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Original poster

Girlfriend broke up, but still hopes to be together in future

42 replies

Jb854 · 10/02/2024 12:15

My girlfriend and have been living long distance relationship for a year now and she decided to break up with me and told me it was better for us to be apart and see what we really want in life after 9 years together. It feels like she wanted to see how it is to be with other people because we are each other first ones. We have lived together also for about 6 years and the rest was in long distance. Now we both decided to talk after 6 months and go in NC for now. I agreed to this because I didn't wanted to lose her during our last call. I miss her everyday and don't have the feeling to be with someone else or date anyone these months in between
She even wrote to my family she hopes to be with me in 6 months and start over again and that we both have grown as adults. And she says this to every family member who wrote to her and was thanking her for the nice moments together. For me it feels like she keeps me as a back up because I never wanted to be with some one else it feels like I can't move on.It's her last year studying and she told me she isn't sure anymore what she wants in life yet. She is also heartbroken and misses me my dad told me we love eachother so much. Any advice how to deal with this?

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 10/02/2024 12:25

Yeah, you're just a backup option and she's just dangling you on a string.

Sorry.

How to deal with it? Cut your losses, cut all contact and move on with your own life. Assume she WON'T be in it.

TheShellBeach · 10/02/2024 12:27

All I can say is that she's doing her best to break up with you, and she isn't doing it very well.

The relationship is over. I'm so sorry that you're feeling so hurt and sad.

TheShellBeach · 10/02/2024 12:29

And I've no idea why she wrote to members of your family. That's just weird.

Spencer0220 · 10/02/2024 12:31

I would ignore her if she reaches out after 6 months.

She's not trustworthy.

You hurt now, but one day you won't.

Whydosomanywomensleepwithsuchlosers · 10/02/2024 12:34

How old are you? A couple of things you've said make me think you might be really young, like 20- did you get together as young teenagers? If so, I actually don't think it's unreasonable to want some space, although of course she might decide after that time she's not interested anymore

ColdButSunny · 10/02/2024 12:34

It does sounds like she's keeping you as a backup option. But it's up to you OP whether you wait for her or move on.

TheShellBeach · 10/02/2024 12:36

I would not expect her to get in touch in six months.

That's just her clumsy way of hoping you'll be feeling less devastated by then.

There's no way you're going to be back together in six months.

I'm sorry. You're both very young. If you're in your final year of studying you must be 21. You say you were together for nine years. So you started seeing each other when you were 13. So children, really.

It's over now. She wants the freedom to seek new relationships and she doesn't want to hurt you.

PossumintheHouse · 10/02/2024 12:38

The worst type of breadcrumbs ever.

She’s keeping her options open and trying on other people.

And writing to your family was bloody weird. Yikes.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2024 12:45

She doesn't have the balls to end it completely, so she's stringing you along with this "we'll be together in the future" bullshit. You won't.

Stop being a passenger in your own life, and stop allowing this flake to dictate how you're living. You need to take control and block her so you can move on with your life.

It's over, op, so allow it to be over.

Original poster
Jb854 · 10/02/2024 12:48

Sorry to say both we are both 28 years old so we're late 20's

OP posts:
Original poster
Jb854 · 10/02/2024 12:49

We have block eachother on everything. I know I need to move on, but our love was so strong so I just keep on hoping things even though it's not healthy and the right choice is to let her go

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 10/02/2024 12:50

Jb854 · 10/02/2024 12:48

Sorry to say both we are both 28 years old so we're late 20's

Okay, so you were 18/19 when you got together. That's still quite young.

Are you both female?

TheShellBeach · 10/02/2024 12:53

Jb854 · 10/02/2024 12:49

We have block eachother on everything. I know I need to move on, but our love was so strong so I just keep on hoping things even though it's not healthy and the right choice is to let her go

She's probably seeing someone else now. She's trying to let you down gently, I think.

I'm sorry OP. It does really hurt when this happens.

Try going out with someone else yourself. This relationship is sadly over.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2024 12:53

Jb854 · 10/02/2024 12:49

We have block eachother on everything. I know I need to move on, but our love was so strong so I just keep on hoping things even though it's not healthy and the right choice is to let her go

but our love was so strong

I'm sorry to say this just isn't true. If it were, she'd still be with you. The attraction may have been strong, but something has clearly changed for her and she needed to end it. You can still care about someone yet outgrow the relationship. I'm sorry this has happened but you are the one holding yourself back now.

