Dating someone who seems infatuated with me and I’m not sure?

[MountainAsh12]

I’m in such a conflicted situation. I’ve been on four dates with this guy and he’s due to come round to my house later on for a meal. He seems utterly infatuated with me, sending me messages all the time, buying me gifts, talking about booking a holiday already 🫣. He’s said he’s deleted his dating apps. Lovebombing or is it possible that he’s just really keen? He’s from a very different culture, so I suspect there’s perhaps a cultural element to this as well?

Either way, I’m unsure about him, so I’ve been holding back from constant texting, etc., and the long gushy messages, because I don’t want to lead him on if I decide not to see him again. I like a lot about him, but I want to take things slowly to see how things progress and to see whether we are in fact well-matched, but he’s really full-on.

The problem is that I feel like I’m leading him on by continuing to see him even though I’m clearly not as interested in him as he is in me? And I’m worrying about how I can call it a day without really upsetting him, when he’s so full-on? Urgh. Advice please?

I think you are answering your own question.You have doubts,I wouldn’t invite hm around for a meal,just go out for a coffee much to soon for the intimate meal.Maybe tell him you are not feeling well and need to rest the weekend.You have these feminine’s for a reason.Trust yourself.

Feelings!!

Isn’t this called love bombing?
A big red flag type of thing?

Run for the hills

You get to end it whenever you want for whatever reason. Sometimes you know on the first date it won't work out, sometimes it takes four or five or six dates. But it's something you get to do on your timescale. You shouldn't worry about "leading him on" - as adults we all know that someone we've just started dating might change their mind easily. That's what dating is. Four dates in doesn't entail any commitment.

FWIW I'd be very wary of that kind of full-on infatuation so soon as well. I'd be thinking, you can't possibly be infautuated with me for real - you barely know me. Whether it's deliberate love-bombing or not, I'd think it wasn't real.

that is way too much too soon - definitely sounds like lovebombing

I don't think I'd put myself in the situation of having him round for a meal in this case. It's only been 4 dates and if he's as full on as you say he is, do you really want him knowing where you live? I dated someone of a different culture, back in the 80s. My alarm bells started ringing after half a dozen dates... Sadly, I was right... He never got to know where I lived though...

Come over for dinner is usually code for I'll be dessert.... He may assume you are keen for that sort of progress. Are you?

This

...due to come round to my house later on for a meal shag.

Lovebombing or is it possible that he’s just really keen? He’s from a very different culture, so I suspect there’s perhaps a cultural element to this as well?
He's after a visa?

You don’t need to be polite about this if it’s making you feel uncomfortable.

Tell him it’s too much.

Also, either make it very clear that a meal just means a meal, or go out somewhere instead.

This. You don’t invite this type for a meal at your place. Fact is you should never give your address after 4 dates with a stranger. You seem to complaint about this guy being “too much too soon” but you’re showing to have a problem placing boundaries. He’s smelling that and pushing his way through. So many red flags here 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Meet this guy for a coffee at Starbucks , a walk in the park the most. Boundaries - boundaries.

That sounds quite weird

I would cool it off or finish it and I wouldn’t have him at my house - come down with a cold

I agree with the PP on boundaries - get some

Tell him you’ve decided to give it another go with your ex. He’s less likely to stalk you if he thinks there’s a bloke around…

This is quite racist.

Wrongly or rightly, I’ve already slept with him 🫣

I wouldn’t be inviting somebody that full on to my house. I wouldn’t want them knowing where I live until I’m sure about them.

I think you know what you need to do here, before it goes any further. If you don’t want to upset him now, what’s it gonna be like in another month’s time. You don’t owe him a relationship just because he seems to want one. You won’t break his heart, he barely knows you. He’ll be back on Tinder within the hour looking for his next one.

@IveShaggedSomeMingers @gannett I doubt he’s after a visa because he wouldn’t be able to return to his home country (Iran) with British citizenship 😂

@MissingMoominMamma This is a good idea actually

OP, your alarm bells are ringing, why aren’t you listening to them?

I wouldn’t invite him round so soon. If you have misgivings, listen to them.

You owe a man nothing just because you slept with him.

@gannett , it was a question not a statement, and it's not racist because different culture could mean different things.

The reference to a visa could be interpreted as slightly xenophobic, but the pattern of wanting the relationship to move very quickly fits the pattern. OP's date already has a British passport so it doesn't apply.

You seem to complaint about this guy being “too much too soon” but you’re showing to have a problem placing boundaries. He’s smelling that and pushing his way through. So many red flags here 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Our feelings are our internal smoke alarm - listen to it - take action and run .... no need to hang around to find out if the fire is from the toaster or the boiler (love bombing or cultural) - it’s still a fire.

You are unsettled. You are incompatible.

You do not owe him a shag or a relationship because you don’t want to hurt his feelings by subjugating your own.

People like him have the skin of a rhino - proven by him pushing your boundaries hard and not being attuned to your emotions. So no need to worry.

He sounds hideous, needy, desperate and controlling all in one.

What did you learn and observe about RS, personal space, agency, autonomy and boundaries when you were growing up? Did you have a difficult/volatile parent you had to swallow your feelings for to appease?