What’s the ‘normal’ way to resolve this?

[Worriedaboutleaving]

I have a personal problem - I can’t stand listening to the radio - particulrly in the evenings - it’s the talking that makes me feel like I’m in a garage or some kind of day time bustly space and I just can’t relax. It’s like I have a phobia about it. If it’s on I have to go up to the bedroom which I also hate as we have a really lovely cosy sitting room where I love to be in the evenings.

(D)H wants to listen to the radio 1-2 nights a week. I’ve asked for a music-only station / playlist or something, so he still gets the variety of music. He says he shouldn’t have to do all the compromising and flatly refuses to find a music only station or playlist.

How do normal people resolve this?

I think it’s a shared space and so we need mutually agreeable music or whatever.

He said ‘i believe a shared space is a place where compromises are made to make the space enjoyable for all and I do not believe that I have to make all the compromises all the time. i listen to my music 1 night a week at best. you get your way every other night and you can not compromise even one night. if find that so fucked up i can not stand it.’

What’s the solution?

One night? Wear headphones to keep the quiet for yourself.

He said ‘I find that so fucked up i can not stand it.’

One or both of you uses noise cancelling headphones?

Or as it’s only one night a week you could maybe have a nice long bath and an early night with a book.

He loves listening to music. Any music. This is what I don’t understand.

Well if its one night and you get your way the other 6, then he's right and you need to suck it up

If it’s just 1 or 2 nights then can’t you do something upstairs on those nights ? Have a bath, read in bed?

Or would he wear headphones?

He chooses the music the other 6 nights. Me getting my way is that it isn’t the radio. Does that still count? And if you’re in a shared space - don’t you find something that everyone wants to listen to?

He chooses the music we listen to every night. He wouldn’t need to wear headphones as he enjoys it.

What do you both do in the evenings ? So the music / radio is on, what are you actually doing ?

Do you ever get to chose the music ?

We’re both working on our laptops

I never choose the music because as long as it’s music rather than talking I don’t mind what it is.

You’re working on your laptops every evening ?

In which case I’d probably just go and work elsewhere. Or stick headphones in

Just let him have the radio one night and out your headphones in

Surely he can wear headphones? They are so comfy. Why are you both working so much?

I love listening to music and do it multiple times a day - own Spotify playlists usually. I cannot relate to not listening to music and wouldn't date anyone who didn't like music. I'm fairly particular though and know what I like, couldn't listen to any old music and some stuff offends my ears.
Given that it's only once a week, I think either sick it up or go out for that evening.

Headphones were invented to solve this problem.

My husband and I don't share the same taste in music, but we alternate who gets to choose what's playing in our shared office. If he decides it's a Deicide sort of evening, my noise cancelling headphones come out and I disappear into an audiobook.

@Opentooffers I absolutely love listening to music 🙂 I just struggle with all the talking and ads on the radio when relaxing on the sofa in our cosy sitting room in the evenings.

So does he actually like the inane chatter of DJs and annoying repetitive jingles? Because otherwise I don’t see what his problem is. You’re not dictating how much or what type of music you both listen to, you just want it to be music rather than radio blether. Which seems to me a reasonable compromise already - he ‘s picking the type of music every night, you’re just asking that it’s music playlists not the radio per se.

Have you asked him what it is that appeals about hearing the DJs and adverts that listening to music-only playlists doesn’t fulfil for him?

@SoundTheSirens yes it’s what you say exactly.
He says he likes the variety of music played on the radio. I’ve suugested radio based playlists and that we find an alternative together that suits him but he won’t. So I leave the room because I just can’t stand to listen to it and he tells me that I’m having a tantrum and I’m miserable because I don’t want to spend my evenings sitting on the bed or wearing headphone. All to avoid the jingles and inane chatter.

Could you try headphones or loop ear plugs or similar? I understand that might not be your preference but if that means you can sit and relax without having to hear the radio, is it perhaps not a better solution than having to leave the room?

A compromise would (to me!) be that he gets to listen to the radio he wants to 1/2 nights a week, vs the other 5/6 when it's something you're happy with too.

The compromise is the agreement you've got now! If it was radio every night then I would suggest a compromise of 1 or 2 nights a week.

Or one of you go and work in another room on "radio night".

It's not a compromise if he stops something he enjoys completely just because you don't like it. That would be selfish and controlling on your part.

Ah OP I have had this issue in both my previous relationships… slightly different as they wanted music on all the time and I didn’t…. Sadly it never resolved with either of them and when we broke up they both talked bitterly about not being able to have music on whenever they wanted …. ( we tried compromise, headphones… all of it)… can’t see a good solution that fixes the issue only compromise where you are both unhappy…

Do you have Alexa, OP? I believe you can get radio stations through there that don’t have a DJ but aren’t as predictable as a playlist in that you don’t know what song might come up next IYSWIM. Would that be acceptable to him?

Listen to a podcast or Spotify with ear buds 7 nights a week. Or find a more exciting man...