Am I over reacting or is this manipulative

[Allthegoodnamestakken]

DP and I have been together 9 years, we were young when we got together so it was only the last couple of years I’ve really started thinking about marriage and kids. Over the last 12 months I’ve made my feelings on this very clear and he has always made the right noises.

Things have been a bit patchy lately an a few months ago during an argument about something stupid he told me that he has planned to ask me to marry him very soon but how could he propose if I was going to trap him in a marriage of arguments. This really upset me it was a stupid argument and prior to this we were perfectly happy.

Since then theirs been a few occasions where during minor disagreements he has made comments along similar lines. I now feel as though he is basically using marriage and kids as a threat to get me to never question anything, never argue back always be on my best behaviour. It’s making me feel very manipulated and actually ruining how happy I felt in the relationship.

He was over an hour late without telling you, then got angry very quickly.

I suspect he's having an affair.

If you told him 3 times in the past year that you want marriage and kids, then he's had plenty of opportunity to get the ball rolling. Instead, he's becoming angry and blaming you.

Think of it this way. You had 9 years of fun until you wanted some real commitment, but he's not the right guy for the next stage of life, so Marie Kondo him. Thank him for the joy he brought, and turn him out of your life.

If a guy were treating your friend like this, you'd tell her to end it.

Contempt is the number one predictor of divorce. This relationship has run its course. Walk away with the (mostly) happy memories intact and move on to find someone who cherishes you and shares all your dreams.

And for anyone thinking of ending a relationship - you’re not starting all over again, you’ve got years of experience to now know what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship!

Also, it’s 2024 fhs! Why do men still have the “power” over setting marriage and dc in motion; not referring to you specifically op, just trying to make the point that heck, you don’t need any permission from him, you can set your own wheels in motion in a different direction should you choose to do so!

Thankyou for all your replies, theirs a lot to think about and me leaving isn't quite as simple as goodbye we own a house, four dogs and live a plane ride away from any of my family (should add it was my choice to move I moved before meeting him).

@Allthegoodnamestakken totally understand that the upheaval of a split wouldn’t be easy. Certainly easier than if there’s a child involved though! This really is where you need to take a hard look at your life as it is atm, and what you want going forward. The shared history, dogs, a home together, can often make the prospect of a huge change seem very daunting, and ‘is he really that bad?’ thoughts cloud your vision. You don’t have to make any major decisions immediately, you can give yourself say, a year, to observe your relationship, clarify your thoughtsabout it, about marriage and children with him, and whether his manipulative behaviour is maybe more widespread towards you than you’d noticed.