Long term single people

[candyperfumegirl2]

Has anyone else been long term single and just accepted that whilst they are open to a long term relationship dating just isn't for them?

I find the whole dating process time consuming and just not that enjoyable. Being messed around, the ghosting, being someone's option until something 'better' comes along. All the apps are the same just doctored differently depending on the platform.

Most of the men on these apps aren't even single for a start. Lie about their age, single status etc.

The most disconcerting aspect of OLD for me is how detached it felt from my life. Felt like ordering someone up who had no connection to your friends, to the places you hung out, to your career.

That’s exactly how I felt. My social life and circle has always been around music events and it’s pretty much an everyone knows everyone environment. Trying to explain my life someone who’s not involved felt really bizarre and detached.

Thats been my dilemma tbh. I don’t want to date on our scene but meeting people away from that it feels like a complete disconnect.

@Spain1986 this accords with my experience. Lots of chats with men who are interesting and intelligent but it's either just chat or when we meet and I think we have a nice date I get a thanks but no thanks. Honestly, I don't get it. It's humiliating to show you're interested and then get slapped back down..

Been single for 8 years now after divorce from lying scumbag husband.
Tried OLD and had men who want me to dress up in my nurses uniform, men who are twenty years younger and want me as a fetish/ mum they can shag, men who are still married, and one charmer who wanted me to pee on him.
Never again. I am too old for that nonsense.

Your last paragraph really rings true for me too, when I became single after a very long marriage, all of a sudden I started receiving messages from married men that I had known for years, who had never messaged or been remotely interested in my well-being before....it was actually laughable!

Any advice on loneliness!
im a single Mum of a 12 and 15 year old. Recently had weeks off work with anxiety and depression (a new thing for me!).
I wondered if there was anybody in the same boat as me? How do you fill your evenings and weekends? I’m literally a taxi and cash machine/cook for the children. I need to motivate myself now I’m returning to work to get a hobby, do something for myself - but what. I’m lacking motivation and seem to have completely lost ‘me’! x

I've experienced a bit of loneliness recently but it's fleeting. I deal with it. It comes and goes and I can dialogue myself up out of it ''sure, i'm off out to pilates later anyway''. When I was with my awful x (father of my children) I was perpetually constantly eroded and anxious. Years later after lots of OLD jackasses I met a good guy but he drank too much and even though we were happy and we connected, I recognise that I spent more time mulling over his drinking then than the amount of time I would now have thoughts in my head about loneliness. I'm kind to myself now. If I have thoughts about loneliness I tell myself that I'm doing ok, that I'm probably braver than the average woman my age, that i proved that to myself leaving bad situations............ Every situation has downsides and I know these longevity studies talk about the importance of relationships and connections but still, i cannot live to 100 with a dickhead from OLD beside me. I have a chance of it on my own!

@Rachides when my teens were always here and always asking for dinner, more dinner, money, squabbling, I craved space more than i felt loneliness, now, one has moved out and the other is very busy. hardly see them. i have got in to yoga and pilates lately and that does help, it's not like an instant circle of friends or anything but i plan to keep goig with this for years. I also want to do a dress making course. I was about to start one in jan 2020 and then we all got our money back, but i had been a couple of times and the women seemed like a bunch where you might potentially make friends, they were all forty+ and some older, all lookin gfor that outlet for creativity.

I very rarely get lonely. I’ve made a really active social life and have a lot of single friends and so the time I’m on my own, I’m enjoying the peace and quiet.

I do think having a friendship circle is the key when you’re single. I’ve still got my old friends who are mostly coupled up and I really did make an effort to turn acquaintances into friends once I became single.

42yr old man here, been single now for about 9 months following breakup of my relationship with my DCs mother. Struggling with this OLD business really, in my experience it's full of time wasters, people dropping likes and then absolutely no response from people when you reach out to a mutual like with a hi. Had 1 date in that 9 month period and it was a disaster to the point I just got up and left halfway through because it was just so awkward.

I'm not a fan of it all, basically like a meat market for people, it completely lacks the human aspect to it, whilst I get there are blokes out there who are a nightmare (sending awful pictures, being up their own arse), it doesn't seem to be the place for just a normal person to go looking for some company

Single 2 years. With a young DS and very few friends so can't see that changing any time soon. Tried OLD - waste of time and money, subscribe fees are ridiculous. I'm no oil painting, no amount of makeup would change that and I had little hobbies to list. I'm an introverted home body. Yet within a week I had over 800 likes. Men who looked like they'd bathed in grease, some 20 years older and many who are miles out of my league. Clearly they clicked like on every profile, hoping for a catch so they could choose the best option. Not for me, thanks.

