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Original poster

Is this weird 2 days after having caesarean still in hospital…

30 replies

MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 19:08

I had a baby a couple of months ago via caesarean. I stayed in hospital a couple of days. Two days after giving birth, from my hospital room, my husband attended an online award ceremony for his boss whom he had nominated for an award for being amazing and inspirational leader. They are quite close. He seemed more proud of her and excited about this than of me having a baby. I’ve thought about this from time to time since, and just find it odd. Or AIBU not to be the focus of his attention during this precious time? We had been trying 6 years with many losses to have our baby. I feel that his work penetrated our family and personal life yet again.

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 25/02/2024 19:12

Why not put this on hold until your baby is six months or more? Snuggle down with the little one and don't think about the husband. Give your body time to recover.

ApolloandDaphne · 25/02/2024 19:13

Imagine that having worked for years his job defined him more at that point than being a parent which had just happened. He probably hadn't really had time to process being a parent. I know after I had my first it took me days for it to sink in that i was a mum. How is he as a dad now that baby has been here for a few months?

LostittoBostik · 25/02/2024 19:21

StopStartStop · 25/02/2024 19:12

Why not put this on hold until your baby is six months or more? Snuggle down with the little one and don't think about the husband. Give your body time to recover.

This

PinkFrogss · 25/02/2024 19:32

How has he been in the months since?

How much paternity leave did he take and how was he while on leave?

ILoveSpoon · 25/02/2024 19:37

I was disappointed in my husband after I gave birth and the circumstances meant I had no pain relief.

Did he tell me he was proud of me? No.
Did he tell me I'd done great? No.
Did he suprise me with flowers when I finally made it home after 3 nights in hospital? No.

Some men just don't think like that.

He did something nice for someone and got some joy from it. That is ok.
The timing was rubbish but it's a separate issue.

RoseAndRose · 25/02/2024 19:43

He didn't pick the date of the award ceremony.

A few hours for a one-off work event is really not that important in the greater scale of things.

Or do you suspect an inappropriate attachment to the colleague?

Snugglemonkey · 25/02/2024 19:53

My dc was in Nicu for 8 weeks. I had a section. We lived a distance from the hospital and lived in a Ronald Mcdonald house while dc was in there. My partner took no leave. He got up and went to work every day. He wanted to keep his paternity leave for having dc at home.

Looking back, I was too traumatised to even think about this. I am sure he could have had compassionate leave or whatever. I think he was too traumatised to be thinking right too.

I would not get too caught up in this. I think it is very hard for your mind to be working well when there are momentous changes happening.

mynameiscalypso · 25/02/2024 19:55

My DH left me in hospital the day DS was born (also an ELCS) so he could go for a run. It was a bit odd in hindsight!

Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 20:25

StopStartStop · 25/02/2024 19:12

Why not put this on hold until your baby is six months or more? Snuggle down with the little one and don't think about the husband. Give your body time to recover.

I think that I do need to focus on my baby and myself. It’s true. That was in the past - there’s so much to loongireard to. I’ve got to put it out of my mind

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 20:30

ApolloandDaphne · 25/02/2024 19:13

Imagine that having worked for years his job defined him more at that point than being a parent which had just happened. He probably hadn't really had time to process being a parent. I know after I had my first it took me days for it to sink in that i was a mum. How is he as a dad now that baby has been here for a few months?

He is pretty awesome. He’s not perfect - who is?! But He tries hard to be present and is super helpful. I think he is a workaholic too as his job is demanding. He tries to be all things to all people. Perhaps I need to look past the weirdness

OP posts:
Nearlythere80 · 25/02/2024 20:33

People are full of baffling nonsense when babies are born, both the parent having thr baby and the one who is not. My partner decided to do an extra shift at work on the weekend of paternity leave as it was 'a non working day normally so would look lazy not to volunteer' and felt that this would somehow bank some extra goodwill for having been 'allowed' the leave. When they arrived at work everyone told them they were a twit and should be at home with me (but sadly didn't send them home..)

there is a lot of weird pressure at workplaces, i guess that new fathers etc worry they will be considered less reliable/committed/available as much as new mums do?

Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 20:33

mynameiscalypso · 25/02/2024 19:55

My DH left me in hospital the day DS was born (also an ELCS) so he could go for a run. It was a bit odd in hindsight!

Thanks for sharing this @mynameiscalypso youve made me laugh!! know if that was your intention. Men can do really odd things at times of high emotion for us!! I can just picture the scene now… 🤦🏽‍♀️😆😬

OP posts:
Piggletta · 25/02/2024 20:36

Mine went to the pub the night I came home after C section.

NameChangeAgain0224 · 25/02/2024 20:36

The day after our son was born via c-sec my husband left me all day to go and be a Best Man at his friend’s wedding.

There were two best men as the groom knew my baby was due around the wedding date so technically DH didn’t have to go, but I didn’t mind.

I genuinely wouldn’t read too much into it OP and don’t let it fester.

Congratulations on becoming a mother 💐

Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 20:37

PinkFrogss · 25/02/2024 19:32

How has he been in the months since?

How much paternity leave did he take and how was he while on leave?

Edited

He’s a workaholic so I don’t get much of a look in. But he is an amazing dad and was fantastic on his pat leave too. I just sometimes can’t help feeling I’m less of a priority than work.

