How does your sibling relationship look like?

[bell1989]

I have two sisters and two brothers. We're close on the sense that when we get together we get along great. We don't see each other often or speak everyday as much as I would like to. But they are not like that.

I have one sister 15 months younger than me.

I was very domineering until she grew taller than me as an early teen, and since then I sort of completely idolised her as she took flight and made a great career for herself in TV.

We stayed very close and I always thought of her as one of my best friends - she in London and me in the south east. But in the last couple of years things have unfortunately taken a turn.

Our parents both died in 2022 and there have been some issues around inheritance and that she thinks my parents loved me more than her. She is completely wrong IMO, but it has led to an uncomfortable undercurrent whenever we speak or meet and I'm so sad to say that it's created a distance between us that I didn't anticipate.

I'd like to think we'll eventually be able to move on from this, but she's shown a side of her that I've never seen before and I've lost a huge amount of respect for her - she's basically just not the person I always thought she was.

I only have a half brother and I haven’t spoken to him in 20 years. He’s ass though so I’m very happy with that.

@SkaneTos that is wonderful!

I'm one of four, I'm the 2nd eldest

Me and my eldest sibling are very close, we frequently visit each other, our families spend time together, I spend time with their PIL, we all go on holiday together ect. We live an hour apart but still make time for each other

I'm NC with sibling 3

I try very hard to like sibling 4 but they annoy me frequently, I feel awful that I dont like them because even despite trying to force myself, they just piss me off everytime I speak to them 🤦‍♀️

I'm four years younger than my brother, nine years older than my sister.

I didn't always get on with my brother growing up, he made things hard for the whole family. By today's standards he's 100% ADHD if not Asperger's, but when we were young he was just labelled as a misbehaving child. We get on fine now but he is difficult. There's a hundred things I wish he would do to sort himself out and make his own life easier but it's not going to happen now.

I get on well with my sister. She didn't always get on with my brother either. She lives a couple of hours away but we go and visit often and she comes and visits us. We lost our mam recently, those two were close so I try to keep in touch more regularly now.

DM was a single mother and she didn't always find things easy, as the oldest I've always felt a responsibility for them both. More than once I've thought life would be easier if I went NC with my brother but because of his behaviour he doesn't have many people left looking out for him.

My brother is in Aus so we rarely see each other. Quite a lot of WhatsApp contact and facetime though..esp with the kids.

One slightly younger brother who only contacts me when he wants something from me (typical of my family 😔).

Yes, I have always liked his partners, and got on well with them.
My brother is married now, and I get on well with his wife, too. She is lovely, and they are perfect for each other!

2 older brothers - one is 50 miles away, the other 180 miles. I don't think they have any contact with each other even though there's been no falling out, as far as I know. Last time we were all together was about 4 years ago but hopefully we'll all meet up in the next few weeks for a significant birthday.

DB1 and I text/speak every couple of months. DB2 sometimes comments on social media posts but most messages are between me and SIL, but usually only if there's something specific to discuss rather than chat chat.

No falling out, we're just different people with different lives.

Interesting article!
I can assure you that my situation is nothing like that.

My brother loves his wife. I love my sister-in-law, and like I mentioned, she and my brother are perfect for each other. They have been together for nine years. His wife and his child are his priorities, above everything else.
And I do not stay at their place when I visit their city.

I hope it's possible to have a great marriage, and still be close to a sibling.

(Edited for a missing word).

One brother.

We don't really speak much at all
And rarely see each other

I would have liked it to be different but it just hasn't gone like that

One older sister whom I've not spoken to in a few years. She was a bully when we were kids. Unfortunately, how the relationship ended still plays on my mind all the time.

Mostly texts messages every few weeks. There's 6 years between us so we were not especially close growing up. And we live 3 hours apart now, so only see each other a couple of times a year. Pretty much all instigated by me as DB is a proper introvert and will happily hermit himself for weeks on end....

Would love to have a close relationship with a sibling but it is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you for all your comments. Very interesting to see what people class is being 'close' etc.

I've 2 sisters and 3 brothers. We have siblings WhatsApp that we message on frequently, mostly like 'is anyone planning on taking mum out for dinner on mothers day' or 'should we chip in and get then a bigger present for Xmas'. I'm very close to one sister, text every day and see once a week/ fortnight. Will socialise together as do our kids. No bad feelings at all between the siblings though there has been a fall out between one sister and a SIL which makes things awkward. We will get together for a birthday, christening etc. Everyone is just busy with work and kids activities.

No you don't have the better deal at all. What a strange thing to say. So smug.

Similar, OP.

