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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Frustrated because he hasn’t cum?

34 replies

hocuspocus21 · 21/02/2024 21:36

Hi all,

A little bit about how it is before I go into this. Me and my partner have an almost 2 year old. I work full time from home 9 - 5:30 some days longer, I do this all whilst taking care of my little one.
I do majority chores if not all, I also pay half the rent and my OH pays the other half. However I pay all the bills and most groceries because he is in a part time job. Even if he has work a little later on in the day let’s say the afternoon he still won’t wake up and take care of our little one, I will have to do it whilst working. Maybe a day here or there he will that’s it.

Now, we haven’t slept together since Valentine’s Day so a week.. He has been so agitated, constantly huffing and puffing, sighing, getting annoyed at me and my little one. I’ve grown to really resent him, but the last few days he has really made me dislike him. For example he has been calling our little one a pain in the ass, bane of his life and saying things like “you’re annoying” whenever he has tried to get intimate with me as little one began crying. I felt disgusted hearing him say that because he is feeling horny. I never said anything back to prevent an argument but I was thinking I’m done with this shit.

He has said now he is back to playing football and more active I should have more sex with him as he needs it whereas if he was lounging around on the PlayStation then I don’t need to as he is hornier when physically active. I just brushed it off as I honestly can’t be arsed for it.

I’ve already had conversations with him telling him he doesn’t pull his weight and I don’t want to have sex with a man child and then he will do some things 1 day here and there and think he supports. He can’t even pick up or tidy up after himself.

The tenancy is in my name, please don’t tell me to get the police involved to get him out. However I do want him to leave and whenever I tell him to he never does and starts playing mind games to get me back where he wants me but I genuinely want him gone as I’ve had enough but he knows the code to the building I live in which gains entry inside as there is no fob so I’m not sure how to go about this..

Also I’m not overreacting about the comments am I?

OP posts:
Lemsipper · 21/02/2024 21:38

The title of this was a bit unnecessary OP 😅

sprigatito · 21/02/2024 21:40

He's a disgusting pig who has no respect for you. He sees you as an appliance for him to use, not a life partner. I couldn't stay with him and I wouldn't want to raise a child to believe that this is a normal way for a man to treat a woman. You're a human being, not a toilet. Ugh, he's sickening.

PawsisShady · 21/02/2024 21:40

Change the locks. Add a chain to the door
If he breaks in then you need the police

Lampslights · 21/02/2024 21:40

Then get him out. And your title is weird.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 21/02/2024 21:41

He sounds repulsive. Get him away from you and from your child.

GoodnightJude1 · 21/02/2024 21:43

Change the locks. Throw his PlayStation out the window.

Original poster
hocuspocus21 · 21/02/2024 21:47

Sorry about the title guys!
It’s literally what he said, that his frustrated because he hasn’t cum and that’s why he is moody. Sorry it’s horrid 🤢

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 21/02/2024 21:47

There's a lot to unpack here. He sounds like an absolute waste of space for a start, perhaps you should tell him that YOU'RE hornier when he's pulling his weight and providing for or at least caring for his child.

Also how the hell are you working full time AND caring full time for a toddler or have I misunderstood that?

TheSnowyOwl · 21/02/2024 21:49

Regardless of the title, you want to break up with him and that’s the crux. You need to tell him this and tell him to move out. If he doesn’t, then box his things up and change the locks. Then give him back his belongings.

Is he your child’s father?

Original poster
hocuspocus21 · 21/02/2024 21:50

QueSyrahSyrah · 21/02/2024 21:47

There's a lot to unpack here. He sounds like an absolute waste of space for a start, perhaps you should tell him that YOU'RE hornier when he's pulling his weight and providing for or at least caring for his child.

Also how the hell are you working full time AND caring full time for a toddler or have I misunderstood that?

I’ve discussed providing with him but it’s all false promises and whatever else.

I am a manager so I have a team that tend to get on with their day as they work sending emails once I’ve set directive and I am at my laptop for support my company is aware I have my little one with me and I’m able to tend to his needs too but it can get chaotic with no support.

OP posts:
Original poster
hocuspocus21 · 21/02/2024 21:52

TheSnowyOwl · 21/02/2024 21:49

Regardless of the title, you want to break up with him and that’s the crux. You need to tell him this and tell him to move out. If he doesn’t, then box his things up and change the locks. Then give him back his belongings.

Is he your child’s father?

He never leaves when I tell him to, it’s always I will or I’ve paid half the rent so I’ll go after that etc but never ends up going I’m so sick of his shit but I feel so broken down, weak. Ergh!

