Strange encounter after falling out with someone

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

I posted something last Sunday about an acquaintance/friend who was on FB and we fell out. Got some good advice here and thought nothing more of it after it happened, we’d just not be friends anymore etc.

So yesterday I had a day off work, I’ve been unwell the first part of the week with unexpected visits and a blood test. Went to meet a friend who lives nearby and past where this first friend/acquaintance lives (she lives about a 40 minute drive away, where we met was approx 15 minute drive away from there) at a local garden centre and had lunch there. We also walked her dogs as it’s nice countryside nearby there too. Then we both popped into the local big Sainsbury’s which is a 3 min drive away from there. I was in the toilets there when someone came into them whilst I was in a cubicle and as I came out of it it turned out it was the friend I’d fallen out with. She turned to me and immediately asked me what was I doing in the area, was I stalking her (her DH had said same thing in texts on messenger to me last weekend). So no small talk eg hi, which I didn’t expect anyway. I told her that no I wasn’t stalking her and it was my right to go where I pleased and meet who I pleased too. I really didn’t want a confrontation or argument. Then I walked off. My friend who I’d met up with (who doesn’t know this woman at all) said she’d noticed this woman after getting her shopping see me go into the toilets and make a beeline for the toilets as though she was following me.

What do I do now? Just avoid her? I was quite shaken up by this but I don’t want to have to avoid certain areas which aren’t even near where I live in case I bump into her again! Should I have avoided that area? My friend said I did and said the right thing to her and that I’d done nothing wrong.

Definitely make a note of it and log it if it happens again.

You carry on with your life, go where you please and spend no more time thinking about her.

Next time she comes up to you, tell her to piss off away from you and to stop being so obsessed with you 🤣

Block her, block her husband, block her friends, that way there can be no way you know where she might be.

It's a bit much that she thought you were following her! That's annoying but back away from any connection.

She and her husband sound a bit unhinged. Why is he involved in you falling out with his wife? Is he trying to scare you? They sound like they think they’re in an episode of Eastenders. Some people live very dull lives and she’s obviously getting off on the drama of you falling out and trying to make it into something it isn’t. You can go where you like.

They’re already blocked! I think she saw me in Sainsbury’s and was taken aback that I was there but it’s one I sometimes use if I’m that way which isn’t often as I said! And I have no idea of what her working patterns are, though she does do part time work I recall now.

All connections, even those who were mutual FB friends I’m now blocking and deleting.

You don't have to do anything, just live your life as normal and go where you please.
If she's there, so what? Ignore her.
If she starts bothering you, don't get drawn in to the drama, don't engage at all.

What happened is I originally messaged him as I’ve met him once or twice with her and I wondered if she was ok after not hearing from her about a hair appointment. That was it. She’d blocked me for some reason on FB etc but I had no idea if she’d done it or why. She had a bereavement before she met him though and she was naturally very upset over it.

I do think both she and him love drama though. I’ve heard I think through another school friend that they’ve done similar before to someone but this was Chinese whispers stuff and as I’ve met her a few times before I thought she was ok, but definitely an old school friend/acquaintance whom I don’t know well. She shares a lot on FB and instagram though. Way more than I’d do!

My other friend whom I met yesterday after this incident happened, said don’t worry, if she sees her again she won’t acknowledge her either, as they’re not connected at all! And she said go where you like when you like. Thank god this nutty woman doesn’t know my address only the area where I live!

I think she was completely out of line and you said the right thing to her.
Unfortunately some people are so self obsessed that they think the world revolves around them and so the only possible reason you were there must be because you were stalking her 😂.

There's no point worrying about what she says and her delusions, just ignore her, go wherever you like and try to not let it affect you.

This is what I plan to do! She was quite threatening though, standing close to me in a confined space. My other friend said she’d be tempted to alert sainsburys staff there or security.

Yep definitely doing this.

The person that follows you into the toilet is the stalker, not the person meeting other friends and getting some shopping on the way home.

Op I’ve had this happen to me. The same thing, accusing me of following her; she was OUTSIDE my house at the time. Unfortunately some people act out their unresolved childhood trauma when there’s conflict in their adult relationships. Just grey rock. I used to parrot a cheerful ‘I can’t talk right now’. She got bored.

@speakball Thanks for sharing and so sorry this has happened to you too!

She seemed normal years after our school days, when we met up (I used her home hairdressing services). A bit quiet sometimes but seemed like a normal woman with a family.

