If you received an anonymous text would you be inclined to believe it?

[MandyDuck]

Or would you write it off as someone with malicious intent.

I don't want to give too many details but a close relative is having an affair. The person she's having an affair with has been with his partner for over 40 years.

I know of the partner but I don't actually know her. From all I've heard she seems to be a really lovely person and I think what my relative and her affair partner are doing is beyond reprehensible.

I know that I would want to be told if I was the person being cheated on. However, my relative is (unfortunately) my relative and, whereas she's under no illusions as to what I think, she also wouldn't expect me to reveal the affair.

I don't actually know how I would even get the woman's number to text her, but I feel awful watching this huge betrayal playing out. Should I try and tell her or should I mind my own business? Thank you for opinions.

Thanks, but I was just agreeing with another poster there so I can't take credit for the wording!

Stay well out.

Tricky one. However I can say that as a wife who was cheated on (more than once, long marriage), I really wish someone had told me.

I would want to know and I would believe the text if the text states verifiable evidence, time locations, key information and names. I would then do my own digging before confronting. You need to give her something solid that proves you are genuine.
To know and say nothing is just awful, like nobody is actually thinking about the poor deceived woman all just thinking about themselves (not my business, i want more sex and attention).

TELL HER.

She may not believe it, but it may plant a seed in her head to be more watchful of her husband…and she may then just find out for herself. But tell her, I’d want to know if it was me

I can't own it Frasers because the woman having the affair is a very close relative. I wish she'd never told me to be honest.

Why does that mean you can't own it? You can, you just don't want to face the consequences.

If you don't want your relative to think you fucked them over then just don't fuck them over.

It doesn't have to be traced to you, fake burner social media account, pay as you go sim card. Police wont trace an affair text. But you must be specific and clear you cant just say your husband is cheating you need to give names and places dates proper solid details.

Realistically, what are the chances of it being an open marriage? Virtually nil I would think.

That guy is a complete idiot. He must be retired or coming up to retirement and half his pension is about to disappear if his wife leaves him. I think if he gets discovered he will do whatever he can to stay with his wife and the other woman will just get dumped from a great height. If she works with him then she may well end up feeling she has to leave her job. I am assuming she's much younger. She really needs to get a grip.

I would want to know if my husband was having an affair, if I were to receive a letter or text making me aware I would be very grateful to the sender

It would possibly work out better if you gave her the information to discover it herself - on Monday George will not be at the bowls club, he will be at the Ritz - then if she knows or doesn't want to know she can ignore it and if she does want to know, she can catch them.

But how you'd get the information etc I don't know. And it would probably be obvious it was you so your sister (or whoever the relative is) would presumably be furious.

Is she expecting him to leave his wife? Or justifying it by saying they are just having fun and no fallout is expected?

I had the anonymous letter sent to me… no one was inclined to believe it in my family but I had some very good friends who helped me find out what was going on. I just wish they had been more specific & yes everything was denied (even to this day)… I did choose to divorce after 24 years of marriage….

Anonymous text is really cruel for the exact reason you state - the recipient has no way of knowing how true it is or who else knows. It is just another way for them to feel awful in the face of probable gas lighting from their partner if they confront them.

i know two people who have “found out“ about affairs this way. In both cases the husband convinced them that it was spam/malicious etc and continued the affair for some months before the wife eventually got actual proof.

If you can’t provide concrete proof and aren’t willing to tell them in person then please just leave it alone. It’s nasty and unnecessary to give them a crumb of info without allowing them the respect of actual facts and info that mean they can confront their spouse.

The point is that you wouldn’t/wouldn't want to believe them, so you wouldn’t just “be aware and be grateful” you’d be confused, disbelieving, then lied to, gaslit, lose trust in everyone around you, feel like you’re going crazy and then have to blow up your entire life while your H denies he’s done any of the things he’s accused of and that you’re crazy for believing the word of an anonymous stranger over him.

I think you would be unreasonable to reveal the affair. It's got nothing to do with you. if they have been together 40 what do you think will be gained from telling her except ruining her life?

I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her. I’d want to know in her situation.

Include specific details in your message. It would better to contact her via anonymous social media so she can contact you if she wants to.

How much information do you actually have? As in do you know who the partner is, at least?, maybe details of when and how they've been meeting? You have a timescale. If you can give some substantive information that is a stronger argument for telling her