Just looking for some insight into my situation.
I have been with my dp for 9 years, we have 2 dc and are late 20s. My issue is, I feel like he hates who I naturally am…
there are many things I do that seem to really bother him, these things don’t seem big issues to me but they are to him and most of them are just the way I am and can’t help it.
for example, he is very particular with things (I feel like he could have ocd but I’m not sure) and if I don’t do things to his standard of what he believes is the right way, or how things should be done, then he will tell me I’m dumb and useless. It could be something small such as this morning he had seen a pair of my leggings drying on the clothes rack, he got very annoyed that I had washed a pair of leggings after only wearing them once (because he believes it was too soon, usually I would have worn them a few times but clearly there was a reason they needed to be washed sooner).
this is one small example, of many things that he picks out, and he will blame the fact that I was the last born child in my family and say I was babied etc.
he is constantly referring to me being ‘dumb’ and that I do things ‘half hearted’ and how he has to be my ‘line manager’ and tell me what to do, make me take accountability, has to double check things as he can’t rely on me to do a job properly etc. I know I am not dumb, I have many qualifications and have been quite advanced compared to others I have studied with so I know academically I’m not stupid. I also feel I have a lot of common sense, I am very independent and don’t struggle with anything so how could I be dumb? It seems he only refers to this due to him believing things should be done how he thinks they should be.
because of these things he says it’s just ‘who I am’ and that he will have to learn to adapt to me as I won’t be able to change as it’s inbred in me/how I’ve been raised. When I compare myself to others I honestly don’t think these things he points out are a big deal, but if I told him that it will only give him more reason to make me feel like it’s because I’m lazy and have been raised a certain way that’s not to his standard.
there are other things, I am quite young spirited for my age, I’m very mature but I like to be silly and have my fun/childish side and I’m quite innocent. I know he likes the fact I’m very innocent and sweet naturally, I genuinely can’t help that’s how I am naturally and even if I tried I just can’t change my spirit which is very calm, kind, young, innocent etc. but there are times he’ll also make me feel like he doesn’t like that part of me. He will call me a child, tell me I never grew up, I’m ‘stuck’ back in time etc.
it has just gotten to a point where I just feel he hates my natural self. He will tell me he loves me but his actions and words sometimes make me feel like he doesn’t genuinely like the real me. It seems to me that my natural self annoys him, I feel like everything I do just irritates him.