Date

[Emma84882]

Would appreciate some advice please. Met a guy around a month ago and we got on really well. We hit it off and we have been on five dates since. I really like this guy but can’t help feeling he is messing me around. For example, last weekend, he was due to come down and meet me (we live around an hour apart). He didn’t check the trains until the day and then it turned out they were striking (he can’t drive medically, not his fault). I felt pretty annoyed that he didn’t check until the day, but nonetheless went up and spent time with him and had a lovely day.

This weekend, trains were running and he says he will come down to me for the day. I’d planned a really nice day, cleaned the house, baked a cake etc and was really looking forward to showing him where I lived. He turned up 1.5 hours later than we had originally agreed on (he’d been at the rugby the night before and wasn’t feeling his best). Because of the time, we went to lunch at a pub that I’d booked a table at, had a quick wander and a coffee before it was time for him to get his train again. I probably sound like I’m making a big thing of this, but was so looking forward to seeing him and it felt like an anti-climax.

He texted today and apologised for not being on form and said he hoped to feel better next week (we talked about me going up his way for a pub dinner next weekend). He said that he hoped I’d enjoyed the day anyway. At this point, I was hot-headed in my reply and said that to be honest, I hadn’t really, that I had really looked forward to showing him around and that I felt disappointed that we hadn’t been able to do that. I also then added that I didn’t feel that he had really wanted to be there yesterday and that I would leave it up to him as to whether or not we see each other again as I don’t want us to waste each other’s time.

I have not heard from him since. I now have massive remorse as I really like the guy, but do feel he’s messing me around. So sorry for the long post, any advice very welcome. Appreciate that I may be being unreasonable here! Thank you.

If he's reliant on public transport then he's never going to be reliable. Do you know the times of his trains? If he's coming to see you and not stopping over then you really need to be aware of the train times. More so if he needs to use public transport at his end. Busses stop around here about 7pm on the weekend. No point planning a big date if he has to get up and leave.

Even if he was Mr Perfect you might be better with Mr OK (or even Mr Fine hell do) if he has a car.

I personally don’t think he did anything ‘wrong’ with the train strikes. It’s not something I’d have thought to check in advance either. Mind you, I drive so wouldn’t be reliant on the trains.

Turning up late and hungover was definitely not ideal of him though so I can understand that being irritating. That said, if you didn’t express annoyance at the time then maybe he just didn’t realise how much effort you’d put in to this meeting beforehand and was thinking it was a lot more casual than you.

He did also apologise so at least acknowledged his behaviour hasn’t been great and wanted to do better from now on. I guess your response to that wasn’t too accepting. Ultimately though, if one text from you is enough for him to lose interest and not text back now then it probably wasn’t ever going to work in the long term anyway.

@heartbroken40 , that actually sounds like an excellent idea, thank you.

@Emma84882 he was reminiscing of a date when he said he was "dying to kiss me" while I was actually thinking about another guy (who had told me something intriguing about his past). I never told him I multidated. Also never ever talk about past relationships, "body counts" or the like, they don't need to know