Long term single people

[candyperfumegirl2]

Has anyone else been long term single and just accepted that whilst they are open to a long term relationship dating just isn't for them?

I find the whole dating process time consuming and just not that enjoyable. Being messed around, the ghosting, being someone's option until something 'better' comes along. All the apps are the same just doctored differently depending on the platform.

Most of the men on these apps aren't even single for a start. Lie about their age, single status etc.

OLD is not the only way to meet someone though! Getting to know work colleagues, friends of friends etc is better for some!

Don't know how people cope with OLD.

@theduchessofspork It isn't the 'only' way to find a relationship. Some people have met their partner through friends or through an activity group.

If it isn't fun then no point doing it really. Depends if you are into self torture i guess!

Single for 7 years (now 41) with some odd stages of dating in the early days single.

Im a full extrovert, but cannot be bothered with the liars, sleaze, arrogance, ghosting bullshit if dating. So I'm very happily single with some very loose FWB people kicking around (and very loose as in haven't seen them in over 6 months, but could pick up if wanted and suited them).

I have a DD but share care with her dad so have plenty of time, but no inclination to shave my legs and instead prefer time with my cats and good books.

@Jk987 Agree offline environments can and are a better option.

10+ years.

Whilst I suppose if someone came along I would be OK with it, I neither want to date nor actively want to be in a relationship.

I assume I will be single for the rest of my days and except for a small nagging feeling about how things might get a bit lonely right at the end, I am good with it.

The choice for alot of women is a shit man or no man. I'm in my 50s now but in my 40s I tried to meet somebody. God what a line-up of entitled weirdos who all turned out to have an eye out elsewhere. I realised I'd talked them up in my head and talked myself into giving it a go.

Never again. Nobody wants you when you 53 so I'm not going to make myself feel inadequate looking for love. It's not there.

This is where I am.

And I would never ever do OLD. I’m not actively looking. Single is fine.

Yes I've been on my own since my husband passed suddenly when I was 47, our kids were 4 and 6.
I was ready to date again after a couple years, but I just never met anyone - must men either worked for me or were husbands of my friends! It's been 14 years now, I'm 61, and if it ever happens great, but I've had the love of my life. I'm quite content on my own. After my youngest goes off to uni in the fall things might change!

The choice for alot of women is a shit man or no man.

Ain’t that the truth. I had a foray into OLD last year for a few months and honestly it was hideous. The vast majority of were either borderline monosyllabic or complete sleazes. And my friend all had similar experiences. Just awful.

Tye men I’ve met out and about are no better. I’m very social but the men who approach me and seem nice enough invariably end up either needy or sleazy.

Im lucky in that I’ve got a great social group so I get to have plenty of nights out, weekends away and holidays - I’d rather enjoy my life with mates than end up with a crap bloke

Yeh, my near decade of hell was OLD
Obviously not every minute of it was hell but they all turned out to lack character (honesty, fidelity, humility) one was a pervert. Seriously. He said to me once he was a voyeur and then tried to convince me that there was a spectrum and that everyone was somewhere on the spectrum between voyeurism and exhibitionism. Good grief. Actually I did meet aman at work at one point and he was a good person. He was honest, generous, funny, he listened, he shared, everybody liked him. BUT HE DRANK TOO MUCH and I don't drink anymore. I decided to leave it there when we finished so that at least my last relationship was with a decent honest person.

I've been single 7 years.

I won't do OLD, it's too like a cattle market for me. I'm open to a relationship, I'd quite like one, but accept that it's unlikely. There are so few decent non-sleazy men.

I like my life and am happy. A new relationship would be nice, but not essential.

I've been single for a long time. I'm 48 next month. Had an awful relationship that finished in 2004. I had two miscarriages in that relationship which god forgive me, was a blessing in hindsight. I've tried online dating and it was completely horrendous. Questions ranging from "can you gut a fish?" to "are you into anal?" No I'm afraid I'm happy bring single with my cats and caring for my mum. It would be nice to meet someone I guess but my tolerance for hassle and lies is non existent. So I'll probably be on my own now forever and I've made peace with that.

I am with you OP, content as I am, if I meet someone great, but I am not doing OLD or speed dating or other dating/matchmaking things.

I've made my choice between a shit (and old) man and no man. The latter wins.
I don't expect to meet anyone now. Aged 47.
Happy with my kids and cats for now.

I' m single, happily getting on with life and have never had such peace of mind. That itself is priceless.
Maybe l will meet someone, maybe l wont, who knows, who cares, I'll be fine either way.

I’ve been single most of my life. I wish I had found my person in my 20s but sadly I didn’t. Now nearly 40. I haven’t given up yet but I’ve been using OLD off and on for about 1.5 years now as I WFH and don’t go out much. Met one guy off there in that entire time who was lovely but it didn’t work out. Like all women I get asked out regularly but I’m extremely fussy about going on dates.

