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Original poster

OLD - What do you make of this?

35 replies

Whsthappensnow · 04/03/2024 21:43

I recently tried OLD again. I created a profile on one particular site. I had a few messages and some of my matches were people I new in real life anyway. I started dating one but I was still talking to another one. At this point I'd decided to delete my profile. When I started dating one the other one hadn't been in touch in over a week anyway but I decided to message him, tell him I'm deleting my profile and gave him my number on WhatsApp.

It was another week before I heard from him again and in this time I'd been dumped by the one I was dating. (Who actually is a neighbour who I've known for ages) Anyway I told this other one everything because I feel like I have nothing to lose and I want to be honest. At this point he tells me he hasn't been honest. His profile is 7 years out of date, he's swerved sending me pictures and the ones he had on his profile were all different. He's messaging me every day sometimes funny sometimes slightly flirty. He's older than me and I'm keen to try dating someone older because the younger men I've been interested in have been either idiots or sexual predators but I've got no idea what's going on with this one.

He knows everything about me yet I wouldn't know him if I fell over him.

I had my hair done at the weekend. It was a big change. He asked me for a pic. I sent one. I asked for one back but didn't get one and as per usual he changed the subject and hasn't been in touch since.

My friends are telling me to ghost delete and block although one did say what if he is the one.

It's been a month. I did cancel a lunch date because I couldn't get away at work but given that I'm so cagey anyway it probably wasn't a bad thing and I was only dumped 2 weeks ago so probably still a bit fragile but what's going on and why is this so difficult!?

OP posts:
napody · 04/03/2024 21:48

'The pictures are 7 years out of date'.... they might not be him at all! Jesus, give this one a wide berth.

Original poster
Whsthappensnow · 04/03/2024 21:54

@napody The entire profile was 7 years out of date so age and location too.

And every picture looked like a different bloke possibly.

He says he used to live here but he moved and he's thinking of moving back. The age thing he was blasé about 'well it might say I'm 45 but actually I'm 52 and it's only a number anyway isn't it '

His WhatsApp pic is his cats

OP posts:
TrainsPlanesAutos · 05/03/2024 02:43

This person is a scammer and a liar and a stranger who knows everything about you?! Please block him. Be much more cautious about revealing yourself to internet strangers! And do not take advice ever again from that friend who said he might be the one.

GreatGateauxsby · 05/03/2024 02:54

Jesus....run dont walk.

The ghost block delete friends are right.
The he could be the one friend sounds simple. The one" doesnt behave like this...

If you insist on carrying on...stop the navel gazing chats where he "sees the real you" and meet up face 2 face ASAP. Insist on it.and get his full name google him and check him on linkedin

I did 3/4 years of online dating this guy has more red flags than i can be bothered to list

I'd bet good money he isnt your future husband.

Cuckoochanel80 · 05/03/2024 03:08

All sounds very dodgy unfortunately

NonPlayerCharacter · 05/03/2024 06:43

My friends are telling me to ghost delete and block although one did say what if he is the one.

That's a gamble I'd be so, so glad to take on this elusive, lying creep.

SamW98 · 05/03/2024 07:10

He’s a flaky lying time waster - stop giving him the oxygen of attention.

Your friends are right - delete and block. Stop wasting time on him

GreyCarpet · 05/03/2024 07:26

One of your friends said he could be 'the one'?

Seriously, your friend needs to drop her desperation!

He is openly lying to you.

He is being deliberately evasive.

He is keeping you in the dark about who he is.

He 'knows everything' about you - you know nothing about him. Not even what he looks like and everything you do know is a lie so you actually know nothing.

And you are giving him information about yourself and sending photos.

He could he following you every single day, watching your every move and you wouldn't even know he was there.

I'm not suggesting he is, just illustrating that he is less than a stranger to you.

The jest you could hope for is that he's a harmless loser. The worst, he's currently assessing just how poor your boundaries and self respect are!

