I've never done this before so forgive me if make mistakes. I'm also on my phone so have no idea whether this will work properly. I am desperate to understand if I've done something wrong, even though in my gut I just don't think I have.
This has ended up v long, sorry. The long and short of it is my brother who I thought was having a terrible crisis was staying in my house whilst I was away and brought the woman he was cheating on his long term gf with to stay there too without my knowledge.
My brother is a good guy and I love him dearly, but his behaviour has been erratic recently and his gf of 13 years contacted me over Christmas to flag that she was concerned for him. In January, he leaves their flat saying he is having a crisis and needs space. As a family we rally round to support him but I check in with his gf every now and then to see how she's getting along. After he's left his flat, he spends some time staying with other family and also at my house, both whilst I was there and again whilst we were away over half term. He's since gone back to his city but is in an Airbnb.
On Tuesday I checked in again with his gf and I obviously caught her at a low moment as everything came pouring out - that my brother had been having an affair, the OW had no idea that he was still with his gf. The gf had contacted the OW and told her and the OW immediately ended things with my brother. My brother was totally enraged and said some dreadful things to his gf and this is what I blundered into. Now this is obviously all very bad but what has really upset me is that he brought his OW to my house whilst I was away for half term and she stayed there with him. They were sleeping in my bed. I was completely furious about this - whether he has an affair is his business but having it in my bed - just gross and disrespectful. I thought he was having a breakdown but it was just an affair.
Yesterday evening he contacted me to say he knew that I knew about the affair and we should talk as there was context I should know. I said yes but first I need to make my feelings clear about him bringing her to my house and I sent him a very cross voice note. I told him I loved him and I wouldn't tell our siblings or anything but he had really messed up by bringing her here (and in my bed - ew!)
He went completely off the deep end, he couldn't believe I would get so angry when I didn't know the half of what had happened, he would never think so badly of him, how could I made him feel so dirty etc etc and now he won't speak to me at all.
I feel awful for upsetting him but I feel like he deserved a bollocking! I was also clear that his affair was between him and his conscience but he involved me when he brought her here.
I don't really know what to do. I won't tell anyone but I want him to acknowledge that he was out of line. I also know he is just lashing out because he's been caught but it breaks my heart that he is so upset because I was maybe too harsh and didn't give him the benefit of the doubt and an opportunity to explain why he did this (although I can't really think of anything that would wash).
Was I in the wrong? Any thoughts very, very welcome. I feel quite sick about it.