Husband blaming me for his depression and mood swings.

[Itsalwaysme9]

He claims that these feelings are related to the way I behave towards him. He claims I don’t make him feel loved or good enough or support him enough. It’s not true in the past but I have to admit I am getting fed up of always having to tread on eggshells around him. I have my own things that I need to work on but he always makes everything about him.

If I bring anything up it always ends up with it you treat me better I will be better to you etc etc.

This isn’t good is it?

He sounds awful. Self centred, egotistical, draining, manipulative.

It is unlikely he will change , most especially as he doesn't want to.
Meditation retreats for him sound like an excuse for him to indulge himself further and travel further up his own behind . Some new age bollocks really reaches new depths.
You sound lovely and your clearly deserve better. Hope you find a way forward for you and your child x

@flowertoday thank you. I did have a little chuckle because I also think it just feeds him to go to these retreats. He’ll come back fixed, he’ll have another external thing to blame for his behaviour or for why he can’t stop smoking the weed etc etc. Buf it doesn’t last long before it’s my faul.

I think people are right in that we can’t make each other happy. I’ve always been me but he stated off like me then changed and now I’m just plain wrong and I annoy him.

Geez, the weed paranoia too, as well as all the other issues. Christ on a bike this needs to stop!

@KarenW do you think the weed is causing a lot of his problems?

Well you’re on here tying yourself in knots about him and what to do. Meanwhile he’s concerned with only himself.
So that’s two people focusing on him and his needs and none on you and yours.
When you leave him make sure you stick to telling him about YOUR feelings. How things make YOU feel. YOU are not happy. Otherwise you’ll end up in exhausting examinations of him and his needs and your perceived shortcomings as the solution to all his problems.
Best of luck.

Oh and be prepared for him telling everyone you are evil, stole his child from him, ruined his life. He will look for any reason to hide behind his failures.

I've had episodes of depression since I was a teen.

I always see it as my responsibility to:

• talk to healthcare professionals
• take the medication they prescribe
• seek counselling and take the therapist's advice.

Someone can't help being depressed but it is their responsibility to seek treatment and support and not to take their low moods out on other people.

I would not stay in a relationship with a man like that.

He is abusive and using depression as an excuse.

Part of me thinks our incompatibility is what’s causing him to react like this. He is very outgoing and very much look at me and I’m completely the opposite. Neither of us are happy really. But I don’t take it out on him and I’ve suggested we just end the relationship.

You don't need to "suggest we end the relationship"! You don't need his permission to end it. Do it for your future self. And being a junkie ain't good either, not exactly a prince among men, throw him back!

This link tells you what you seem not to know about weed:

He smokes he claims because it’s makes him calmer. Being with me apparently makes him need to smoke but he smoked long before me. He can’t stop because I give the need to do it by making him stressed etc etc. It does sound like an excuse.

So many red flags here op

Yes I really think there were lots of red flags. I was young and incredibly naive when I met him. When I think about it he said we were soul mates within weeks of meeting. I really did fall for it. But now I think to myself how could we have been soul mates after such a quick time, never really knowing each other. He was brilliant in the beginning but when I think about it that’s because I tried my hardest to make up for his terrible childhood as I felt so sad for him. But then I started getting a bit fed up and made a few comments and from then on it’s like he hates me. But why he doesn’t leave and find someone who makes him feel better I don’t know. But then I’m still here and I don’t know what I get from it anymore. It’s the fear of going and what will happen that worries me.