Does he really sound like 'the one'? Because he doesn't to me. You don't even know what he looks like! His name. Where in the world he is. You know nothing.

Listen to your 'block' friends.

Olika · 05/03/2024 07:26

You need to stop oversharing this early. And stop communicating with men like this. Don't try to understand this and that. If there is anything dodgy with anybody you just block and delete and move on.

NeurodivergentBurnout · 05/03/2024 07:35

Honestly? I did OLD (a while) after I split from now XH..I would never chase someone who hasn’t been in touch for over a week in the first place. This bloke has admitted he’s a liar, you have no idea what he looks like. You’re vulnerable anyway. Have some time to yourself. Do some self-care. Maybe do rhe Freedom programme online so you can start to see red flags? Block this person. No good can come from communicating with him.
The hills are that way —-> RUN!

JJathome · 05/03/2024 07:41

Oh cmon op. It’s a scam.hes not who he says he is.

Original poster
Whsthappensnow · 05/03/2024 07:41

When I say he knows everything. I mean he knows a lot. I haven't given the exact location but he could figure out where I work. He doesn't know my address but what part of town I live in and what school my kids go to.

I'm knew (ish) to OLD and I wanted to be able to recognise wierd behaviour patterns. It's just in my nature to want to know why someone would behave like this? What am I dealing with? Catfish? General loser? Someone married?

He doesn't have access to my social media and says his is also out of date so I haven't seen that either. I don't know his surname and did wonder if there's any way I could check LinkedIn etc from a WhatsApp contact.

He did tell me there would be a long time between messaging but didn't say why.

I do feel a bit of a mug actually because I knew the last one was a wrong 'un too but I was persistent because I have this wierd 'everyone deserves a chance ' mentality that I could really do without!

OP posts:
littleburn · 05/03/2024 07:45

I don't want to sound harsh, but you really need to raise your standards and have firm boundaries in place. You've given your telephone number to a complete stranger - who's admitted his entire profile is effectively fake - and you're continuing to entertain a conversation with him!

OLD is a numbers game. There are a lot of weirdos out there and - even when you filter them out - the majority of your 'genuine' matches probably aren't going to go anywhere. You need to be very hard headed, maintain high standards and block/unmatch at the first red flag. Such as no picture and swerving providing one. Please don't keep getting into situations where internet randoms you've never met know 'everything' about you,

littleburn · 05/03/2024 07:51

Having just read your last post, you need to lose the 'everyone deserves a chance' mentally and actively set standards and boundaries, else you're going to be completely taken advantage of . And completely row back on how much personal information you share with people you barely know. Seriously, randoms on the internet knowing where you work, live, your kids school ... this is not safe.

Zanatdy · 05/03/2024 07:54

Nah I’d delete and block this guy

Zanatdy · 05/03/2024 07:55

Whsthappensnow · 05/03/2024 07:41

When I say he knows everything. I mean he knows a lot. I haven't given the exact location but he could figure out where I work. He doesn't know my address but what part of town I live in and what school my kids go to.

I'm knew (ish) to OLD and I wanted to be able to recognise wierd behaviour patterns. It's just in my nature to want to know why someone would behave like this? What am I dealing with? Catfish? General loser? Someone married?

He doesn't have access to my social media and says his is also out of date so I haven't seen that either. I don't know his surname and did wonder if there's any way I could check LinkedIn etc from a WhatsApp contact.

He did tell me there would be a long time between messaging but didn't say why.

I do feel a bit of a mug actually because I knew the last one was a wrong 'un too but I was persistent because I have this wierd 'everyone deserves a chance ' mentality that I could really do without!

You need to be much more careful, why on Earth does he need to know what school your children go to?

Original poster
Whsthappensnow · 05/03/2024 07:58

@littleburn It was a strange situation. The site I was on (POF) was full of people I knew in RL and I was dating one anyway but I had to come off it as well as people I work with were on there and friend's ex husband it all felt wierd and too close to home anyway.

