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Original poster

Have I been ghosted

37 replies

Ash2345f · 12/02/2024 18:00

So I’ve been out on three dates with a guy yesterday I went out for a 40th birthday party and got drunk anyway texted him as you do to come over he’s not a drinker and doesn’t like being around people who are drunk when sober anyway he came over I didn’t push him into it- he came over for a few hours we had sex twice and crack I didn’t really want him to go home and said something about this but then we kissed before her left anyway I text him last night to say hope you get home safe and then this morning and I’ve had no reply but he has viewed my snapchats. Do you think I’ve been ghosted I’m gutted as we got on so well have I ruined it from last night? Also do I leave it now and take the hint or do I text him one last time later tonight or tomorrow just saying I’m really confused about what’s happened I hope I haven’t done anything but I would rather know if you don’t want to see me again?! Going insane here advice please

OP posts:
Original poster
Ash2345f · 12/02/2024 18:07

Not actual crack I meant chat haha !

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 12/02/2024 18:14

OP, please punctuate your post, it makes reading it so frustrating.
Re ghosting, its early days yet, plus if you've had sex twice he may well be back for more.

Valine · 12/02/2024 18:17

It's far too early to call that @Ash2345f .

I would leave it at least 48 hours before contacting him again now, and after that see how you feel. Might be worth sending another message then, but if still no reply then yes ghosted. That would say a lot (negative) about him though, so best to find out now I guess.

I wonder if you are compatible long-term if he doesn't like drinking or being around drinkers and you like to drink sometimes?

Original poster
Ash2345f · 12/02/2024 18:19

I don’t drink often every 10 weeks or so or when there is a big event so I didn’t think this would be a problem… I just thought the decent thing would be to text back at least today after we had sex last night it’s just odd I’ll back off and leave it, then text maybe tomorrow night if nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
Ash2345f · 12/02/2024 23:27

I messaged him tonight he said he didn’t think we were compatible I’m pretty sure he would have known that before coming over to mine and having sex with me never mind what an absolute prick

OP posts:
toomanyleggings · 12/02/2024 23:34

You invited him over when you didn’t really know him or how into you he was. Men will will often run if you chase them, but if you’re chasing them and offering sex on a plate they’ll have sex with you first, then run. If you‘re not comfortable being treated like this, don’t sleep with men so early on.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2024 23:38

Why is he an "absolute prick?"

Aerin1999 · 12/02/2024 23:39

A hammered bootie call to a sober man….not like super smooth??? Was the sex good ?

Greentangerines · 12/02/2024 23:43

You have met him 4 times. Had sex with him twice. I’ve been out of the dating game along time but even I would accept it could have gone either way (I believe the playing field has changed considerably from 20 years ago). Hopefully, the sex was good.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2024 23:46

You were the one who wanted a booty call, so I fail to see why he's the bad guy now. He's decided not to see you again. It happens.

taylorswift1989 · 12/02/2024 23:55

Men are not difficult to understand. If he doesn't text you back, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't hang around after sex, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't plan dates with you, he doesn't like you.

If you continue to make yourself available to him when he's made it clear by his actions that he doesn't like you, he may use you for sex, but he still won't like you.

Save yourself future heartbreak and confusion. A man who likes you makes sure you know it. You'll never have to ask MN.

Pigeonqueen · 13/02/2024 07:45

taylorswift1989 · 12/02/2024 23:55

Men are not difficult to understand. If he doesn't text you back, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't hang around after sex, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't plan dates with you, he doesn't like you.

If you continue to make yourself available to him when he's made it clear by his actions that he doesn't like you, he may use you for sex, but he still won't like you.

Save yourself future heartbreak and confusion. A man who likes you makes sure you know it. You'll never have to ask MN.

Agree with this.

Sarah28x · 13/02/2024 07:51

taylorswift1989 · 12/02/2024 23:55

Men are not difficult to understand. If he doesn't text you back, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't hang around after sex, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't plan dates with you, he doesn't like you.

If you continue to make yourself available to him when he's made it clear by his actions that he doesn't like you, he may use you for sex, but he still won't like you.

Save yourself future heartbreak and confusion. A man who likes you makes sure you know it. You'll never have to ask MN.

Absolutely this! I also fail to see how he was a prick, he’s not strung you along

ChanelNo19EDT · 13/02/2024 07:53

Well you treated him like a drunken boots call. You summonsed him when u had been out earlier in the evening, drinking with other people.

