at my wits end with my dp. think its time to call it a day but i dont know how i can bring myself to end it

[juicychops]

long story but il try to cut it short...
me and dp have been together over 2 years but i have known him for years

he has 3 kids aged 10-14 who he sees at weekends. Dec 06 i extended my overdraft to lend him money to get through xmas with his boys. this has slowly added up to £600 over the year and hasn't paid any of it back yet.
last June he begged me to get a credit card as he couldn't get one under his name (something to do with his mortgage he has where his ex lives with his kids). he wanted to get a car and driving lessons so he could sort his life out and be able to see his boys more. he promised it would only be for a few months until he tried a bit harder to get his own credit card then he would transfer the balance.

He is now up to the limit of this credit card which is £3500 and hasn't had one single drivinglesson or bought a car. all the money has gone on xmas and crap for his boys.

he also wont get his own credit card to transfer the balance as he said he is re-mortgaging his house next year and the credit card will effect it. He has promised he will pay me back for the credit card and also the other money as soon as he has sorted his money out.

we had a chat about the credit card last Thursday and i said i feel like he has conned me into getting this card and its only fair that i cut the credit card off now so he cant spend anything else on it but carries on paying it back. he aggreed that was fair but just let him use it Saturday night to take his boys out for dinner for easter

last night i text him saying ive cancelled the card now as he's taken the boys out for dinner.
he completely lost it with me and send me some awful texts saying he needs it tomorrow (today) and hes warning me about the fucking shit he keeps getting off me. he said i promise from the bottom of my heart i will leave you. i am not making threats i am telling you straight and i dont give a shit weather that bothers you or not.
he said he's running out of patience with me big time. if i give him any more lectures then we're finished and told me to put the card back on. his boys are the only people in the world who make him smile and they are less hassle than me.

its upset me so much and i do just want out now but i still love him so much and cant bring myself to do it. he also has said he would always pay me back what he owes me if we split up cos he knows i would be on his back for the rest of his life. but i still worry he wont.

i have barely £6 to myself each week after all bills are paid, i cant afford to pay back a credit card. i am already paying back a loan which i had to get out to pay back my overdraft because he hasn't paid back the other £600 he owes me.

my life is such a mess and i just dont know what to do.

only read OP

what a wanker

leave him now. Cut the cards up and cancel any outstanding payments.

He is using you, treating you like shit an dthen turning on you when you question him. Kick him out on his arse and see a solicitor or a CAB advisor to see whether or not there is any way of you taking him to small claims court or similar to get your money back.

What a shitbag

Oh Juicy, you poor pet.
I know where you are at, it is just beginning to sink in and it hurts like hell, because you know once you realise how much he has used and abused you, the floodgates will open and you will feel the most angry you have ever felt in your life.
This is scary and also you are probably afraid of him and his reaction - and of being alone - it's natural, a lot of us have been through similar. But the fact is if you leave it and keep going like it is, you're literally throwing good money after bad, and when it DOES end, you will have more anger than you do now stacked away to deal with.

It's gonna take guts to face your own anger and hurt when you see it for what it really is, but do it now rather than later. It can only get harder, trust me there

I'm possibly way off here but did you have a difficult relationship with your father? Did he maybe leave you, did you feel you had to keep trying harder and harder to please him in case he left?

We often replicate childhood attachments in adult life.

Most of us have done it to some extent, some worse than you so please don't feel like an idiot - you're not - but you DO need to get really, really angry and just see the difference - once he sees you have found your anger and won't take his shit any more, he will be running scared. Truly.

Good luck pet, keep talking, we are here for you. He is being a complete shit. I'm so sorry xxxx (realising he doesn't love you is helpful. It helped me leave the man I loved so much. It took me longer to realise I just loved a fantasy and he was pretending to be it)

you have not wasted 2 years. You have learned a vaulable lesson. Some people waste a lifetime on losers like that and STILL don't learn.

Be strong x

hi jc, i am sort of in the boat with you . My soon to be ex dh took me for a bank ... now im in loads of debt. We do try and think they will change their spots but they wont. I know its a cliche but put it down to experience. It is better to have loved and lost tha never loved at all. please have the courage to get more out of life, you sound such a nice person. we are toonice for our own good. Especially when they say its for their kids!! Wow how that guilt hits you . I really hope when you check tonight things will be looking better for you, keep your chin up, we deserve better .

I agree with the last 3 posts on here strongly.

He will use you. You deserve more than this.

Cut him and his manipulation loose, and thank your lucky stars you regained your self respect before its too late.

I haven't read anything other than the OP.

Leave him. Now.

Oh I am sorry for you, but you must have nothing more to do with this man, for your own sake. The financial advice sounds good too.

hi jc ,please post on here and let us know that you are ok and dealing with your problem . XXX

hi just a quick drop in so that you didn't think i had forgotten you all and your help. on my way to take ds swimming

doin ok. he is still gunna pay back what he owes me even though we arn't together so hopefully he will. he gave me some money yesterday

cant really be bothered to do anything at the moment. got no interest in anything and work yesterday was hard to focus

but il be ok.
staying at my dads tonight for a change of scenery

Juicy, it's not wasted if you put it down to experience and don't let it happen again. Well done you, you've done the right thing.

aww Juicy, it WILL get better although it all looks like shit at the moment.

it will get better, my ex dh is coming to visit tomorrow so gotta put on a smile for the kids !! wish me luck. xx

Poor thing JC, this is the hard bit, it's completely the right thing, honestly - #i'm very relieved - however please be carfeul and don't go back to him. I know it would seem easier but it would just get worse - it sounds like you've crossed the bridge and will never feel the same about him, well that's a really good thing, well done for being so brave.
Still here to listen if you want to talk anything through. xxxx

I really really hope you stick to it because it sounds very much like he's been using you for money - money stops and he doesn't want to be with you any more-basically you have to pay him to be your boyfriend! If you let him charm his way back in he will start to try to get you to finance him again. He's probably going to pay off a bit, try to get you back and then start draining you again.

He's used you. Please don't let him continue.