Page 2 | Have I been ghosted

Ash2345f · 2024-02-12T18:00:08+00:00

So I’ve been out on three dates with a guy yesterday I went out for a 40th birthday party and got drunk anyway texted him as you do to come over he’s not a drinker and doesn’t like being around people who are drunk when sober anyway he came over I didn’t push him into it- he came over for a few hours we had sex twice and crack I didn’t really want him to go home and said something about this but then we kissed before her left anyway I text him last night to say hope you get home safe and then this morning and I’ve had no reply but he has viewed my snapchats. Do you think I’ve been ghosted I’m gutted as we got on so well have I ruined it from last night? Also do I leave it now and take the hint or do I text him one last time later tonight or tomorrow just saying I’m really confused about what’s happened I hope I haven’t done anything but I would rather know if you don’t want to see me again?! Going insane here advice please

PersephonePomegranate23 · 13/02/2024 18:00

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 13/02/2024 13:38

Bloody hell some harsh replies here.

If he didn’t want to be around a drunk person he shouldn’t have gone over when OP asked. She had been at a celebration and had likely had a few.

Also if he dislikes drunk people so much he shouldn’t have sex with one (twice!)

Exactly!

TheOP2 · 13/02/2024 18:04

He's just not that into you :( sorry lovely it sucks x

iwannacoolrider · 13/02/2024 18:09

I'm with you, he would have known he wasn't into you before having sex with you
he sounds like a wanker, lots of men are... don't waste anymore head space on this one, plenty of more fish in the sea and all that.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2024 18:13

iwannacoolrider · 13/02/2024 18:09

I'm with you, he would have known he wasn't into you before having sex with you
he sounds like a wanker, lots of men are... don't waste anymore head space on this one, plenty of more fish in the sea and all that.

I'm with you, he would have known he wasn't into you before having sex with you

Who do you "know" this, exactly? You don't. Perhaps he didn't really enjoy the sex and decided to no longer date the op, who fucking knows. What I do know is that this man hasn't done anything wrong. If the op were the one to have sex with someone and then decide to not see them again, you'd be giving her a pat on the back for being decisive and not wasting her time.

taylorswift1989 · 13/02/2024 18:17

No one has done anything "wrong". Why does someone always have to be the villain? They both wanted sex, they had it. Maybe she shouldn't have invited him over when drunk, maybe he shouldn't have gone over. Maybe both of them were a bit dickish in a way. They both did what they wanted and this is what happened.

All OP can do is learn from it how to conduct herself in future in order to get what she wants. No one has to be a villain here.

HazelWicker · 13/02/2024 18:22

Sometimes sex makes you realise you're not compatible. It's such early days three dates in. I have been dating someone for about four weeks and we haven't had sex yet. We've gotten pretty close so I suspect we are compatible but I need to have actual sex with him to cement the direction I think I'm going in. I can definitely see how meeting up when you were drunk and having sex that might not have done it for him, could have made his mind up. I'd hope he wouldn't have had sex if he didn't like you at all. But even if he did I can see how he might reflect and decide on the incompatible thing.

I'm not anti having sex early if you're both into it btw. Rejection hits me too hard and casual sex doesn't do it for me which is why I hold back a bit. Personal choice and not for everyone.

DaBlackCatsAreDaBestCats · 13/02/2024 18:24

taylorswift1989 · 12/02/2024 23:55

Men are not difficult to understand. If he doesn't text you back, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't hang around after sex, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't plan dates with you, he doesn't like you.

If you continue to make yourself available to him when he's made it clear by his actions that he doesn't like you, he may use you for sex, but he still won't like you.

Save yourself future heartbreak and confusion. A man who likes you makes sure you know it. You'll never have to ask MN.

Spot on x

iwannacoolrider · 13/02/2024 19:13

What I do know is that this man hasn't done anything wrong. If the op were the one to have sex with someone and then decide to not see them again, you'd be giving her a pat on the back for being decisive and not wasting her time.