Original poster
Jb854 · 10/02/2024 12:53

Yeah we were 19 male and female. I am from the Netherlands excuse my english and she is from sweden

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 10/02/2024 12:53

If your love was that strong she wouldn't have broken up with you.

She wants to see what else is out there but with the safety of you, her plan b. She's telling you what she thinks will keep the door open if she can't find better out there

TheShellBeach · 10/02/2024 12:55

Jb854 · 10/02/2024 12:53

Yeah we were 19 male and female. I am from the Netherlands excuse my english and she is from sweden

So you're not in the same country anymore?

You sound really devastated. Have you got any friends you can hang out with?

falalalalalalalallama · 10/02/2024 12:59

Heartbreak sucks. It feels like you'll never get over it, that you can never imagine yourself being with anyone else. But that's your emotions playing a trick on you. It's not actually true.

Trust me, time really is a great healer.

You need to put one foot in front of the other and move on. Don't contact her.

Try and focus on things that don't involve her. Reconnect with friends you haven't seen for a while. (Your friends, not hers!). Do things you want to do that are for you.

Fake it till you make it. At some point in the future, this will be a distant memory, it won't hurt any more, and you will recognise that it was time to move on.

Original poster
Jb854 · 10/02/2024 13:03

Thanks yeah my friends help me alot they all say the same as everyone here. I've never been heartbroken before I'm just very sensitive person. It's very hard for me that she still wants to keep contact in the future and she is still in our family WhatsApp group it's just weird

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 10/02/2024 13:05

She’s keeping you as a back up option, just in case.

never ever be anyone’s second choice!

clean break , time to yourself and move on. If she truly loved you she wouldn’t treat you like this.

PossumintheHouse · 10/02/2024 13:10

Jb854 · 10/02/2024 13:03

Thanks yeah my friends help me alot they all say the same as everyone here. I've never been heartbroken before I'm just very sensitive person. It's very hard for me that she still wants to keep contact in the future and she is still in our family WhatsApp group it's just weird

Edited

It’s a horrible feeling, and unfortunately the only real healer is the ultimate cliche of time.
I’d respectfully ask your family to delete her from the WhatsApp group. That is ridiculous. She can’t ‘keep’ your family if you’ve broken up.

Dery · 10/02/2024 13:11

“Heartbreak sucks. It feels like you'll never get over it, that you can never imagine yourself being with anyone else. But that's your emotions playing a trick on you. It's not actually true.

Trust me, time really is a great healer.

You need to put one foot in front of the other and move on. Don't contact her.

Try and focus on things that don't involve her. Reconnect with friends you haven't seen for a while. (Your friends, not hers!). Do things you want to do that are for you.

Fake it till you make it. At some point in the future, this will be a distant memory, it won't hurt any more, and you will recognise that it was time to move on.”

This. For what it’s worth, I think what she’s doing is sensible. You got together very young and haven’t experienced adulthood as single people. I actually think it’s very important to spend some of your early adulthood single so that you know you can. I know cases like yours where the couple have reunited and cases where they haven’t but I can understand her desire to have some freedom from the relationship rather than just drift into settling down.

She needs out of your family WhatsApp group though. You can’t have her there. It will hinder your recovery.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 10/02/2024 13:20

Oh you poor thing. It's horrible when someone breaks up with you, especially when you didn't see it coming.

But there are other people out there for you. Have a wallow, cry, be miserable, but try to embrace this opportunity to get out and meet new people yourself. Don't, whatever you do, sit around for six months waiting for her. She might be back, but she won't be the same person anymore. She'll have done new stuff and met new people and seen things you haven't. If, by the remotest chance you do get back together, then you need to be on a par with her, so make sure YOU get out, do new stuff and meet new people, so it's not just her telling you everything you've missed.

And, of course, once you've seen what the world has to offer, you might not want her back anyway.

TheShellBeach · 10/02/2024 13:34

Can you ask your family to delete her from the WhatsApp group?

Having her there is a painful reminder of a relationship that is now over.

Please, please don't imagine for a minute that she will want to rekindle this in six months' time. She won't. She is just hoping that in six months you'll be feeling better about it and will hopefully have moved on yourself.

I'm so sorry, OP. It does hurt so much.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 10/02/2024 13:56

I assume she contacted your family because she felt she’d become part of their family and had to split up with them too.

but yes, you are her “would make a great dad plan B”.

she might get in touch in 6 months time, don’t fall for it, accept you weren’t enough and there’s always going to be a fear she’s got her eye out for a better option. Be someone’s plan A.