telling the wife about an affair

[mlo00678]

this will divide opinion but if you knew about an ongoing affair would you tell the wife of the man. there is no doubt it is going on and i am mates with the woman involved

Would you want to know? If I thought a good friend knew my husband was having an affair and didn't tell me, that would end our friendship. If we can't have one another's backs then that's pretty sad.

yes i would

Personally I'd confront the husband first and strongly urge him to come clean - then if he doesn't I might tell.

It'll be better coming from him.

No

I would depend on my relationship with the individuals.

Not the same thing but I remember when I was a teenager and my friends boyfriend was cheating I decided not to say anything because a. friend was a bit of a frenemy and would have believed boyfriend over me and b. boyfriend was a bloody idiot who wasn't even being discreet so I knew she'd find out by herself.

The point of that crappy ramble is that there's loads of factors.

how would i know he hastold her

The wife might not believe you or blame you somehow, or might want to just turn a blind eye but you've forced her hand, etc etc.

I agree with this.

I would want to know however I’ve seen it when someone has told the wife and been ostracised while the cheating husband is forgiven.

It’s a difficult one.

You're mates with the wife? Or the woman the bloke is knocking off?

If you're friends with the wife, I'd tell the man I know, then keep out of it.
If you're mates with the OW, I'd tell her I think she's doing the wrong thing, then keep out of it.

If I had proof then yes I would.

If she's your friend she might tell you about it

I assume the wife would kick him oyt

i'm mateswith the ow not the wife

Just keep out of other people's relationships. Leave them to it. Baffles me how much some people want to get involved in other people's dramas.

Do you know the husband ? If you are just friends with the ow and don’t personally know the couple I would stay out of it.

No, I wouldn’t tell her. I’d tell the cheat that I know and that I can’t keep lying to his wife.

If you're mates with the ow I'd keep well out of it tbh. If you interfere you'll lose your friend for sure. You don't know the wife so you don't know how much she knows. She may already know, she may be "getting her ducks in a row" as they say on here. It's just a huge can of worms

@mlo00678 So the OW is your friend, does she want the wife to find out?
You could tip the wife off anonymously

In that case I’d tell her your opinion but keep out of it.

If the wife was your friend I’d say different but in this case steer clear of their drama

If she was your friend, I would've said absolutely, tell her, but as your friend is the other woman then I would stay out of it.

OP, this reads like you are the OW and you're trying to gain insight of how likely he's going to shut the door in your face if you pretend to be an anonymous person and tip off his wife.

Do you know he's not going to ever leave her for you, so you're trying to get her out of the picture in the hope you have a shot then? How romantic.

not the OW but have been cheated on and hate it

Absolutely yes.

I'd reconsider the friendship in that case.

Yeah well, happens all the time or are you going to try to police everyone's relationships.