If you received an anonymous text would you be inclined to believe it?

[MandyDuck]

Or would you write it off as someone with malicious intent.

I don't want to give too many details but a close relative is having an affair. The person she's having an affair with has been with his partner for over 40 years.

I know of the partner but I don't actually know her. From all I've heard she seems to be a really lovely person and I think what my relative and her affair partner are doing is beyond reprehensible.

I know that I would want to be told if I was the person being cheated on. However, my relative is (unfortunately) my relative and, whereas she's under no illusions as to what I think, she also wouldn't expect me to reveal the affair.

I don't actually know how I would even get the woman's number to text her, but I feel awful watching this huge betrayal playing out. Should I try and tell her or should I mind my own business? Thank you for opinions.

I delete and block anonymous messages although in fairness they are usually asking if I want to meet hot chicks, share explicit photos, have a penis extension, or give some fraudster money.

Keep out of it. You don't know the partner in question or what goes on in private between her and partner. They've been together 40 years - might be an open marriage, sexless, who knows?
Obviously an affair is reprehensible but I'm a great believer in the truth will out.

How long have you known? I think you need to take some time to examine your own motives, OP. We are complicated creatures and while your conscious motivation might be because you feel indignant on her behalf there may be other stuff in there that is not so pure.
Sit on it for a bit and mull it over. Also think how it will impact on everyone. It MAY be the right thing to do, or it MAY be too much interference on your part.

If you are going to contact her, then you need to be specific.

A message of 'Your husband is cheating on you' is easily ignored.

A message of 'George is having an affair with Cynthia. She is saved as Jack in his phone. They last met on February 12th at the Railway Tavern, close to George's office' is much much harder to dismiss as a scam/not true.

For what it's worth, I would have liked to know.

Whether you think you should is entirely up to you, it's not nice but if you say nothing it's not like they're your best freind and can see them getting hurt. Their partner may think they know somethings up and is making plans anyway

But if you did maybe another Facebook profile and send them a message on there, if they are on FB of course

I've known since just after Christmas but I'm told it's been going on for nearly a year.

It's so difficult knowing what the right thing to do is. I veer constantly between "mind your own business/you don't know what goes on in anyone else's relationship" and "how can you sit back and let this happen/you'd want to know if it was you" etc.

Thank you for the replies.

I wish someone had told me when my husband was having an affair. When I did find out, the fact other people knew before me hurt like hell, even those that knew us both. Having been in the situation I would tell the partner.

An anonymous text is a shitty way of telling someone, unless you're going to provide a whole load of solid undeniable proof of the affair.

How would you text them anonymously?

Surely they would then have your number which would be easily traceable back to you?

I know it's a shitty way to receive news but I can't think of another way without revealing myself.

@IsThisOneAvailable i don't actually know - haven't thought through the details. At the moment, I don't even know this woman's number. She obviously doesn't know mine either but I guess she could find out who'd sent it if she wanted to.

Maybe I should just not interfere :(.

I once got a phone call to tell me - to tell my husband he left his pants at her house and hung up.

I didn’t have a husband so just assumed it was meant for someone else .. but be careful it goes to the right person

Which makes me question your motives, because this woman will always be wondering who sent it, and of course he will deny it.

if you do it, fair enough, but you own it. If you can’t do that, then stand down.

I can't own it Frasers because the woman having the affair is a very close relative. I wish she'd never told me to be honest.

If you did get her number there are apps to send anonymous texts, chances are they will ignore though cos they won't recognise the number.

Do you and them not use Facebook?

I would definitely be inclined to believe if I received a text.

Please tell her i wish someone had told me. Would you want to know if it was you? It is up to her what she does with the information

To me sending this can allow you to pretend you are doing it to help them but yes it is to help you

It may make yourself feel better but will it do any good?

This is what I worry about - will it seem like I'm mischief making. I honestly am not, and it won't make me feel better. This whole situation is making me so anxious.

It may be best to step back from the situation and distance yourself from this relative. It is causing you anxiety and not helping anyone.

i would be very upfront with the relative also - tell him that since finding out you’ve not been able to stop thinking about it and this is impacting your relationship with him. Let him know that he should come clean otherwise you can’t stand by him and just pretend like everything is fine. He can then make his own choices and you can have some peace and quiet away from the situation.

Anonymous texts/letters are such a cowardly thing to do. They drop a bombshell into the receiver's life and don't even allow them the chance to ask questions or follow up - they just create uncertainty. The receiver doesn't know who she can talk about it with, doesn't know how many people even know, doesn't know whether it's a malicious communication in the first place.

Own what you need to say or keep your beak out.

What do you expect to achieve? On the assumption the wife isn't aware you'll have dropped a bomb into her life. And then what?

And all because you've got some misguided sense of morality where your relative is concerned.

Have a think why you want to do this and stay out of it

Completely agree.

I think if you don’t each other well enough to have each others’ telephone numbers then it isn’t your business and you should stay out of it. It’s not like she’s your best friend or sister and could conceivably feel betrayed by you not telling her.

Tell her. You can do an anonymous social media message if you can add her from a fake account or something. But I would 100% want to know.

So many people would want to know but tell you to stay out of it. Why should we enable these cheaters? It's her life and she deserves to know if she wants to leave or stay with this dickhead.

"Own what you need to say or keep your beak out"

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Good simple advice from @OrangeMarmaladeOnToast