My mothers odd belief system

[MrsCurmudgeon]

I was out walking the dog this morning on a huge beach. There was a single magpie and I had a weird panicky sensation. I was suddenly reminded of my Mum losing her shit if she couldn't see a second one.

She would be in an absolutely foul mood all day and basically cause the 'sorrow' herself by starting an argument or breaking things in her temper making it a self-fulfilling prophesy. She would decide the day was ruined and just lean into it by being violent, aggressive and nastily short-tempered all day. We would have to be on eggshells because if you set her off there was hell to pay. The fallout was huge, prom dresses ripped in rage, longed-for event dates canceled. woe betide if you had to ask for something on a magpie day because all bets were off.

If I see one - I get a sudden panicky sensation but then say to myself that if I see a single magpie, even if I can't see one right now, there are always two and go on with my day.

I currently have a terrible set of mouth ulcers after some dental surgery and I keep having this feeling of being uncountably guilty, you know that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach that you are in trouble? - It took me a moment to remember where the feeling originated from.

When I was about 13 my mother sat me down in that 'you are in trouble and we are going to have a talk way' and explained that she heard me mention I had a mouth ulcer. She angrily informed me it was because I had lied about something and you only get ulcers or sores on your tongue if you had told a massive lie.

She then hounded me to tell her what I had lied about and when I tearfully explained there was no lie she grounded me for lying about lying. Each day she would ask me to tell her the truth, there would be no consequences. So I would, that there was really no lie and she would ground me another day again for lying - until I broke after a few weeks and told her a made-up lie to break the chain of events and then she grounded me for a month for lying the first time. Sigh. (there was genuinely no lie - I was a shy friendless bookworm)

Sorry for that random stream of consciousness. The magpie and the ulcers happening on the same day just brought this to the forefront of my memory and the fact they made me have a visceral reaction even though it was decades ago made me feel the need to write it down to get it off my chest

Parents are quirky. You're overthinking. Change your thinking on her and laugh at her oddities

Pressed send too early

Clearly she had mental health issues at the time for her reaction to be so extreme

Bloody hell, OP. That’s something else.

I hope you feel better for having written it down and that your mouth ulcers are better soon.

I don't think that's quirky or to be laughed at. Your body is having a learned response to the deep fear you felt as a child. I'm so sorry OP. Have you had therapy?

@Maddy70 Oh sorry - I should have said that my Mother is not a nice person, not quirky. These 'beliefs' I feel were purely excuses to treat people badly. A pattern for her whole life.

I am very LC with her now and I rarely dwell on her or the things she did. It was just these two things together today that caused a sudden reaction that I genuinely thought I was far past - it took me by surprise, that's all

Totally disagree. The beliefs about magpies and ulcers are quirky, perhaps, the way she treated you was emotionally abusive in my view. I’m sorry OP. It sounds like you do well to manage your understandable reactions and have good insight into how it affected you.

The influence of a superstitious parent really hangs around, doesn't it? I still say" your sorrow go with you", to myself, when I see a single magpie.
I can remember being told that a pimple on my tongue meant that I'd told a fib. Luckily for me, while my mother was superstitious, she wasn't as extreme as yours must have been OP.
There's a good Inside Number 9 on bbc iplayer about Friday 13th and superstition. A bit of black humour often helps!

Omg! My mum did the same going about the mortgage ulcers=lying thing! It used to drive me mad as I had braces which caused a mouth full of ulcers from the rubbing but my mum would beat me for "all the lies I keep telling".

It's a completely insane thought process and I'm sorry you had to go through that, it sounds like your mum wasn't mentally well and clearly was taking things out on you.

I would hardly call those behaviours quirky oddities..

Sorry @MrsCurmudgeon ,I've just seen your second post. Your mother sounds horribly abusive, it sounds as if the superstition was just an excuse to pick on you.

To be fair to @Maddy70 - I didn't paint the full picture in my first post and I can see how it would look the a quirk or intense superstition if you read it in conjunction with my title

@Quinque Hey! no worries! - she was very superstitious so your post was fine. She just took it further than most would.

Sorry to @TheNameIsDickDarlington for reminding you about something so horrible.

Yes, my mother has a whole belief system that is fundamentally negative; super anxiety driven, hyper critical and really quite controlling.

sadly for me I, to borrow a phrase, “Married my Mother”. It may be surprising but since I have got divorced I have also been able to ditch trying to please her, and have liberated myself.

Yes, she may have mental health issues but that’s no reason for me to sacrifice my life on the altar of her impossible behaviour, regardless of how strongly other posters believe MH difficulties give you free reign to cause any level of destruction/obligation/guilt on others.

Sending you a hug OP. Horrible feelings to resurface for you and what sounds like a difficult childhood. What your mother did was not normal. Be kind to yourself.

@TuxedoCatsRule - Not only is your name one hundred percent correct (I have three tuxedo cat brothers) you are a lovely person too. Thank you for your hug :)

No, it's not quirky, she sounds emotionally abusive TBH and those superstitions were just an excuse for her aggression and bad treatment, from your description.

My grandmother had a whole list of sometimes very arcane/old superstitions and when something reminds me of them, I feel quite happy and smile at the memory. That's normal I think, what you went through wasn't and I'm sorry.

Hey @LeoTheLeopard I am so pleased you liberated yourself.

Crikey she's hard work. I'm sorry to had to grow up in that atmosphere.

When I see a lone magpie, I always ask him how are his wife and children. Because he's not alone, she's just busy nearby!!

If I see a single magpie, I work on the basis it's likely to be one of a pair out getting stuff for the nest or the chicks, which is nothing but positive in my view.

Quirky??? That is not quirky it's bloody abusive. You are not over thinking op. Well done for recognising that it wasn't right and being able to tie your current feelings back to where they originated.

It was quite clear op don't apologise. Only someone with the emotional intelligence of a rock would have made the "quirky" comment,

Hugs from me too, to OP and DickDarlington. Your mothers sound hellish. I hope the present is a much happier place for you both, and remember that you are now safe -- she can't pull you back there.

On a happier note, when I once got a wart my mother gave me sixpence to buy it from me, so it would disappear from my skin and appear on hers. Can't remember if it turned up on Mum, but it did go from me! I believed warts were caused by holding coins in my hand, so to this day I find myself putting them down or into my purse as quickly as possible.

My mother once asked her pendulum if I had any homework I wasn't telling her about, and it said "yes." I got a slap when I said I didn't.

She would do the same thing with invented lies. She'd scream and actually froth at the mouth telling me I was lying. The only way to get her to stop was to really lie, and make up whatever I thought she wanted to hear.

Sorry it happened to you too, @MrsCurmudgeon

Your DM is an abusive disturbed woman and I'm glad to hear you're VLC with her.

We have magpies nesting at the end of our garden atm and I presume they take turns coming to the birdfeeder (singly) as mum must be sitting on eggs.