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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Old flame back texting me

56 replies

Championfancy · 28/02/2024 18:55

WWYD
I have posted here before about an old flame. We were on an off for a long time, it was never the right time for either of us

A year ago I laid my cards on the table told him I had feelings and that I wanted something with him but he was starting to see someone and for the last year he’s been seeing that someone. I actually deleted his number off everything a few weeks ago. Trying to start moving on, even though I have feelings still.

This morning I get a whole host of sexual texts and a pic from him out of the blue. Unsolicited, completely

I can’t believe how he’s disrespected my feelings for him (I’ve crashed all day) and now I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Olika · 28/02/2024 20:09

If he truly wanted to be with you, he would have made it happen years ago. Stop wasting your time and stop giving him power.

SamW98 · 28/02/2024 20:10

Championfancy · 28/02/2024 20:04

He doesn’t actually intend on doing anything that much I know because I’ve seen him in person and he’s been very sweet and polite. He’s just being a typical manchild, he’s not a cheat.

Show quote history

He’s not being a ‘typical man child’ he’s actually breaking the law by sending dick pics.

Sweet lovely men don’t send photos of their cock when they’re in a relationship with someone else. And yes it could be considered cheating

Original poster
Championfancy · 28/02/2024 20:12

I should say it wasn’t a dikpick!!…

OP posts:
Original poster
Championfancy · 28/02/2024 20:17

Olika · 28/02/2024 20:09

If he truly wanted to be with you, he would have made it happen years ago. Stop wasting your time and stop giving him power.

I wish I could have mumsnetters with me all the time to hype me up

OP posts:
WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 28/02/2024 20:19

Championfancy · 28/02/2024 19:17

You wouldn’t tell him he’s out of line?

Show quote history

Absolutely not.

That just shows you've engaged with his frankly pathetic messages.

No response speaks much louder.

RandomForest · 28/02/2024 20:24

He's probably just had an argument with the Mrs, don't worry it will blow over and you will be a distant memory again, meanwhile your lifes been upended again.

Don't give him that power over you.

He's also not a sweet man child, he's a manipulative twat with no manners.

DrunkenElephant · 28/02/2024 20:29

Championfancy · 28/02/2024 20:17

I wish I could have mumsnetters with me all the time to hype me up

Show quote history

You can!

Every time you feel weak and like you might cave, post here - we’ll talk you out of it!

You will find your someone OP, but not while you’re still pining after him x

Original poster
Championfancy · 28/02/2024 20:30

RandomForest · 28/02/2024 20:24

He's probably just had an argument with the Mrs, don't worry it will blow over and you will be a distant memory again, meanwhile your lifes been upended again.

Don't give him that power over you.

He's also not a sweet man child, he's a manipulative twat with no manners.

It really had upended me. I could bear the blood pounding in my ears when I saw his name. Like an idiot thinking “he’s gonna tell me he’s single”

If it’s not this it’s love songs he sends me to listen to.

It’s messing with my head. I really do have to block delete and move on.

OP posts:
AprilDecember · 28/02/2024 20:34

Oh my god block him sis! It's not "just a bad situation" this guy is playing you and his girlfriend for fools.

Be sure that if you "love" him and have the misfortune to end up with him he will be pursuing other women sexually and he will say "well I thought you were ok with it" . And you will be gazumped because this situation is showing that yes, you are ok with him being sexual with other women while ostensibly in a committed exclusive relationship.

Alternatively you can respect yourself and just block him.

stan twitter: radwa el sherbiny - “blocka facebook, blocka whatsapp, blocka instagram”

#stantwitter#radwaelsherbiny#blocka

https://youtu.be/tJ7DdGhYrEo?si=ASWGu_WfMps2mEZe

Lollypop701 · 28/02/2024 20:36

So you’d be happy if he was with you and sending nudes to an ex? That’s not cheating?

you know He just wants to keep you dangling, he doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either… you’d stop massaging his bloody ego.

Original poster
Championfancy · 28/02/2024 20:48

Lollypop701 · 28/02/2024 20:36

So you’d be happy if he was with you and sending nudes to an ex? That’s not cheating?

you know He just wants to keep you dangling, he doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either… you’d stop massaging his bloody ego.

I suppose I mean he’s not going to do anything physical it’s just texts but yeah I get it, it’s not exactly good boyfriend material.

I have blocked him now without saying any parting speech.

OP posts:
B1rd · 28/02/2024 20:48

NEVER be second best. Always be someone first choice.

