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Original poster

Age gaps

49 replies

IcySeal · 08/03/2024 20:28

Do you think a 10 year age gap is that big when looking for something long term?

I'm 41 and couldn't imagine or want to be with someone over 50.

OP posts:
Chocolatebuttonns · 09/03/2024 08:39

I do wonder about the motivation for this thread though it comes across a bit like "what do you think because I think its GROSS"

bradpittsbathwater · 09/03/2024 08:39

Yea too big of a gap for me. I'm 39 and couldn't imagine being interested in some old fart of 50. I'd rather be single.

Annymania · 09/03/2024 08:40

It depends on the personalities and if they work together. We have a 19 year age gap and I sort of prefer wiser and more sensible men, I’m 25, he’s 44 and our son is 18m. If one is mature or the other is still active, it’s ok. 10 years is nothing 😂 my parents had almost 10 years between them, I think it’s quite common

bradpittsbathwater · 09/03/2024 08:40

SilverTay · 09/03/2024 08:10

I'm 59 and could never date someone who was 69!!!

I can't even date men my own age. I prefer early 50's. Men, and I know not all men. But most men on online dating really let themselves go when they hit 50!

If they have a beer belly there will be a high chance they have ED and that is not something I could be happy and sexually content with. Very different it it was a long time partner who has health issues though.

Honestly people will be shocked how "old" some of the online dating men in their 50's and 60's look. I checked out the "competition" and looked through women my age. Most were much better groomed and looked like they were keeping themselves healthy.

And always makes me laugh when people on here complain that men OLD only want younger women. The men can want all they like, it rarely happens.

They usually go downhill before 50 these days

PossumintheHouse · 09/03/2024 08:40

Eight-year age gap between myself and partner of 15 years, which I’ve never given a second thought to.
Previous relationship was a 15-year gap, which in hindsight was a mistake.

HelenHywater · 09/03/2024 08:41

I agree with @SilverTay - I'm 53 and dating - have just finished a short relationship with a 59 year old. And it was too old!

Men do seem to age faster than women (or at least faster than me). I'm looking for someone my own age or a bit younger. I think you'd probably think it was fine if you were 30 and met a 40 year old, but at 50 and 60 that's a big gap!

otherwayup · 09/03/2024 08:53

I think this works well when the women is older.
I'm in my 50s and dh is 12 years younger than me. In our friendship group all the women still seem very young, full of energy (mostly!) Yet their dh's suddenly seemed to morph into grumpy old men when they hit late 40s. My friends find it hugely difficult at times!

Dh very much seems the age as me these days, people no longer realise he's younger than me and in terms of energy and enthusiasm to do things, go out etc we're equals.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 09/03/2024 08:55

14 year age gap here, met when I was 21, he was 35!

It’s worked for us, 30 years together next year!

bert3400 · 09/03/2024 09:24

otherwayup · 09/03/2024 08:53

I think this works well when the women is older.
I'm in my 50s and dh is 12 years younger than me. In our friendship group all the women still seem very young, full of energy (mostly!) Yet their dh's suddenly seemed to morph into grumpy old men when they hit late 40s. My friends find it hugely difficult at times!

Dh very much seems the age as me these days, people no longer realise he's younger than me and in terms of energy and enthusiasm to do things, go out etc we're equals.

Completely agree....my DH is 11 years younger than me and still full of enthusiasm for life. I have friends who's DH are in their late 50s and grumpy, boring and ready to curl up and retire .

Hecate01 · 09/03/2024 11:26

Begaydocrime94 · 08/03/2024 21:12

god, I can’t imagine being in my 30s and finding someone in their early 20s an appropriate and equal life partner. My honest opinion? It “works” because it’s convenient for women to become financially dependent on an older man and it’s beneficial for the man to have a much younger partner. I’m less sceptical of age gaps where the woman is older, but the vast majority it’s the man and I feel like people will jump to say their dynamic is totally different… but it’s not.

I must be doing it wrong as well because I'm not financially dependent on my dp even though he earns more.

I wish I had come to MN before meeting him because maybe I could be one of those ladies who lunch and have their hair done had I of known what the protocol was for being with a man who's older.

Don't put us all in the same box, only a fool would be financially dependent on a man regardless of who's older.

PaintedEgg · 09/03/2024 11:39

@Begaydocrime94 where's my money then? 😂

There is 14years age gap between us and we started dating when I was in my late 20s. At that point I had a pretty good financial situation and we were always very much an equal partners. But you are right in that I would never date younger - my ex was just 3 years older and absolutely bloody useless at everything

Can't imagine dating 20yo kid with xbox as his hobby

ElaineMBenes · 09/03/2024 11:55

Im 41 and my DH is 52.
I think it really depends on the individual.
I don't feel like there is an 11 year age gap as he has a very 'young' outlook on life.