OP posts:
Boomer1964 · 25/02/2024 20:37

My DH didn't have a single day off when DS was born. Just turned his phone off in the operating theatre! Men are just like this. Don't overthink it.

Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 20:48

NameChangeAgain0224 · 25/02/2024 20:36

The day after our son was born via c-sec my husband left me all day to go and be a Best Man at his friend’s wedding.

There were two best men as the groom knew my baby was due around the wedding date so technically DH didn’t have to go, but I didn’t mind.

I genuinely wouldn’t read too much into it OP and don’t let it fester.

Congratulations on becoming a mother 💐

This makes me feel better. I’m getting vibes to chill out about it and that it’s not such a big deal. Phewy!

thanks for the congrats too. I’m on cloud 9 now after our traumatic time trying to get to be a mama 😍

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 20:49

Piggletta · 25/02/2024 20:36

Mine went to the pub the night I came home after C section.

🤦🏽‍♀️ really? Well, he didn’t do that at least, it’s good to get perspective over this 👍😃

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 20:52

Nearlythere80 · 25/02/2024 20:33

People are full of baffling nonsense when babies are born, both the parent having thr baby and the one who is not. My partner decided to do an extra shift at work on the weekend of paternity leave as it was 'a non working day normally so would look lazy not to volunteer' and felt that this would somehow bank some extra goodwill for having been 'allowed' the leave. When they arrived at work everyone told them they were a twit and should be at home with me (but sadly didn't send them home..)

there is a lot of weird pressure at workplaces, i guess that new fathers etc worry they will be considered less reliable/committed/available as much as new mums do?

You’re right! So much of who we are and what others think of us is tied up in work! People I guess, do do weird things when it comes to babies too…

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 20:56

RoseAndRose · 25/02/2024 19:43

He didn't pick the date of the award ceremony.

A few hours for a one-off work event is really not that important in the greater scale of things.

Or do you suspect an inappropriate attachment to the colleague?

Perspective. Yeah, it’s over and done with now. Not that bad at all just felt a bit weird in my hospital room to mix the professional with something so private but hey doesn’t matter any more.

and yes, their relationship does give me little alarm bells ringing… I’ve seen the way his colleague looks at him and he gushes about how fantastic she is… it makes me a bit uneasy tbh

OP posts:
Samanabanana · 25/02/2024 20:57

Good god, the bar is low for men. Yes it's weird that your DH was taking a work call (for whatever reason) in the hospital room two days after you had literally been sliced in half to have a baby. It's not normal for men to fuck off to the pub/go for a run/carry on working when they've literally just had a baby. None of the husbands I know have been like this when their wives have had babies - they've all been present and supportive!

Original poster
MamaJayBarton · 25/02/2024 21:08

Samanabanana · 25/02/2024 20:57

Good god, the bar is low for men. Yes it's weird that your DH was taking a work call (for whatever reason) in the hospital room two days after you had literally been sliced in half to have a baby. It's not normal for men to fuck off to the pub/go for a run/carry on working when they've literally just had a baby. None of the husbands I know have been like this when their wives have had babies - they've all been present and supportive!

I flipping love this response @Samanabanana 👏🏼👏🏼 it’s not ok is it?! My gut tells me that all of us women should be made to feel like an absolute queen , nurtured and prioritised supported and respected when we’ve just given birth and the months after! We fucking deserve that much! Jeez how refreshing to have this side of the coin too. I mean it’s in the past now but in future I know where my boundaries are! Thank you again!!

OP posts:
socks1107 · 25/02/2024 21:13

My husband went to work the morning after for an important meeting. I never really thought about it tbh! Along as he's present in babies life it was a small moment in time

BurbageBrook · 25/02/2024 21:15

Wow this thread is like a race to the bottom! Yeah it's a bit rubbish OP!

nildesparandum · 25/02/2024 21:23

I have had two c sections both emergencies under GA 54 and 51 years ago. I was very ill after the first and my DS1 and I almost died.Paternity leave did not exist then,, so DH had booked two weeks holiday two weeks after expected date of birth.
Baby was three weeks overdue, I was in hospital a fortnight afterwards so DH went back to work the day after baby and I came home.I was alone for most of the time, my mother was at work MIL came to cuddle the baby then left.
The worst part was MIL feeling sorry for her son, my DH, as I had given him a dreadful fright by nearly dying.She also did not realise caesarean sections existed, ''nobody in the family has this happen to them'' as if I had done this deliberately,ater all she gave birth at home to a baby who weighed 14lbs(DH sister) without any of this trouble.DH attitude not much better as he had been tutored by his mother.
When I got pregnant the second time DH joined the merchant navy and did not come back till DS2 was two months old.No thought given as to how scared I was, after all this went on in WW2 so why get worried about going away and leaving pregnant wives?
I had another EMCS, was in hospital for two weeks, MIL looked after DS1 which I was grateful for my own mother was conspicuous by her absence.
DH arrived home as earlier stated, two months later.I could not be bothered to go to the airport to meet him, he came in taxi, walked into the house as if he had never been away.DS1 treat him like a stranger, he glanced at DS2 and said ''Hello'' to him the proceeded to tell me he needed a rest as been sitting in an airport all night waiting for a flight and was tired!My reply is unprintable on here
All of this is true I am not a troll.