The point of a thread often turns into what people responding want it to be rather than what the OP is asking, and with assumptions often made.
It's clear that you’re both uncomfortable in going to the hospital where your husband receives his care and that you need support too - which is very relevant. As @WetBandits mentions this is something very much recognised by our clinics and increasingly being acknowledged by HIV charities, though funding can be difficult in offering this. Our (usually 6 monthly) appointment are not just about weight and height, bloods taken and meds picked up/delivered. It’s also very much about how we are getting on from a physical and mental perspective, any coping mechanisms we are using if we are struggling, our relationships and how best to support us and those close to us. This chat with our consultant or nurse and being able to ask questions can often take up the majority of the appointment and I hope that this is happening and he is engaging with it.
You mentioned that your husband didn’t take his meds correctly at one point through not wanting to go to the hospital over the pandemic – it’s not clear if he told you this at the time so you were aware of the potential for his viral load to become detectable. You’re aware from the Dr. that it didn’t rise sufficiently for it to be a risk to you if you were having unprotected sex. The studies done showing U=U were based on have a viral load of less than 200. The machine that measures mine goes to less than 20. If for whatever reason it were to rise a bit I still wouldn't be able to pass it on.
I previously mentioned PrEP as being an option which presumably your husband’s clinic would have discussed with you if they thought it was needed. It sounds like your husband is sharing the challenges he is facing with you but maybe not understanding of the challenges you are also facing. If you’re able you could discuss this with him and his consultant/nurse together and your concern that if you don’t go to his appointments with him he won’t go. Your husband should understand that ultimately he is responsible to his care and his clinic should be able to help if he is struggling with this – and you too.
Peer support can be a part of overall support. I’ve already mentioned Plushealth which has the benefit of supporting people affected by HIV too and is accessible from anywhere in the UK. GHT in Manchester is a fantastic charity and good to see they also have support in place for people affected by HIV - not just people living with the virus. THT as mentioned also has several services online and in person for your husband, and depending where you live there are others including for you. Happy to private message more details if you wish. It can be a very lonely experience in having or living with someone with HIV and not being able to talk about it with others who might understand what you’re going through. Sadly there are many serodiscordant couples who feel they cannot talk about it outside of the clinic.
I get what you mean about going to the clinic and it just being men in there, and it might be easy for some to assume they are all gay. As an older woman I’m ok with it, aware that hetero diagnoses are increasing more than in the gay population currently and found that my new clinic has more women there. About a third of people living with HIV in the UK are women (over 50% are worldwide) and they are getting their care somewhere! We can get our care where we choose. There were a few reasons I switched, one being my usually low blood pressure used to go right up every time it was taken there. I felt that I related the place with the traumatic experience I experienced when first diagnosed and swapping to somewhere else has helped. This is why I wondered if it is something your husband might consider doing and might help you too?
Hopefully in sharing some of this from my perspective and what I’ve found this might help you a little.