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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can I be honest? I hate being single!

45 replies

TodayIsNotMyDay · 04/03/2024 19:36

I’m so damn lonely pretty much all of the time.

This is just a little confession, I have been feeling extra down lately and just wanted to get this out.

OP posts:
TheMushroomFamily · 04/03/2024 19:42

I hate it too. Seems everyone (on MN anyway) loves it! I absolutely hate it and can I go one step further as I’m a single mum and absolutely hate being one seems every other single mum on here loves it though and says how great it is I find it awful.

ducksinarow123 · 04/03/2024 19:58

I love living on my own, I love the peace that comes with having my own home run by my own rules. But I do miss being in a relationship and having someone to chat shit too, cuddle up with. I miss hugs and kisses and just human touch. I miss being made to feel desired too.

Original poster
TodayIsNotMyDay · 04/03/2024 20:18

TheMushroomFamily · 04/03/2024 19:42

I hate it too. Seems everyone (on MN anyway) loves it! I absolutely hate it and can I go one step further as I’m a single mum and absolutely hate being one seems every other single mum on here loves it though and says how great it is I find it awful.

Honestly, thank you!

That being said, I’m sorry that you also feel this way.
It really sucks.

I feel like there is extra pressure to be this strong independent, need-no-man single (or also single mom, I never got the change to have kids) woman.

OP posts:
DGConsultant · 04/03/2024 20:31

It's not that enjoyable for us guys too. Just started a new job, everyone is married or partnered up, mildly depressing! You just have to roll with It...

smileattherain · 04/03/2024 20:33

Me too - I don't miss the relationship I had, but I am lonely and miss the idea of having someone else to be in it with me (also single parent) when things get tricky, and someone to share the highs and lows with.

TheMushroomFamily · 04/03/2024 20:37

Maybe as a temporary situation it’s fine and even enjoyable but it’s been almost 8 years for me, that’s a long time to spend on your own and I think it’s human nature to want a partner

occhiazzurri · 04/03/2024 22:14

I think some people are naturally happier when single, and particularly those that have been in dysfunctional/abusive/unhappy relationships/marriages feel happier single than when in those unsatisfying relationships. However, if you’ve been in a fulfilling relationship that you didn't end, I think it is natural to crave having a partner. A few of my close friends have found a partner in their 40s and they seem much happier and a lot less anxious about life. Whilst most people will say I seem pretty happy and optimistic all the time, I feel anxious about having to navigate life on my own all the time.

FootOnTheGas · 04/03/2024 22:50

Life is short and rarely goes to plan, you just have to try and adapt the best you can to different stages in your life. There is probably nothing better than a happy healthy relationship. There is also probably nothing worse than being trapped in an abusive relationship where you feel you can't get out, that is worse than a death sentence.
People tend to panic when finding themselves alone thinking this is it forever more.
Nurture the relationship you have with yourself, when your comfortable handling life alone you attract healthier people. Also the more stuff you go through alone the less desire for someone else because you know what your capable of, you lose that fear.
Even if you don't have a romantic partner in your life, you can still surround yourself with love from friends and family, pets, finding things you love to do, look forward to doing and just being more loving in general. You might find someone tomorrow and never be alone again, and actually miss this time. Look at how many relationships hit the skids when both WFH or retired.

Lisagreasa · 04/03/2024 23:13

FootOnTheGas · 04/03/2024 22:50

Life is short and rarely goes to plan, you just have to try and adapt the best you can to different stages in your life. There is probably nothing better than a happy healthy relationship. There is also probably nothing worse than being trapped in an abusive relationship where you feel you can't get out, that is worse than a death sentence.
People tend to panic when finding themselves alone thinking this is it forever more.
Nurture the relationship you have with yourself, when your comfortable handling life alone you attract healthier people. Also the more stuff you go through alone the less desire for someone else because you know what your capable of, you lose that fear.
Even if you don't have a romantic partner in your life, you can still surround yourself with love from friends and family, pets, finding things you love to do, look forward to doing and just being more loving in general. You might find someone tomorrow and never be alone again, and actually miss this time. Look at how many relationships hit the skids when both WFH or retired.

Where did it say they hadn't nurtured themselves? And what's that bollocks about finding healthy people if they look within. I know some really nuts people in relationships so it's horseshit. Stop being patronising, they can say they don't want to be single!

spookehtooth · 04/03/2024 23:24

What sort of things have led to you feeling extra down?

What's your social circle like? I'm wondering if that's a factor, are there things limiting you being around people more?

