Not sure if I cheated on drunk night out

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I tried to keep this brief but struggled so apologies for the essay.

A couple of weeks ago I had a night out with a friend after not being out properly for over a year. I wasn't overly drunk or so I thought but towards the end of the night a random guy approached me and offered to get us a shot - I then informed my friend and we both followed him up to the bar and all had a shot. However after this my friend walked slightly ahead of me on the dancefloor near two other friends we'd spent most of our night with and I stayed just a little bit further back from the bar where we'd had the shot and the guy was speaking to me - I can remember laughing at him for some reason and asking his age (as I knew he was a lot younger than me) to which he told me how much older his last relationship was. I then pointed across and reached out to my friend and told him she was single but that I wasn't - which is the case. The thing that I'm struggling to accept is whether or not I kissed him - even though I'm pretty sure I didn't as I had zero interest in him and I wasn't looking for any male attention whatsoever. But I keep feeling so guilty that I even accepted the shot in the first place and why on earth did I speak to him afterwards. Literally nothing else happened and I hadn't even danced near him or flirted so I can't get my head around how this came about. I obviously wish I'd just said no thank you at the offer of the shot as I then wouldn't be in this position at all but I feel so guilty and am convincing myself that I must have kissed him. I remember the walk home etc with my friend and some of the conversation we had so surely I would remember a kiss?? I've never been in such a mess with anything like this before and it's taking over my life. I know that probably sounds ridiculous but I don't know what else I can do to move forward. My friend is adamant nothing happened but I'm worried what if it did and she didn't see it?

I can't escape this and think I need serious help.

Has anyone experienced similar or can offer any advice please x

If you cannot remember and your friend didn't see anything, it is most likely you did not kiss him. Try not to worry yourself too much.

If you weren’t mortal drunk and remember the walk home you’ll remember if that happened too. So I’d guess it didn’t and you’re torturing yourself over nothing. So don’t worry. And def don’t accept drinks from strangers there’s a lot of spiking goes on in clubs.

I think you need to stop worrying about this. You have no memory of doing anything, your friend is sure that you didn't, so there's no point torturing yourself with what ifs. All of the what ifs are out of your control, but you are in control of what you do now. So just make the decision not to accept a shot in the future, and tell yourself you've done nothing wrong and to move on:)

This is the thing, I'm just such an honest person and have such strong feelings about cheating.
Luckily the shot was handed straight to us at the bar and not just given by the guy. But still I think what on earth went through my head to even accept it! I feel that's bad enough. And wish I know what he'd said to me for me to say back to him about his age and point him in the direction of my friend.
I am an overthinker/worrier, always have been so I really do hope I haven't done something and just blocked it out.

Christ this is a massive non problem. Unless you've got some backstory to this and you usually kiss people when drunk?

The only stupid thing you did was accept a shot from a random bloke. The rest is so unimportant I can't believe you're wasting a minute of your time on it.

No not at all! I understand it probably is a massive non problem to most but not to me. Which is why I've felt so rubbish and looking for advice I guess.

I get younger men asking to buy me drinks a lot, I tell them 'I don't want to spend all your pocket money'. Don't feel guilty about a shot, he was happy to waste his money on you, you don't owe him anything because he bought you a drink and I'm sure you didn't kiss him because you would remember. Trust me, drunk men dribbling all over you is memorable for all the wrong reason, even after a few gin and tonics it wouldn't just slip your mind! You're fine.

1. No reason to think anything happened. Put it out of your mind.
2. Stop accepting drinks from strangers.
3. Don't get so pissed that you're not sure whether you kissed a stranger.

Yes I get that, which is partly why I feel so bad. I didn't need to accept the shot, but I had my friend with me, I guess I'm worried it might have looked to him like I was interested which I definitely wasn't.

Sounds like a form of intrusive thoughts.

They're not real. Just because someone has intrusive thoughts about driving into a wall doesn't mean they have any intention of driving into a wall.

Just because you have thoughts of "what if" doesn't mean that it happened or that you wanted it to happen ir whatever other scenario your brain decides to use to beat you up.

Doesn't sound like you kissed him. These sound more like intrusive thoughts than anything else.

I had this many years ago after a work night out. I was told by one person that I’d kissed a work mate, but I didn’t fancy this man at all, and I’m not sure I’d even bother to have a conversation with him. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone else, and I do have the occasional flash back to it, but i’ve decided to disregard it as it’s just not something I would do. I assume this person had their reasons for trying to upset and wind me up.

Do you struggle with anxiety because if you do it might be worth seeing your GP to arrange some support?

I struggle with anxiety and when mine was really bad in the past I would obsess about whether I’d done things I’d clearly not done. Eg whether the person I was in a car with had hit someone during the journey and neither of us had realised, which now I know sounds ridiculous but at the time there were occasions I asked my friends to turn around and drive back.

It sounds like you’re doing a version of that and this just happens to be the thing you’ve fixed your anxiety on.

If you had kissed someone else even drunkly you’d remember.

Never accept a drink off a stranger. I've been spiked twice - luckily I don't think anything happened either time, but it could of, and it still creeps me out years later. If some memory flashbacks are like looking through a collidoscope or foggy haze, it could be that you were spiked. With drunked forgetfulness I've found that a few words from a friend are enough to jog the memory back and it's always a clear picture.
On balance it just looks like you are overthinking it.

Thank you I do I have a history of depression/anxiety and have wondered if that's linked to this and why I'm obsessing over it. But then convinced myself it must be because something happened. I just wish I'd not accepted the shot.

This appears to me like OCD/intrusive thoughts. Have you ever experienced similar types of intrusive cyclical thoughts previously?

OP - how old are you? This is the sort of thing that kicks in in peri.

Yes I have done on and off over the years, with panic attacks where I convince myself I can't breathe or that I'm going to faint.

I have been quite stressed the last few months with a lot going on in my family so I thought a night out would help but now regret every moment. I hardly ever drink either so clearly can't handle my drink, but we had been for a meal before we drank so I can't say I was the drunkest I've ever been, I was a lot worse when I was younger as would not even eat before going out. And when I was younger/single I have remembered all drunken kisses that I had.

I think the fact I in a committed relationship has maybe made me more convinced/worried that I could have done something. If that makes any sense.

This is awful to have and I've had it many times. I don't drink anymore. You've been told by your friend nothing happened so I think nothing did and you need to put it out of your mind.

You’re having intrusive thoughts
stop engaging with them and they will disappear is the short advice. You’ve not done anything wrong x

Intrusive thoughts/OCD-type behaviour. I have had similar. I spent all of Christmas one year panicking I’d had sex with a colleague in the toilets at the Christmas do because I’d got drunk and been a bit flirty (I categorically didn’t!). If you’re prone to intrusive thoughts, a bit of guilt ramps them up tenfold. It’s anxiety. You would remember if you’d done anything else.

It sounds like a false memory. They’re more common than you think. When I drink too much, I have a recurring one, never turns out to be true. They can make a person so anxious though. Try not to worry about it.

You would remember. You remember exactly what happened and what was said down to the details of your mates walking in front and pointing, saying one was single but you weren't etc.
Stop beating yourself up!

It's your anxiety talking OP. Whenever you think of it tell yourself that it's your anxiety trying to trick you into thinking you've done something you haven't. Intrusive thoughts are horrible, read up on them as I find understanding helps with dealing with them.