I view a lot of things as red flags; Men who only ever want to meet last minute but don’t ask you in advance, or want you to plan the whole date,using their nicknames on the profile , mentioning sex too early, or calling me “babe or sexy etc” in their opening line. Men who haven’t indicated if they have children or not, who speak negatively to me about their ex wife and men who barely use full sentences or at the other extreme ones who speak in super flowery AI type language. And of course there are the ones who seem super interested about what job I do and clearly trying to work out my financial status while revealing little about theirs or those looking for a visa. It’s all such a minefield! I’m constantly pausing and unpausing my account on Hinge

It’s tough, I don’t want to interrogate men and be super suspicious but it’s what I need to do (as nicely as I can ) as unfortunately the reality is a significant number of them are not single or coming with good intentions. I’ve had a few who claim to have zero family in this country AND zero friends. Men like that can easily be setting things to be living a double life, so I always unmatch.

A friend of mine ended up dating someone from OLD who was a married man with two kids recently. She claimed he was separated but even if that’s true he didn't mention it to her until quite a few dates in . Stuff like that would have me running for the hills, but a lot of people are far less fussy but I’d rather stay selective. Definitely rather be single than with a lying, cheating or lazy man.

Dating is one of the worst adult experiences. It’s so boring. It’s hard to meet someone that you click with.

OLD is the pits. Men see it as a sweet shop. They are always looking for something better. I don’t have that kind of mentality. I met two men online (at different times)who I thought, he’s ok, I think that I can get to like them. As I enjoyed their company, and we had similar interests. I looked forward to seeing them again. Then they did all the pointless WhatsApp chat, didn’t ask me out again and ghosted. That’s why I don’t bother with OLD and the texting now. They’re an absolute waste of time.

I've been separated for over 11 years now and never thought I'd still be single at almost 54. But here I am. I've dated plenty and had a 2-year sort of relationship in that time but nothing else significant. OLD is the absolute pits. It didn't used to be like it is now although maybe it's as you get older, the pond gets smaller and the fish get much less quality. The shitty ones have all been thrown back! This last year has been terrible - I cannot fathom how so many sleazy, unreliable, dishonest, no moral compass men are actually walking amongst us!! I know from being on Mumsnet that it's not just me experiencing it, and we can't all be dating the same men so that means there are 100's and 100's of these men out there. What does the next 20/30 years look like for these men? Lots of 80-year olds still sending dick pics? Sending messages about wanking? Chasing women 20 years younger than men because they don't "feel their age"?! Also, what does "I don't take life seriously" actually mean?! The number of 55+ year old men who have that line on their bios is incredible. I really don't understand what it means and I'm an intelligent, professional woman.

So yes, for me a relationship looks out of the question. Casual sex isn't for me either so a single life is better than a compromised life with an idiot!!

I could have written this

Single for about 15 years [I'm 65]. Really can't be bothered with the whole dating thing. I like being on my own. I really can't imagine ever having someone in my life again.

Single for decades after a 10 year marriage, and love it. Yes, there are downsides, but they are far outweighed for me by the benefits. I think I've always been temperamentally single and it was marriage that was the hiatus. Not even slightly tempted to do OLD (in my late 60s and God alone knows what I'd get at that age) after all the MN stories.

Dating was tedious and time-consuming before OLD as well (and you met just as many horrors - I think with OLD you actually waste less time sussing them out). I was long-term single for the whole of my 20s and for most of that time I didn't really do dating. Never understood why anyone would devote so much time to it as if it was their main hobby. When OLD first started to take off I used it more for casual hook-ups as I wasn't particularly interested in a relationship.

Being long-term single is great. I thoroughly enjoyed it and had no issue with that being my future. Meeting DP was also great, and unexpected, but if anything happened to him I doubt I'd bother dating on any sort of frequent basis.

And I've always thought the best way to find a partner is simply to make as many friends as possible, men and women, widen your social circle, go to all the parties. Meet friends of friends of friends. If there's no romantic spark you can still make friends with a man. And they will have friends in turn.

The most disconcerting aspect of OLD for me is how detached it felt from my life. Felt like ordering someone up who had no connection to your friends, to the places you hung out, to your career.

Single for 3 years and I’ve no intention of meeting anyone anytime soon. My children are 18 and 5 I just don’t have the time or the inclination.

I have so much fun with my boys and I’ve got plenty of friends around me.

One thing I’ve noticed is the amount of blokes all married/in a relationship that assume because you’re single you must be desperate. The ‘Hey’ ‘How are you’ messages almost every weekend! It’s totally made me lose faith in men.