I'd be amazed if he didn't ghost you, but don't view it as ghosting
If he doesn't drink then you're incompatible. Try to put him out of your thoughts. Hard I know, but don't dwell on it.

icelollycraving · 13/02/2024 07:54

Wanting sex with someone you fancy is fine. Chasing is fine but if they continue running, they don’t want to get caught.
Men will often have sex with anyone offering.
You put yourself in a vulnerable position by inviting him to your home when drunk and he was sober. I think less of someone who will have sex with a drunk person when they are sober, what about consent, this could have got messy.
This didn’t work out. As a pp said, if a man is interested, you’ll know.

Valine · 13/02/2024 07:59

Ash2345f · 12/02/2024 23:27

I messaged him tonight he said he didn’t think we were compatible I’m pretty sure he would have known that before coming over to mine and having sex with me never mind what an absolute prick

Thanks for updating @Ash2345f

I definitely don't think it is a given that he would've known before that - feelings, both ways, evolve over time and experiences - we all need time to reflect. At least he actually replied this time and you can put a line under it.

taylorswift1989 · 13/02/2024 08:06

I mean, he shouldn't have had sex with you knowing that he was never going to see you again, unless he made that clear first. That is dickish behaviour.

What I'm saying is that it's highly predictable dickish behaviour. A lot of men will have sex with you if you offer it, but it doesn't mean they like you. They don't even have to be especially attracted to you.

But don't ever double or triple text a man. If he doesn't respond to your first text, it's because he doesn't like you. No response is his response.

altmember · 13/02/2024 13:08

He doesn't like drunk people (who does?), so you invited him over when you were shit faced? Maybe that's the sole reason why he describes you as incompatible? I don't know who used who here, but it seems about 50/50.

SamW98 · 13/02/2024 13:14

Tbh OP I don’t see he is a prick. You invited him over for a drunk booty call. You both had consensual sex - maybe he only saw it as a casual thing and you wanted more. It’s 3 dates in - he hasn’t deceived you.

Id just chalk this one down to experience and learn from it.

OrlandointheWilderness · 13/02/2024 13:15

Maybe you did something that he didn't like when he saw you. He could've been put off by your behaviour or maybe he didn't like something about the sex! You don't know he wasn't interested but had sex anyway.

PossumintheHouse · 13/02/2024 13:18

I mean, he isn’t a drinker and you were drunk in front of him. He didn’t like what he saw, unfortunately. That’s where the lack of compatibility for him will lie.
It’s horrible when you’re rejected, especially when you’re still experiencing those exciting early days, but it sounds like he would have ended it sooner rather than later regardless.

MinervatheGreat · 13/02/2024 13:23

taylorswift1989 · 12/02/2024 23:55

Men are not difficult to understand. If he doesn't text you back, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't hang around after sex, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't plan dates with you, he doesn't like you.

If you continue to make yourself available to him when he's made it clear by his actions that he doesn't like you, he may use you for sex, but he still won't like you.

Save yourself future heartbreak and confusion. A man who likes you makes sure you know it. You'll never have to ask MN.

This.
However infrequent, stop drinking too much.

He’s not interested. According to him, you’re “not compatible.”

Which bit don’t you understand?
Move on.

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 13/02/2024 13:38

Bloody hell some harsh replies here.

If he didn’t want to be around a drunk person he shouldn’t have gone over when OP asked. She had been at a celebration and had likely had a few.

Also if he dislikes drunk people so much he shouldn’t have sex with one (twice!)

Globules · 13/02/2024 13:44

Ash2345f · 12/02/2024 18:07

Not actual crack I meant chat haha !

I love this typo!

AWOL66 · 13/02/2024 15:01

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 13/02/2024 13:38

Bloody hell some harsh replies here.

If he didn’t want to be around a drunk person he shouldn’t have gone over when OP asked. She had been at a celebration and had likely had a few.

Also if he dislikes drunk people so much he shouldn’t have sex with one (twice!)

I think this. So many women have been in a similar situation and it feels horrible. People are acting like he was just a booty call to you but women's hormones stereotypically usually don't let them think like that-they ultimately want a relationship and men know this.

Also the way people are describing men is like it's just men being men with their silly uncontrollable hormones and you as a woman are to blame for feeling like this. Like wtf.

If I'm sober and not sure about how much I like someone I don't go all the way over to their house, their personal space and have sex with them twice then leave them hanging.
Had he been drunk too and you'd met on a messy night out I'd have been more understanding of him.
Don't though take it personally like you are inferior in any way. You're not just because you weren't a match. There's millions of men out there who wouldn't treat you like that and would be dying to take you out. Sending hugs.

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