Original poster
Championfancy · 28/02/2024 20:59

B1rd · 28/02/2024 20:48

NEVER be second best. Always be someone first choice.

Okay I will try!

OP posts:
pictoosh · 28/02/2024 21:14

Well done. Good call.

OldTinHat · 28/02/2024 21:19

Don't acknowledge. Don't reply. Don't feed his ego so he thinks he has you at the click of his fingers.

Delete. Block. Gather your dignity and walk away.

Cuckoochanel80 · 28/02/2024 21:24

FootOnTheGas · 28/02/2024 20:05

He's probable sending the same to all his other old flames, hoping one of them will bite.

100%

DontLeanOnTheKeyboard · 28/02/2024 21:31

He IS cheating. Or his his gf ok with him sending dick pics to other women? At best he sees you as a shag-in-waiting. Ignore block delete and actually move on.

Opentooffers · 28/02/2024 21:36

Yea, but chances are he cheated on you with her in the fist place, and now he's lining you up to cheat on her.
Congratulations, you've fallen for a cheating scumbag who likes to send other people nudes while in a relationship. Is there no behaviour that is enough to put you off someone? Sending you love songs was scummy too, yet you accepted those? He should be making you recoil.

Ilovemyshed · 28/02/2024 21:44

Championfancy · 28/02/2024 20:03

I really do want to find someone of my own. I’m gutted it couldn’t be him. It took me
so long to figure out how I felt that it was too late.
He isn’t a bad guy. Just a bad situation

I guess I just felt like if I didn’t spell it out like I LOVE YOU I might always regret it (I skirted around it last time) but I guess life isn’t a movie and this isn’t a romance

He IS a bad guy. No self respecting thoughtful bloke would do that.

Move on, take time to lick your wounds, but you are dodging a massive bullet here, he is a dick (with a dick pic).

Gross.

Hiddenvoice · 28/02/2024 21:56

Even if he’s not physically cheating, sending messages to someone else even though he’s potentially in a relationship is awful. You’d be so hurt if he was your partner and doing that!

I’m glad you’ve blocked him. I know you’re seeing the good in him but sending you love songs to listen to and sending inappropriate messages even though he knows you like him is wrong. It feels like he’s trying to keep you hanging so you’re available whenever he decides he’s ready. You’re not second best and don’t deserve that.

Moonlightandroses44 · 28/02/2024 21:58

This is a huge gift. He’s shown himself for the gross twat he actually is. Why are you not totally disgusted by this??

now you can see him for what he actually is and get over him. And I say this as someone who has been head over heels for someone in a similar situation for a long time - if he did this out of the blue he’d be rightfully in the bin. Forever. I could never get over it.

Lampan · 28/02/2024 22:14

‘a typical manchild’
How attractive! Top of my list of traits I look for!

Seriously now, if he was properly interested, this is NOT how he would go about starting a relationship. He’s looking for attention and a back-up option. I would just ignore him (even blocking is a form of a reaction). Don’t give any clues at all about how you are feeling.
One day you will look back on this episode and see it for what it is, and wonder why you even entertained the idea of declaring love. Say NOTHING. Future you will be thankful.

Kiitos · 28/02/2024 22:16

Some men enjoy having a hold over women they know have feelings for them. Even when they don’t reciprocate those feelings at all. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
I agree with the advice to ignore completely.

Original poster
Championfancy · 28/02/2024 22:17

Moonlightandroses44 · 28/02/2024 21:58

This is a huge gift. He’s shown himself for the gross twat he actually is. Why are you not totally disgusted by this??

now you can see him for what he actually is and get over him. And I say this as someone who has been head over heels for someone in a similar situation for a long time - if he did this out of the blue he’d be rightfully in the bin. Forever. I could never get over it.

Maybe I’m so totally wrecked by life that I don’t believe I’m worth more

but he’s blocked now and maybe I can start forgetting about the whole thing now

OP posts:
spicedonion · 28/02/2024 22:21

Don't explain yourself to him. Do not go on a rant about his behaviour being disrespectful and how much you have feelings for him.
He's not a nice guy. He's using you and your feelings to his advantage for an ego boost, he's got you on a string like some puppet.
It doesn't matter if you 'love' this guy. Is that what love is to you?
You are going round in circles and he's also proven he's not faithful. God, stay away from him. Block him and move on with your life. Nothing good will come of this whole thing, he's not gonna suddenly wake up one day and say you know what, I love this girl and I always have..gonna start treating her right.
It's done.
The end.

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