 than 27 & 37 or 33 & 43.

@Chasingsquirrels I've dated someone 17 years older and looking back we weren't well suited. He was stuck in his ways and wasn't socially open minded. Plus he was a Tory lol. We were always disagreeing on everything so glad that ended. I don't think it's possible if like myself are politically and socially liberal minded to get on great with someone conservative in their views.

I think 6.5 years is fine though. Ideally I'd be happy with anyone born from 1980-1989

@Wolfpa I think similar interests are important for a relationship. Otherwise doesn't really last long term if interests too different.

@Begaydocrime94 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 stereotyping much?! 28 years between us. I owned my home outright (large amount of equity) and had (still have) a really well paid job. My partner owned his home, but not outright. His job wasn't as well paid as mine. 20 years later we're still very happily together. Age was just a number for us and still is.

After DH died when I then started thinking about dating again, I decided no more than 5 years. A big part of that was DH having died, albeit relatively "young".
I agree 6.5 isn't too much of a gap, but it still makes him more likely (statically) to die before me.

My sister is 73 her Husband is 60.
Very happy.

11 years here. Met when I had a house and a well paid job and he was galavanting around Europe with 3 T-shirts and a pair of jeans to his name 🤣 - so absolutely not the stereotype of wanting an financially established man. We just clicked and were inseparable from the start.
My parents thought I was mental though 😂 (love him now of course!)

The happiest marriage I have ever known was between my father and his second wife who was 27 years younger than him.

As for me the relationship in which I felt emotionally closest to my partner was one in which he was 12 years younger than me. We met when he was 21 and I was 33 and we were together for some years.

My sister is 16 years older than her husband and they have been together now for 35 years.

My brother is 11 years older than his wife. They married in 1971 and are still together and as happy as they were 53 years ago.

@Chasingsquirrels I'm sorry you lost your 1st husband. But I hope you have many more years with your current partner.

I think if I ever dared to use apps again then I'd set the age 5 years max.

Mine became untenable when he approached fifty and I was still in my thirties and I was full of wishes to travel and do things. However, he wanted to potter in his shed, have the kids keep quiet and out of the way, and become increasingly influenced by more right wing propaganda, despite denying it.

Over a span of more than ten years, the differences were just magnified too much and we didn't make it. Different stages of life, different wants and needs. I knew it had to end when I realised he wasn't looking after his health properly and I would have really, really resented being his carer, so it was unfair on him too, to continue. (Yes I know it could have been me needing a carer first!).

No I don't think it matters. I'm with my partner who is 12 years older than me.

I think it's up to you to set your criteria in a mate, proof will be in the pudding whether you can find him. And if you can't you either adjust your criteria or wait longer or decide or stop looking.
I don't think it's unrealistic to want someone 5 years either way from your age but of course it does narrow your pool.

If age is just a number, you’d have gone for a man 28 years younger than you would you? If you’d met the “right” guy?
im not stereotyping, I’m saying it how it is. Patriarchal society normalises relationships between young women and older men.

Age gaps become a problem when the older partner can retire and the other has to keep working and then theres the risk by the time the other partner can retire 10 years later, there are then health issues

Oh fuck according to some of you my relationship must be completely doomed. He's 45, I'm 56 been together 25 years, 2 kids, completely and absolutely in love and happy .... should I tell him it's all over 😂😂😂

In my opinion ten years up or down when both are fully grown is about ok. The difference between someone 20 and 30 can be more noticeable in maturity, but the older we got the less we change physically and mentally, so as example I would think that someone with 45 can be easily be with someone with 35 or 55 without problem at all.
Depending on the individual I would stretch it to about 15 years in some cases.

I'm 59 and could never date someone who was 69!!!

I can't even date men my own age. I prefer early 50's. Men, and I know not all men. But most men on online dating really let themselves go when they hit 50!

If they have a beer belly there will be a high chance they have ED and that is not something I could be happy and sexually content with. Very different it it was a long time partner who has health issues though.

Honestly people will be shocked how "old" some of the online dating men in their 50's and 60's look. I checked out the "competition" and looked through women my age. Most were much better groomed and looked like they were keeping themselves healthy.

And always makes me laugh when people on here complain that men OLD only want younger women. The men can want all they like, it rarely happens.

"And always makes me laugh when people on here complain that men OLD only want younger women. The men can want all they like, it rarely happens"
^^THIS^

"I think it's up to you to set your criteria in a mate, proof will be in the pudding whether you can find him. And if you can't you either adjust your criteria or wait longer or decide or stop looking.
I don't think it's unrealistic to want someone 5 years either way from your age but of course it does narrow your pool"
^ AND THIS^

Which is why I maintain there will be a lot of lonely old men, the ones who are persistently.on the apps in their 50s and 60s.
I'm in camp 2 above. As a reasonably well presented woman in her late 40s I have stopped looking (online anyway) I don't fancy these older men.
Shared history I can see is different. If you've been together many years and have a long marriage and kids to an older man then there's a lot of mutual love trust and investment. My Ex husband was almost 10 years older but he left me in a devastating way. I'd have been happy to grow old with him.
But picking up now with a much older man..ewwww.
Complete double standards as I fancy men my age or younger. So I'll likely stay single and see my mates.

I think up to 10 years is ok, DH is 2.5 years younger than me. What has become apparent is I am now waiting for him to retire. I retired at 55 so he is a little behind me. I would imagine retiring a decade before your spouse who still needs to build up their pension could breed some resentment or at the least be an annoyance. I am waiting for him so we can fulfil our travel plans.

No. We have a gap bigger than 10 years. Being financially reliant on an older man made me laugh, I bloody wish.

In general though, for me, its down to the individual. Me and dh have been together a long time and some of his friends I literally cannot tolerate, some younger men the same. But obviously I very much tolerate him and I'm sure there are probably younger men out there I'd like too. I didn't set out looking for an age gap and if anything happened I wouldn't have an age in mind. I don't think I'd go like 20 years older or younger but that's what I think and not necessarily what would happen because how do you know who you're gonna meet?

I must have done it all wrong then, especially since I have always worked full time earning equal to or more than my dh who happens to be 16 years older than me 🙄