I don't think its necessary to pretend anything, its not contradictory for me to both say I'm happy being single and complain about all kinds of stuff 😂Nobody's life perfect, and its fine for there to be things you don't find easy!

Toomanysquishmallows · 05/03/2024 05:14

its absolutely fine to say you hate being single . One thing I have noticed on here , is that a lot of people speak about holidays , hobbies etc . When I was a broke single parent, these weren’t an option as I had no money and no childcare .

Pepsimaxedout · 05/03/2024 05:45

I love being single but still get lonely. Two opposing things can be true at the same time. I miss physical intimacy more than anything. While I have people to lean on for emotional support etc, I don't really want to sleep with any of them!!

Almostwelsh · 05/03/2024 18:23

It really annoys me when people say that friendship fills the gap. To me it doesn't, they are two different things friends and a partner. I could go out with friends frequently, but I've still got to come home to an empty house and I've noone to discuss my day with.

I've been married and it was better than being single.

Almostwelsh · 05/03/2024 18:24

Oh and I don't want to go on holiday alone. I spend enough time alone already, I don't want it on my holidays too.

5128gap · 05/03/2024 18:37

You're comparing being single to being in a good relationship. Divorce stats alone show that you've only a 50/50 chance of being in one of those. And that's without the unhappy unmarried couples and the unhappy married ones who stay together for various reasons. I agree being in a good relationship is better than being single, but being single is better than many relationships, particularly if you're a wonan.

Lovemusic82 · 05/03/2024 18:44

Most the time I’m happy being single but there are times where it really sucks. I don’t think I could live with a man but would be nice to have someone who’s there for me when I need them.

I have lots of friends, close family but it’s not the same as having a special someone.

Toomanysquishmallows · 05/03/2024 18:45

@Almostwelsh , I totally agree about the friendship thing , my partner and I can moan about the details of our day to each other , in a way I wouldn’t bore a friend with .

Springtime43 · 05/03/2024 18:49

and I think it’s human nature to want a partner

This - but people will try and convince you otherwise

Elephantsareace · 05/03/2024 18:52

I'm happy single, and my previous relationships have been very up and down, but I miss the good stuff. Not enough to want another relationship unless it's outstanding this time.

But yeah, the lonely side of single sucks, friends and family are great but not quite the same.

Moier · 05/03/2024 19:02

@FootOnTheGas
I love your statement and so agree.
I've been single 20 years ( had close male friends.. but they have passed away.. and l grieved).
I cannot physically have sex anymore due to an abusive relationship where he threw me under a bus and left me disabled.
( He got out of jail and contacted me.. so back on the counselling ).
I have great family.. very close.. spend loads of time with them.
Fabulous friends .. l don't get lonely.. I've learned to relish my own company and heal myself.
But l am 66 and still busy with my kids and Grandkids.
I couldn't bare another man touching me anymore.
I've had so much abuse from them.

GentlemanJay · 05/03/2024 23:19

The only thing I miss is a cuddle now and again.

spookehtooth · 05/03/2024 23:49

Springtime43 · 05/03/2024 18:49

and I think it’s human nature to want a partner

This - but people will try and convince you otherwise

So you don't want to be told how to feel, whilst suggesting people who feel different to you are wrong. How does that work?

What's so wrong with just accepting there are people who are different to you? 🤷‍♂️

Starseeking · 06/03/2024 00:29

I've been single for almost 3 years now, having left an emotionally abusive relationship with DC.

While I don't hate my status, I really miss physical touch; the holding hands, the hugs, the kisses, that you'd only get from an intimate partner. My ex refused to kiss me a long time before I actually left him, and it's one of my favourite things, so that's my real bugbear.

KeiraKnightley2 · 06/03/2024 00:53

I hear you OP.

I recently got into a new relationship after a long period of being single. Could've posted similar 6 months ago to be honest.

I was content single but starting to miss physical aspects and partnership. Agree with PPs you have to build a good life on your own to attract good people. Sometimes even that doesn't work for a long time though.

Being single for a period is great. In my case I know if we break up I'll be ok. Hang in there.

Epidote · 06/03/2024 07:05

There is two ways to approach this.

My theory is that the people who hate being single are the ones that missed the good bits of a relationship all the time forgetting about the bad parts and the people who is happy being single don't want to go back to the bad bits of a relationship forgetting about the good parts.

Depending of everyone perception and what they identify as good, bad, silly, funny, unacceptable etc will determine in which side of the track of singleton station they are.

If you crave for love, look for it in a healthy way. I'm sure there is someone out there for you.

I'm more than happy to remain single for another few years, in my shoes being single is the best thing that could happen to me in the last four years.