I wanted to come off there and chat to him a bit more through maybe IG or Messenger instead but he suggested WhatsApp.

I definitely think I'll be having a break from it.

Having said that the pics he had used in his profile which were out of date he did look reasonably attractive in some of them and I was thinking if it was a catfish situation you'd go for different pics wouldn't you not some average middle age bloke?

Also the previous one who dumped me was predominantly a physical thing and I was trying not to be so superficial!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whsthappensnow · 05/03/2024 08:00

@Zanatdy he told me he was moving back to this town to his 'old house' I asked him whereabouts and when he told me I just said oh, my kids go to school there, just in conversation but afterwards I thought oh, perhaps I shouldn't have said that!

OP posts:
SamW98 · 05/03/2024 08:03

Having said that the pics he had used in his profile which were out of date he did look reasonably attractive in some of them and I was thinking if it was a catfish situation you'd go for different pics wouldn't you not some average middle age bloke?

Catfish and scammers always use photos of decent looking but not stunning people so they attract normal back. If they put up photos of Brad Pitt’s better looking twin most would know it’s a fake profile and avoid.
Watch For Love Or Money on BBC Iplayer and see the tricks they play .

SamW98 · 05/03/2024 08:06

Absolutely agree with @littleburn - if you’re doing OLD you need to hugely raise your bar and set strict boundaries. Not everyone deserves a chance - if that’s how you think then you’re leaving yourself vulnerable to every scammer catfish and wrongun out there.

You need to learn to very quickly recognise red flags and delete.

Zanatdy · 05/03/2024 08:19

Whsthappensnow · 05/03/2024 08:00

@Zanatdy he told me he was moving back to this town to his 'old house' I asked him whereabouts and when he told me I just said oh, my kids go to school there, just in conversation but afterwards I thought oh, perhaps I shouldn't have said that!

You live and learn I guess but yeah I wouldn’t mention anything too specific until you really know the man. I joined OLD for 24hrs last Easter and god it was grim. I’ve joined a group on Facebook where people share the grim messages they get from OLD and doubt I’ll ever join again. I’ll stick to my dog!

Original poster
Whsthappensnow · 05/03/2024 08:21

@Zanatdy That sounds like I might find it therapeutic! Where do I find it!

OP posts:
WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 05/03/2024 08:23

Whsthappensnow · 04/03/2024 21:54

@napody The entire profile was 7 years out of date so age and location too.

And every picture looked like a different bloke possibly.

He says he used to live here but he moved and he's thinking of moving back. The age thing he was blasé about 'well it might say I'm 45 but actually I'm 52 and it's only a number anyway isn't it '

His WhatsApp pic is his cats

So he's married.

Hence the fake age, location, pictures and cat WhatsApp.

Nothing that could identify him to his wife if anyone who knew him found him on there.

0rganisedchaos · 05/03/2024 08:44

Hi OP I'm assuming from your reply to pp that you use Facebook if you have your mobile number connected to your profile you become very easy to search for without someone having to know your full name at all I learned this the hard way ( equally you could just as easily do this to find him). Someone also found me once from typing my name company I worked for and town into Google and from that was able to access my social media and at that point my phone number which was connected to Facebook...none of this might be relevant here but I think if you're going to OLD it's important to know just how vulnerable we sometimes make ourselves without a second thought. I can't tell if he knows everything about you because you've told him it all or he knows everything about you because he's scoured your social media and is using it to catfish you into believing you really are from the same place and you just can't remember him. In either case he sounds incredibly dodgy and I think I have better chances of winning the lottery jackpot tonight than him being the one that got away so I certainly wouldn't concern yourself with that just delete, block and try again.

hennybeans · 05/03/2024 08:49

He’s probably married hence the long time between messaging and a profile 7 years old. If his wife finds it, he can just say he doesn’t know how it got there as it’s from 7 years ago clearly.
Put your guard up more, op.

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