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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mortgage joint now homeless urgent help

65 replies

Ems8765 · 17/02/2024 06:46

I split with my partner 10 months ago and had a joint mortgage which is still active. We have a 5 year old kid together who is life limited. I gave up work for 5 years to care for our sick son but ran up £13k debt because I wasn't working but reliant on his money and my carers allowance. My ex offered me £13 to get out the house as he knows I'm struggling. My name is still on the mortgage I took the money because I was desperate now I have no where to live. I can't see my son as he is in the house with his dad. I really don't know what to do :( I'm still paying the bills and half the mortgage. He has cushty life style and is well off can I walk back into the house ?

OP posts:
SilverBranchGoldenPears · 17/02/2024 08:21

This is on all levels wrong.
i am sorry you are going through this.
You urgently need to seek legal advice and probably the police.
Surely if your parents sold it you you are on the deeds? It is your house.
Certainly if you are on the mortgage you have to pay but you are also entitled to live there. He shouldn’t be making it impossible for you and you should be involving the police if he is abusing you. Also you’ve left your son with an abusive man.
This all needs to stop urgently. Please see the police today and see if they can help you get back in today. Maybe turning up with the police will give him pause for thought.

TickingKey46 · 17/02/2024 08:21

This sounds horrendous. Did you say you were on the mortgage? If so look into getting and occupation order. It's decined for situations where one person is being abused.
How old is your son? I really think you need to see a solicitor. If your sons a minor (or even not ??) and you have been the one to caring for him all these years, your obviously the best one to continue doing this. Are you I'm the UK?

Soontobe60 · 17/02/2024 08:22

You made a very poor decision to leave your home and your child. If the house is in joint names, you could move back in. If he has been violent in any way, you could call the police. Who is currently taking care of your son?

newhousenewhouse · 17/02/2024 08:22

I was in a similar position and had to take my ex to court (numerous times as he wouldn't comply) but I did get him to sell the house and got my money back. See a solicitor first thing on Monday.
Phone social services the children with disabilities team. They will help you with your child and make sure he is provided for.
Phone the council homeless team.

iOoOOoOi · 17/02/2024 08:25

Who will look after your son when you ex has to go back to work

Lampslights · 17/02/2024 08:28

iOoOOoOi · 17/02/2024 08:25

Who will look after your son when you ex has to go back to work

What a crass question, the child is in pallative care.

Original poster
Ems8765 · 17/02/2024 08:29

Thanks all for your help. I have made such a stupid desicison to walk out but I couldn't stay there. I still have the key to the house. He is looking after our son still. We are both on the deeds and both pay the mortgage. I'm still paying all the bills too. I'm missing my son so much. He didn't care for 5 years and was absolutely vile to me and neglected our son. I spoke to my ex yesterday and he said I'm not allowed back in the house

OP posts:
Original poster
Ems8765 · 17/02/2024 08:29

He's been handing him to his parents to care for him

OP posts:
Original poster
Ems8765 · 17/02/2024 08:31

My ex is very naieve and says there's nothing wrong with our son. Yet the hospital says he's palliative we even have medical notes stating it! The issue is our son looks healthy from the outside but internally he was born with his organs in the wrong place and his heart is back to front resulting in 6 open heart surgeries. He is also under a hospice. My son goes to a special needs school and my ex is trying to pull him out and put him in mainstream.
2 different issues going on here I know.

OP posts:
Lovemybunnies · 17/02/2024 08:37

Look up firms of solicitors who do family work and ask for a free initial interview. Look at reviews if you can. Speak to the school and let them know what is happening. If your husband doesn’t acknowledge your son’s condition he will not be taking proper care of him. Speak to the GP? The £13 k will probably be take into account overall but will not be a binding agreement and would not be seen as a fair split.

Morecurlywurly · 17/02/2024 08:41

He paid you £13k but you’re paying all the bills while not living there.

That cancels out the 13k.

Morecurlywurly · 17/02/2024 08:47

He can’t stop you moving back but don’t put yourself at risk.

You must have text messages which show his abuse.
Keep them as evidence.

CatchAButterfly · 17/02/2024 09:49

Lampslights · 17/02/2024 08:28

What a crass question, the child is in pallative care.

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s a crass question. It’s a very valid one.

CatchAButterfly · 17/02/2024 09:51

OP, just move back in. If it’s joint, and your name is on the deeds, then it’s yours and you have as much as a right to be there as him. You haven’t signed anything anyway waiving away your rights to the house and any suggestion of an oral contract with the text message as evidence will be counteracted with duress and therefore the contract being invalid.

When you say abusive, what do you mean? What has he done?

newhousenewhouse · 17/02/2024 10:20

My childs hospice were amazing. I think they would help you. Speak to the safeguarding team.

HaverStockHere · 17/02/2024 10:30

You're allowed to move back in

Just say if anyone legal asks that you were on holiday something like that

It's really important legally that you move back in so that you're entitled to what you should get

Anothenamechange · 17/02/2024 10:31

Police, now. You are being abused by your partner and your child is suffering, they will take this seriously. Go to your MP if they don't. Get into Citizens Advice, go to Adocate (free legal help if you qualify)

There are options here, fight like hell. You poor woman, what scumbag man would do this??

HaverStockHere · 17/02/2024 10:32

Once you move back in you'll both be forced to sell the house and split the proceeds

If he wants you out then that's what you need to do sell the house

HaverStockHere · 17/02/2024 10:33

And if he's changed the locks then that goes in your favour

Because that's illegal as you own half the house

RedChester · 17/02/2024 10:36

You left your dying son??

Mumof2girls2121 · 17/02/2024 10:46

You wouldn’t if you own a house

Original poster
Ems8765 · 17/02/2024 10:48

I did leave and I feel so so bad I hate myself but he made me leave

OP posts:
Angelsrose · 17/02/2024 10:59

Ems8765 · 17/02/2024 08:29

Thanks all for your help. I have made such a stupid desicison to walk out but I couldn't stay there. I still have the key to the house. He is looking after our son still. We are both on the deeds and both pay the mortgage. I'm still paying all the bills too. I'm missing my son so much. He didn't care for 5 years and was absolutely vile to me and neglected our son. I spoke to my ex yesterday and he said I'm not allowed back in the house

You are allowed back in the house, it's your house. I'd contact a good solicitor.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 17/02/2024 11:08

In your shoes, I would move back in and be with your son, immediately.

I would call the police if he tried to stop me.

I'd use some of the 13k to get shit hot legal advice.

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