My brother would say we're really close. We have a family WhatsApp group that we all post in most days but in terms of a conversation or meeting up, well, I last saw/spoke to him mid Decembr before Christmas; if previous years are anything to go by, we'll talk about meeting up over the summer but won't find the time; and around next November, he'll lament the fact we've not seen each other since last Christmas and then we'll probably get together mid December again!

But always with family so don't ever see him on our own.

I have cut contact with my brother. I wasn't getting anything positive from the relationship, I now don't dread him contacting me.

Youngest of 5, but all half siblings. We have different dads. I'm 6 - 13 years younger than them. My sister and eldest brother are 'close', in that they live near to one another and spend a lot of time together but I can't remember the last time I heard her say something nice about him when he wasn't around. My eldest brother is on the spectrum. He's a sweetheart when I see him, but very introverted and intense and absolutely useless at keeping in touch unless it's face to face chats. He's the best dancer and I have fond memories of dancing at weddings with him. They both live a few hours from me. I used to make the effort to go there but I've just given up. My sister has often visited the city where I live over the past 15 years and hasn't told me. I used to see them around Christmas, but my sister stopped speaking with me entirely last year sometime. I'm not sure why but I can't say I miss her toxicity.

The middle and youngest brothers moved to Florida. They spoke to me and each other but noone else (including our mother). They fought like crazy but couldn't seem to live without one another and were always joining each other on business ventures and grand adventures until the next fall out when they wouldn't speak for a year or so. Middle brother died unexpectedly in 2022. The younger of the two is a mess of a human. He's a pathological liar and has been steadily abandoning children around the USA. I finally stopped speaking with him when our grandmother died in 2015 as he decided to use the opportunity to tell me a load of BS about my mother and sister. I reached out to him when middle brother died and he told me to never contact him again.

Since the only one who reached out and I spoke to often passed away I basically consider myself siblingless. They're out there, but not in my life.

It's quite sobering isn't it. My family is a mess, hardly anyone talks. But I'm hoping by raising my children to be a team (rather than playing them off against each other) that history will work out differently. They're still so little though, and I worry about the future when I read some of the comments on here. However I have many friends who give me hope. They holiday together with their wider families, live nearby one another, see each other for special occasions and make the effort for one another. It's everything I want for my children (and myself). So here's hoping! I've tried and tried to be the salve for my family. I organised gatherings and invited everyone when the children had their first few birthdays, I organised get togethers when relatives had significant birthdays or life events. But after years of it not being reciprocated and constantly dealing with people being totally toxic I've realised it's just better for me to walk away.

lala567 on checking with my husband, he is in agreement :) his brother has caused him nothing but pain and heart ache, and adds nothing positive to his life (his words).

I think parents have a lot to do with their children's relationship, particularly if you have a 'golden child' and a 'scape goat'.

I remember coming back from holiday we stopped at a hotel in Dover. My parents had booked two rooms but the one my brother and I had to share had a double bed. I would be about 11 and he was about 13.

Just for one night it wasn't really a problem except every time I tried to go to bed I was quite literally kicked out and on to the floor.

I ended up sleeping on the floor.

In the morning I was the one in trouble for sleeping on the floor.

After that there didn't seem much point in telling my parents the things he has done to me over the years.

I have quite a few siblings. Each relationship is unique but none of them are ‘bad’ relationships. Naturally I’m closer to some than others, but I adore all of them. We went through a lot of trauma throughout our childhood and I am very grateful I had them through it all.

I'm sorry that happened to you :( I've been called 'golden girl' by my sister, but I have little idea why. I could guess, but honestly not in the habit of trying to make assumptions for other people in case I'm mistaken. I'm 12 years younger than her (3 brothers in between) and always idolised her growing up. My mum and sister were more like sisters, a real twosome and a very tough crowd to break into. They often called me names or teased me for not being like them, and I adopted my personality to be more like them so I could be part of the gang. But I ultimately became someone I really didn't like. I don't want to speak badly about strangers, belittle peoples choices or bully others into sharing my opinions. I'm in my late 30's now (that's weird to see written down, but i suppose 37 counts as late?!), and have spent the last 10 years or so getting back to the person I was before I started trying to fit in. Perhaps coincidentally my relationship with my sister is now next to non existent. But then she's had a rough few years with her marriage and some stuff with her kids so perhaps it's nothing to do with me in the slightest. Unless someone tells you, how can you know for sure?

Do you feel like parenting is different now? In some cases anyway. I can't imagine my children being in trouble for something like that. I'd be curious absolutely, but not cross! Though equally today I guess the dad and brother would have shared a room and mum/sister the other now the legislation is not to share past the age of 10 if different genders! All very different