I do just want him gone his behaviour and actions make me sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
hocuspocus21 · 21/02/2024 21:53

And yup his the father to our little one but does sweet FA for him.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 21/02/2024 21:55

Do you have any male friends, a dad a brother? That would come around and support you with not letting him in?

BertieBotts · 21/02/2024 21:57

Does he never go out of the house?

Police might be a good option. I know you don't want to involve them, but if he's refusing to physically leave it might be the only realistic one.

Lampslights · 21/02/2024 21:58

hocuspocus21 · 21/02/2024 21:52

He never leaves when I tell him to, it’s always I will or I’ve paid half the rent so I’ll go after that etc but never ends up going I’m so sick of his shit but I feel so broken down, weak. Ergh!

I do just want him gone his behaviour and actions make me sick.

Show quote history

Look op. You’re a grown up, if you wish him gone, give him a timeline and stuck to it. You had sex with the man a week ago for gods sake.

Original poster
hocuspocus21 · 21/02/2024 22:00

BertieBotts · 21/02/2024 21:55

Do you have any male friends, a dad a brother? That would come around and support you with not letting him in?

I don’t have anyone, not even friends let alone male. I can’t even ask for support from male colleagues without him acting a certain way.

My manager said I need to put some of my team on performance reviews however I’ve never done it via the new system as I was off and there is one other manager who has started doing some so she asked him to go through it with me so he did that today and you should’ve seen the reaction I got. The other manager said he wasn’t in this week but if I get stuck he is in next week Monday Tuesday and my partner heard Tuesday he said what’s happening tue so I just mentioned oh he just said this then I got so you don’t know how to do performance reviews? Why don’t you know? Then he sat next to me and said so are you going to do your performance reviews then.. Made me feel so intimidated

OP posts:
Original poster
hocuspocus21 · 21/02/2024 22:01

BertieBotts · 21/02/2024 21:57

Does he never go out of the house?

Police might be a good option. I know you don't want to involve them, but if he's refusing to physically leave it might be the only realistic one.

The last time I dialled 999 he came to punch me in my face and scare me so I disconnected he did that so I cut off I just didn’t know what else to do

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 21/02/2024 22:03

Him
Works part-time
Doesn't contribute to food or utility bills
Doesn't help with chores
Doesn't help with childcare
Demands sex when he fancies it
Appears emotionally detached

You
Work full-time from home
Supervise a toddler full time
Do all the chores
Pay the lion's share of the bills
Receive no emotional, financial or practical support
Are expected to provide sex when he fancies it.

Playing on the PlayStation rather than seeking full-time work would be a deal breaker for me.

Someonescatmum · 21/02/2024 22:08

So he's threatening and violent as well?

What are you doing?

SwordToFlamethrower · 21/02/2024 22:09

You've tried to get police involvement before, but he threatened to punch you in the face?

Then you are in serious danger and so is your beautiful baby boy.

I think you can dial 999 quietly and they will come and do a welfare check. When they come, say you are in an abusive relationship with a man that is threatening you with physical violence when you ask him to leave.

SwordToFlamethrower · 21/02/2024 22:11

Call the police while he is out and they will make sure he doesn't get back in.

BertieBotts · 21/02/2024 22:13

I'm sorry, that sounds hard.

I think I would start by calling your local domestic violence unit at your local police. They can advise you on what the best course of action is and how you can stay safe while you extricate yourself from this relationship.

For example it might make sense to take your toddler and go to a safe location, such as a public library or even the police station, while you inform him by text or phone that the relationship is over. There are police orders that you can get which will make it illegal for him to come within a certain distance of you or your address. If he comes within this he can be arrested. The police will also be able to offer advice about securing your home against him breaking in if he did ignore the order, in order that you could call 999 in time. If he wants to have contact with your son, this may be able to happen at a contact centre.

What he's doing is totally not acceptable and there are safeguards in place that you can access.

Please also be careful about this thread, clear the history on your phone or computer so that he can't tell you've been on here. Log out of your MN account and keep name changing if you think he knows your username. Consider starting a new free email account and moving your MN account over to this one, in case he has access to your email account and sees thread notifications or updates there.

BertieBotts · 21/02/2024 22:14

Or you can go into settings and turn off all email notifications.

BethTalk2thehand90spodcast · 21/02/2024 22:19

I can tell you that in your position, I’d remove what appears to be a threatening situation for your child. Frankly, it doesn’t matter what your thoughts on the relationship are at this stage, the priority has to be the welfare of your child. Sorry if that seems harsh, but sometimes a spectator has a better view of the game.

LauderSyme · 21/02/2024 22:29

What an absolute fucking loser knob he is. He has no legal right to be in your home. Please screw your courage to the sticking place and get him out, whatever it takes.

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