At times I get lonely, then I remember, on a night I can curl up on the sofa and watch a film or series of MY choosing, eat what I want, have a bottle of wine, whatever. After 17 years with a controlling narcissist that feels like bliss for me.

At times I get lonely, then I remember, on a night I can curl up on the sofa and watch a film or series of MY choosing, eat what I want, have a bottle of wine, whatever. After 17 years with a controlling narcissist that feels like bliss for me

Long term single here (without the controlling narcissist) and that feeling never gets old. Ditto the knowledge that I can go to bed early, spread myself across the bed and read for hours without someone insisting that they go to bed at the same time as me.

Absolutely and that’s the biggest reason why, even if I did meet someone, I would never cohabitate again. I love my own space too much.

And I’ll be honest, the thought of sharing a bed regularly fills me with horror 🤣 I love sleeping diagonally across my king size bed wearing fluffy pjs

I was single throughout my younger years, after a bad breakup at 21. Married at 40 after a short engagement. I never had boyfriends, but not shortage of fun! I’ve never done OLD or felt the need to “find someone”. You’re fine as you are. And if you do “settle down” I’d say be aware that being married / LTR with someone isn’t always easy either…

I stopped OLD after the 2.5 year relationship I had with a man I met on OLD finished. It took that long for his true colours to show and I was done. It had taken me 3 years of OLD to find him and I just didn't want to do it again. Been single now for 8 years. I am 57 though.

And I’ll be honest, the thought of sharing a bed regularly fills me with horror 🤣 I love sleeping diagonally across my king size bed wearing fluffy pjs

When ex and I split DM offered to buy me a single bed. Leaving aside the fact that a single would have been no use if life got exciting again (if you get my drift) I love sleeping sprawled across my bed and rolling over to find the cool bit in summer without falling out.

10.5 years single, with a 10 year old. I'm 42. DC's father has never been in the picture, so lone parent.

I've had one attempt at seeing one guy in that time, about 7 years ago. Not a complete stranger but a friend. Was really crap in bed, just took what he wanted and didn't even seem to think he needed to try to satisfy me. I didn't bother with him again.

I actually think I have a high sex drive. But the thought of OLD fills me with horror. I've never tried it though, or been on a date of any kind. The men I saw in my 20s I met through friends and flatshares but they were terrible choices. I'm a different person now, wouldn't go for anything like the same men. Just so out of the game. The stories on here don't exactly make dating sound like an attractive proposition.

Single 14 years and done nothing proactive to meet anyone and the thought of OLD is very unappealing and the stumbling block of creating a profile leaves me stone cold.
Yes an arrangement of some kind with a man would be nice but my criteria is high, probably higher than I would give in return! Being single is a well kept secret though, far nicer than people think and light years nicer than being in a poor quality relationship.

"What does the next 20/30 years look like for these men? Lots of 80-year olds still sending dick pics? Sending messages about wanking? Chasing women 20 years younger than men because they don't "feel their age"?

Lonely probably with nobody to pander to them in their dotage. While the women of their own age that they rejected are having a fine time with good friends, busy lives and no bullshit.

On line dating is not for someone like me. Am I missing opportunities? I might, I might not. I don't like the hassle of it, so it will be what it will be.

Well the oldest man who messaged me was 79 so the thought of him sending a dick pic would put me off ever going near a man again 🤢 and tbh men in their 50’s and 60’s are out there now telling us they're wanking over our photos and what positions they want to shag us in after about 3 messages so I can’t see their communication skills improving significantly in next couple of decades.

Early 40s and long term single since mid-30s. Most of my friends who were long term single or recently divorced in their 40s have now partnered up - in their 40s, so clearly it is possible to meet someone. I don’t think any of them dated specifically ie by putting themselves on OLD or in IRL since they met their OH in real life through work or a shared hobby or a retreat. I have dabbled in trying to date and had a few short lived relationships that took ages to find to begin with but just cannot face the emotional turmoil that dating in your 40s is.

I'm with @vodkaredbullgirl

I decided many years ago that relationships aren't for me, and now I'm mid 50s I'm even more convinced of that. I'm too stuck in my ways, I like my routines, never get lonely, and don't have much of a sex drive any more. But every now and then I feel a little sad that I might never have sex again, or experience that excitement of lust or infatuation. My last relationship was a FWB I found on Plenty of Fish, but that fizzled out 6 years ago. Fun for a while though 😀

I find OLD awful for the same reasons as others have mentioned, yet it's probably the best chance I have of meeting someone (and I probably only want a FWB too). I work in a female dominated environment, and even if I didn't I learned the hard way not to date someone I work with. Even though I plan to join mixed sex or male dominated hobby groups I also think it's dangerous to date within them as in the past I had to give up a hobby due to the awkwardness of the ex being in it.