@Aquamarine1029

How do you know this exactly,.. you don't!!

You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine.. in my opinion he didn't suddenly realise in the land of after sex sleep that she wasn't his type, he just thought he'd get his end away before he let her in on this information.
Doesn't make him evil but it does make him a selfish knob. Of course women act this way too, I've just never heard of a man complain about being used for sex though!

Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2024 19:58

iwannacoolrider · 13/02/2024 19:13

What I do know is that this man hasn't done anything wrong. If the op were the one to have sex with someone and then decide to not see them again, you'd be giving her a pat on the back for being decisive and not wasting her time.

@Aquamarine1029

How do you know this exactly,.. you don't!!

You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine.. in my opinion he didn't suddenly realise in the land of after sex sleep that she wasn't his type, he just thought he'd get his end away before he let her in on this information.
Doesn't make him evil but it does make him a selfish knob. Of course women act this way too, I've just never heard of a man complain about being used for sex though!

He didn't "use" her, he merely agreed to have sex. She called him. Honestly, how difficult is that to comprehend?

Original poster

Ash2345f · 13/02/2024 20:31

Respectfully to all who has messaged on this post, there is context behind the night I refer to and I really don’t agree with the majority of the responses. He agreed to come over he knew I had been out all day that was his choice. If he didn’t like me being drunk when he arrived shouldn’t he have just left?! I contacted him after a few drinks as I liked him who hasn’t done that before reflecting that was not the right move on my behalf. He knew what I was looking for via the dates we had been on, which were all extremely good dates, he said he was looking for the same. He lead me up the garden path with what he was saying to me. During his time with me that night we actually made plans to go out the following weekend, how is that fair and the right way to conduct yourself if he did not think we were compatible. We were both in the wrong know one was in the right. Im over it anyway he didn’t have the decency to text me the following day in my eyes that’s extremely rude and disrespectful yes it sends a message but shouldn’t people be held accountable for how they treat others. Even if he didn’t want to see me again he could have told me instead of ignoring me it’s shitty behaviour!

OP posts:

AWOL66 · 13/02/2024 22:22

Ash2345f · 13/02/2024 20:31

Respectfully to all who has messaged on this post, there is context behind the night I refer to and I really don’t agree with the majority of the responses. He agreed to come over he knew I had been out all day that was his choice. If he didn’t like me being drunk when he arrived shouldn’t he have just left?! I contacted him after a few drinks as I liked him who hasn’t done that before reflecting that was not the right move on my behalf. He knew what I was looking for via the dates we had been on, which were all extremely good dates, he said he was looking for the same. He lead me up the garden path with what he was saying to me. During his time with me that night we actually made plans to go out the following weekend, how is that fair and the right way to conduct yourself if he did not think we were compatible. We were both in the wrong know one was in the right. Im over it anyway he didn’t have the decency to text me the following day in my eyes that’s extremely rude and disrespectful yes it sends a message but shouldn’t people be held accountable for how they treat others. Even if he didn’t want to see me again he could have told me instead of ignoring me it’s shitty behaviour!

Agreed and well put but I disagree with you saying you were in some way at fault. You weren't. Hope you feel better soon x

Getitgirl · 13/02/2024 22:39

No idea why you’re getting a pasting here, Op.

You didn’t mess anything up by having consensual sex with a man you’d been dating. He did the exact same thing! But I do agree with @taylorswift1989 in that you shouldn’t be posting on MN or double texting any bloke to gauge his interest. If he wants to see you it will be so clear. Always have something better to do than wait for a text back.

Actually I reckon it would have been courteous of him to message you after spending the night with you, even if it was to say ‘thanks but no thanks’. I also question the wisdom of someone sober having sex with a drunk person. And i say that as a current non-drinker. But hey, it happened and you had fun! So let’s move on.

It doesn’t matter why he’s gone cold, just don’t hang your self esteem on it. It could be for any reason! Take disinterest as a turn off and keep it moving. But no double texting the next!