Long distance relationship; he resents me for not moving yet

[xxlouisewellsxx]

Partner resents me for not moving to Spain yet as I said I would move about 6 months ago. Been together long distance about a year and a half. On my visits (months at a time) me going there and him coming here, we argue quite a lot so I have put the breaks on.

now whenever we talk, he makes me feel unwanted, resents the hell out of me, one word answers etc and generally I feel like I’m making all of the effort and he doesn’t treat me very nicely anymore. He says it’s because I haven’t moved yet and resents me for it. Now I’m stuck because I don’t want to move countries feeling how I currently feel, but can’t move forward as he isn’t treating me well. Long distance is taking its toll so I’m not sure in which direction to go. Any advice.

Call it a day?

The direction that's the opposite way to him.

We’re engaged and I genuinely blame myself for the way he is acting because he resents me.

Yes, it’s not clear what you would gain by moving to be with someone who makes you feel guilty, unwanted and you are in arguments with. Whereas if you call it a day, you can take some time for yourself to feel better and move on with your own life.

End the relationship. It's very clearly the right thing to do.

The current arrangement isn't working and uprooting your life to please a surly man seems like madness.

Being single for a while would be my advice

Stop being silly. He treats you as he does because he wants to.

You can be dis-engaged or un-engaged. What ever the right form of words is.

He has no reason to resent you, surely, and if moving was the right thing to do, then you both would be communicating about the issues and finding a way forward. There is nothing to blame yourself for here.

Don’t ignore the red flags, he is treating you badly because you are not doing what he wants. He is showing his true self so make sure you take notice and end the relationship.

Come on, you know it's not your fault. You've had the narrowest escape possible. Thank god you didn't move over there earlier as by now you'd be kicking yourself.

Tell him adios and start a new life without him.

He's sulking and being emotionally abusive to get his way. Why on earth would you want to marry him?

And? Break it off, it's not a legally binding contract.

Then you can block him and not have to deal with the difficulties you have where your self preservation instincts are screaming at you DON'T DO IT and he's trying to force you into ignoring them and moving over there.

I know. Part of me does think this. But then the other part of me thinks it must be frustrating waiting 8+ months for your fiancé to move countries if you are waiting. I’m torn. @TheNuttyNatterer

@DaffodilsAlready maybe he has run out of patience.

Then he should talk to you about it, find out what's really behind the delay. He should be concerned for your wellbeing and coming back over here to see you regularly.

So, why haven't you moved yet?

Moving countries is a massive step, especially if you have DC over there you won’t be able to easily bring them back if you separate. It would be foolhardy to move after a year, so taking longer to think about it is not unreasonable.
If he does not understand that, and cannot behave maturely about you taking the time to make the right decisions for you, then you are right not to go. It is that simple.

Do not ignore the red flags here that are waving at you.

You are not responsible for his actions; he is. You did not drive him into treating you this way either. He does this because he can and feels entitled to do so. All he wants is some woman to come to Spain to look after him and otherwise clean up after him.

Call off the engagement and end the relationship. Its over really now because of the abusive ways in which he treats you. Marriage won't make him improve any, this is your life with him going forward and this is who he really is.

But that is his problem, not yours. He could move here too. But no, you are the one expected to uproot your life and he is punishing you emotionally for not doing it.
honestly; I know it is much easier for me to say than for you to do, but if you are not able to communicate properly with him and to come to a resolution which allays your concerns and you are happy with, moving is not the right thing to do.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Perhaps it is time you unlearnt the crap that you have learnt along the way through counselling. This man targeted you I think and deliberately as well, he is certainly your Mr Wrong.

You don't treat someone you love the way he's treating you.

Why doesn't he move here?

How he reacts is not your responsibility. Repeat 10 times.

If you're British, surely he must realise that the practicalities of moving to Spain are no longer straightforward?

Why didn't he move here?

Why don't you look at it like this: he's frustrated and annoyed and has responded in a nasty, angry way. You've learned a valuable lesson.

If you marry a man who is horrible to you before you’re even married, you’re a fool.

Probably he doesn't want a relationship with you any more (sorry if that's harsh OP). But he's picking an argument with you so you break it off and he still looks good. I don't think you should go if it's not a great relationship - he sounds a bit of a twat who can't communicate clearly.