NCfor24 · 09/03/2024 11:58

We have a 5 year gap and DH will be 50 next year. I don't think I'm any different at 44 than I was at 39, and neither has he drastically aged these past few years so if the gap was 10 years I don't think it'd make any difference.
The things we have in common and which bond us are still the same things they always were.

Opentooffers · 09/03/2024 12:09

You'd have to weigh up happiness for a long period with the realistic knowledge that being widowed or becoming a carer at some point, perhaps even when still relatively young, will bring drastic change and future sadness for a period.
It's for individuals to decide for themselves if it's worth it, considering also, libido and capability changes, and if that is important or not.

Chocolatebuttonns · 09/03/2024 14:02

Opentooffers · 09/03/2024 12:09

You'd have to weigh up happiness for a long period with the realistic knowledge that being widowed or becoming a carer at some point, perhaps even when still relatively young, will bring drastic change and future sadness for a period.
It's for individuals to decide for themselves if it's worth it, considering also, libido and capability changes, and if that is important or not.

Edited

It might be more likely with an age gap, but becoming a carer for your spouse can happen to any of us at any time.

If you're not prepared to do it (or fund it I guess) then you shouldn't marry someone imo.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 09/03/2024 14:25

Begaydocrime94 · 08/03/2024 21:12

god, I can’t imagine being in my 30s and finding someone in their early 20s an appropriate and equal life partner. My honest opinion? It “works” because it’s convenient for women to become financially dependent on an older man and it’s beneficial for the man to have a much younger partner. I’m less sceptical of age gaps where the woman is older, but the vast majority it’s the man and I feel like people will jump to say their dynamic is totally different… but it’s not.

Well I must have done it all wrong as DH and I have always earned similar amounts and now I earn more! But you know better obviously🙄

ElaineMBenes · 09/03/2024 14:52

It “works” because it’s convenient for women to become financially dependent on an older man and it’s beneficial for the man to have a much younger partner.

I'm not financially dependent on my older partner.
You do know that many, many women are financially independent now 🤷🏼‍♀️

PaintedEgg · 09/03/2024 14:58

@ElaineMBenes I think people who say things like this are those who still lived with their mum at 29...after finally moving out in their 30s they would not want to date themselves few years prior

6thspice · 09/03/2024 15:54

These threads annoy me, who cares... I'm with someone over 20 years my senior we have three kids together. We look our ages. People can work despite being different ages etc

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 09/03/2024 16:01

My marriage failed and it had sweet fuck all to do with our 14 year age gap. I wish I could say that this was the problem. It would be a nice and tidy explanation: “We grew apart! His collection of James Taylor sheet music for classical guitar was stifling me!”
But actually, he was just a bastard. And that still would have been the case if we’d had a 14 month age gap.

SilverTay · 09/03/2024 18:24

@Lookingforunicorns So I'll likely stay single and see my mates.

You and' me both. It's horrible not being able to fancy old men when you're old yourself.

Well you're not old but you know what I mean!

5128gap · 09/03/2024 18:38

I think if you 'accidentally' meet someone that much older and fall for them, it's one thing, but to deliberately set the age range on a dating site to include and attract them...why on earth would you? Women typically spend a lot of time fending off the attentions of men much older than themselves. No one needs to go online and seek them out.

tittybumbum · 09/03/2024 21:51

SilverTay · 09/03/2024 08:10

I'm 59 and could never date someone who was 69!!!

I can't even date men my own age. I prefer early 50's. Men, and I know not all men. But most men on online dating really let themselves go when they hit 50!

If they have a beer belly there will be a high chance they have ED and that is not something I could be happy and sexually content with. Very different it it was a long time partner who has health issues though.

Honestly people will be shocked how "old" some of the online dating men in their 50's and 60's look. I checked out the "competition" and looked through women my age. Most were much better groomed and looked like they were keeping themselves healthy.

And always makes me laugh when people on here complain that men OLD only want younger women. The men can want all they like, it rarely happens.

Jesus. Imagine a man coming on saying he could date a woman over 55 because her fanny will be all dried up and her tits would be like spaniels ears and he couldn't deal with the lack of sex

PaintedEgg · 11/03/2024 14:35

@SilverTay so you just don't date? Because I am fairly certain men around 50 have similar perception of women hitting 60...

While aging is normal and perfectly fine, there is no grooming that will hide retirement age, only good plastic surgeon could do this..

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