I’ve since heard from my close school friend whom we share after she saw a cryptic post from this woman on her Facebook page about stalkers and you can’t trust anyone! So the other friend texted me today and then rang! I was quite busy today so explained the situation briefly. She told me the one time she’d met up with the woman who followed me (they’d been at the same school as me for 3 years together) she’d done the exact thing to her, talked at her about being bullied, did she know the bully (the bully was semi famous in a certain field) now? My friend said, no and no etc and felt her behaviour was very strange. When the woman asked to meet her again she said no.

I’m guessing with me, she doesn’t know me well at all. I’m fairly private on social media though some of my exes are on there, photos of us etc. So maybe because she doesn’t know me she wants to control or stalk some aspect of my life. It was weird how last time we met (I went to her place for home hairdressing) in Covid she commented on my brand new car (Audi 4x4 electric) and very old designer bag I had with me but with definite envy. I like nice things and have been gifted nice jewellery etc and take pride in my appearance. My old car was years old! Her new DH spoils her and they go away a lot now, she even has an Instagram page for that, but I think she now compares herself to others whereas she didn’t seem to before. There’s no way I’m jealous of her as I’m quite independent but also secure in my own self confidence.

Thank god she doesn’t have my address! My friend I went out with said any time I need to see her and go there, just do it and grey rock her.

The one thing I’m scared of with me is if she catches me on the wrong day I’ll let rip at her, not attack her physically but tear her a strip verbally. And I’d prefer not to do that. I do also have some sympathy if indeed she was bullied and it’s unresolved. I’m too bloody nice basically!

*What happened is I originally messaged him as I’ve met him once or twice
with her and I wondered if she was ok after not hearing from her about a
hair appointment. *

I think herein lies the problem.

Hmm all your posts indicate this woman is an acquaintance with whom you've reconnected with because she has done your hair a few times. And yet you jumped straight to messaging her husband as she didn't reply to one of your messages. It does come across as a bit intense so I can see her POV however of course you can go where you please and should carry on doing so going forwards and give no more head space to this woman.

I would say don't get tangled up in gossip or drama about her. Also gossiping about her with other friends isn't healthy. Rise above it. And find someone else for your hair.

It’s this.

Both of you seem a bit intense.
I’d go elsewhere for my hair, I just wouldn’t want to deal with this level of drama. Especially if you think you’ll snap- that could end up all over social media.

You're overthinking this. Let it go and move on with your life.

Log this with Police and you will have some record to use should you want them warned off.

There's nothing to log in a one-off incident 🙄

I think the pp who states the issue is likely to be that you messaged her husband is probably right.

And don't gossip with others - chances are this will get back to her.

The predatory phone call disguised as concern. 😂

Please, you fancy him.

Why did you even have his number, she's your hairdresser.

Are you the hair dresser? 😵‍💫

Are you the hair dresser? 😵‍💫

No, how often when you book a hair appointment do you call their husband if you can't get through.

So from her side.

Theres been a fall out. You have displayed (they feel) some intense behaviour. And likened you to a stalker.

and within a week or so, you turn up in their local supermarket. She confronts you.

I would chalk it up to an unfortunate coincidence. She feels you are stalking her. Rightly or wrongly. So she confronted you. Perhaps she thought you realised you had been seen and were trying to hide. Crossed wires when people are annoyed/upset/angry happens.

You know it’s not true and it’s unlikely to happen again. It was such a massive coincidence.

I imagine if she posted her version saying she had a friend who was very intense and felt stalked by her so she cut contact. Then friend turned up in the supermarket where she lived, quite a way from the friends house, people would be telling her to log it too And agreeing you might be dangerous.

Oh ffs! I don’t fancy him at all! He’s 60, definitely not my type unless you like the white man van builder type and I’m seeing someone new.

Her DH died of cancer before Covid and was ill several times. She messaged me several times during that period wanting to meet and I didn’t really want to do so, so didn’t, as I said, she’s an acquaintance/very old school friend and I only knew her a year in school and we weren’t close then. If you see my pp on this you’ll see how she was a bit intense with me when we did meet up not for hair appointments and so I backed off. I’m not her therapist and she was too intense as a friend.

I messaged her recently for a hair appointment and to ask how she was just generally and no answer. I then messaged her now DH on FB messenger as I noticed I was blocked etc on there and on Instagram and wondered why, if she was ok as I know she’s been down in the past. Also her current DH has replied to comments on FB etc in past to me and I’ve met him once. From his reply I worked out why she’d blocked me. Not going into that here as it’s unnecessary drama.