Partners ex has made contact with him

[ThisBrightFox]

Small back story.. Partner's ex cheated on him, they had a full-blown second relationship so was all very sneaky and I met him two years later. It's been six years and we moved to his hometown, she lives close by so inevitable that we may see her. Partner has seen her a couple of times and has told me after and I'm surprised with all the social media stalking I did in the past that I didn't notice!! She was always with her partner and wouldn't even look at him.

Anyway, last week he bumped into her alone at our local shops and she was full of joy apparently and said "Hello" very enthusiastically and stopped to talk. He said hello and kept walking and when I asked him how he felt he said when he saw her his stomach dropped and felt angry that she expected him to stop and talk.

When he told me I said that's not the end of it she would be in touch. Lo and behold, he gets an email from her asking to meet up for a coffee...

She has a relationship and two children and I'm sure she knows that my partner has moved on and now has a child. Small town, she knows some mutual friends and social media would tell you as much. Partner told me and deleted the email and said he won't reply because he wants her to think he never got it but I wanted to email her and tell her to back off. My partner disagrees with this and says it will make it worse which I don't agree with and my irrational way of thinking at times makes me think he's worried about me contacting her.

I think she's cheeky for making contact considering how they ended plus the fact that everyone has well and truly moved on. Partner tried to say meeting for a coffee doesn't mean anything but I think C'mon, don't be naive... I do trust my partner but I've trusted before...

Anyway, would you make contact or just wait and see... I know this won't be the last time she makes contact and I'm sure she will make a point to run into him again. What would you do?

Seems like a very irrelevant problem considering a lot of stuff going on but it has been bothering me!

Your partner is doing the right thing.

It's understandable you're unsettled by her getting in touch but people are quite right in strongly discouraging you from wading in. It isn't through lack of community. What responses did you honestly want or expect?

Look, he was badly hurt by this woman's behaviour prior to you meeting (or getting together). Let him handle things himself. This is the best way. He is maintaining dignity and and not giving her anything to go on. If she continues, I agree he should put a boundary in place but this doesn't need your input. It isn't all about you.

Not quite the same but an awful short term ex contacted me this week. Just some crap on Instagram. My instinct too was to ignore it, delete, and not give him any feedback whatsoever. I certainly did not require DP to tell him to back off to protect our relationship.

I have to say - he clearly has a type! 😜

seriously though, his reaction was spot on (even though replying with diplomatically worded email that would amount to "f- off" may have been more satisfying to you). You know what people like her hate the most? being ignored

so ignore her

OP she's probably not very happy in her own relationship and wants to try stir things up a bit in yours. Contacting her at all would just play in to her hands and give her the satisfaction that she's rattled you.

Your husband did the right thing deleting her email and ignoring her. He hasn't hidden her attempts to contact him from you, you have nothing to worry about. Both of you should just completely ignore her and get on with enjoying your own lives.

Your partner behaviour is well within the 'don't invite contact' bracket.

He hasn't put foot wrong imo

He’s done the right thing by ignoring/deleting the email, not engaging with her further, and being open with you.

Just leave it be now. She’ll get more satisfaction out of knowing it’s triggered you and causing issues for the two of you. And you’ll only add to your partners stress about this. Just do as your partner has and ignore her, don’t give her the satisfaction.

Your angry because she knows about you and is chasing him regardless. Anyone would be, but she's a serial cheat so of course she doesn't care about your feelings. He's not going to get back with her if he has a single ounce of sense but there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent anything, so follow what he wants and tell him you are too. Say to him sorry about my reaction i was just angry at the cheek of her and of course your right and should just ignore it, because if you don't he may not tell you if he gets another. You live in a small town and he likely doesn't want drama and the whole town talking.

Anger issues really? So your partners ex contacts you tomorrow and asks to meet up, you'd be OK with that would you? Because I know I wouldn't. She's shown no anger whatsoever concern yes worry yes both completely normal in My opinion. However I'd still respect his wishes and tell him I would aswell so he tells me if it happens again

Don't listen to half of these posts they are ridiculous. He told you because he didn't want any secrets.... Not because your some controlling monster. Remember these strangers on here all have different personalities, they could be exactly this ex personality wise, so of course they are going to react like this if they are. Hold onto your self esteem op because to me your reaction is perfectly natural but please fight that instinct, if that is what your partner wants because he's been honest and you want to keep it that way.

I realise this was posted a while ago, but regardless - I do feel for you and am sorry for the way you have been treated by ppl you have invested so much time and emotional energy into. You should start your own thread for this subject to receive some much needed support.

You should ditch both friends and cut them out of your life completely. Both have used you for your support but clearly aren’t there for you and are punishing you for not complying to the role they’ve assigned you, regardless of your own feelings and needs. They don’t respect you. They don’t really care about you. They are selfish users. Leave them to each other and they will soon be reaching out to you as they will feel your absence. Your other friend is probably putting you under pressure to apologise (?!) or smooth things over bc she anticipates the main user friend focusing on her and she will be in your position - not a very attractive prospect! She no doubt also needs you to provide emotional support and is annoyed with you for acting up. 🙄

Do yourself a favour. Don’t get sucked back in or you’ll regret it as the cycle will begin again and continue. Forever.

It’s horrible when friends disappoint, particularly when you’ve been there for them to the extent you have. It’s also difficult to let go. But try not to focus on the past. Say “enough now”, draw a line under the negativity and look to a more positive, happier future, which you deserve.

Make new and better friends. It’s hard but it’s more than possible.

Good luck 💐x

Just ignore her save the embarrassing back n forth

Do not under any circumstances make contact. You are not a guard dog who needs to growl and snap at any woman coming near your partner. He is perfectly capable of seeing off unwanted attention from women himself, as are all men. They really don't need us to protect them and we don't need to fire off warning shots to protect our relationship. If your partner wants to be in touch with his ex he will absolutely do so. Nothing you say to her will prevent that. Luckily though he appears to have no interest so you can relax.

Contacting her would possibly backfire and do the opposite of what you want. It's clear his ex is a tad messed up herself. She made bad choices in the past and is continuing to make bad choices. She could well be someone who digs in and wants to compete with others. Knowing you are rattled tells her that it could be causing strain in your relationship and gives her hope if an in. You already know unfortunately that her having a partner is seen as no barrier. This is why silence is the best response as negative attention, is still attention and that is what she craves. In the end she is her own worst enemy and her behaviour won't give her a happy life. Her self esteem is wrapped up in getting attention from others. Just be glad you are not like her.

Any response from him or you will encourage her ..

She would love you to reply . She would read that as she is threatened by me enjoy her game .

I have said it before the best revenge is to move on .. support your Dp doing this

Actually, reading this has changed my mind slightly. Are you married with children? If so, then she's an arrogant, selfish twat who does need to be told to back off by one of you.

But only if she makes contact again. Would suggest it's him but if he is uncomfortable, then I wouldn't lose sleep telling her myself 🤷‍♀️

Op is getting a hard time here. This woman is contacting her husband when she likely knows he has moved on, has a wife and family now. I don’t agree that your husband is doing the right thing ignoring her, he should be contacting her back and telling her no thank you to meeting up because he is happily married. She will try again.