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Original poster

Getting back with ex who slept with someone else

40 replies

Tiny542 · 10/02/2024 09:47

If your ex and you had broken up and he has been intimate with someone else/other people in the time you have broken up - say within 6 months. would you be able to forgive this?

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 10/02/2024 09:52

If you weren’t together for months what’s the issue ?He didn’t cheat.
He would need to be checked for stds but that’s the same for any for any new partner
whats worrying you ?

Original poster
Tiny542 · 10/02/2024 09:56

@Pumpkinpie1 I’m not quite sure if I’m honest. I completely see where you are coming from and it is sense! But for some reason I don’t think I could get over this? I would still feel like I’ve been betrayed and I’ve no idea why.

OP posts:
Usernamechange1234 · 10/02/2024 10:01

There is generally a reason why you broke up in the first place so his behaviour inbetween would be the least of my thought processes into getting back together.

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 10/02/2024 10:03

It doesn't really matter if anyone else could get over it, the problem is that you can't get over it.

If I felt the same way you do then I wouldn't even attempt to get back together, it will play on your mind, and the relationship will be miserable.

BelindaOkra · 10/02/2024 10:06

Depends on why you broke up. My (now) dh and I had several breaks & both slept with others. But we split up because we weren’t in the same country for years on end. Once we were both more settled it was the right time & here we are decades later.

But if you split up because you weren’t getting on & now he’s getting bored because he’s been dumped or whatever that’s a bit different.

samestyle · 10/02/2024 10:27

I don't think I could, if he's chosen to try and move on with someone else rather than you, he's coming back because it failed with them and you are familiar, a few different people within 6 months, says he's just looking for casual sex and could be trying to use you and take advantage if he knows you still have feelings for him.

Mrsttcno1 · 10/02/2024 11:51

There’s nothing to forgive, if they were single at the time they haven’t done you wrong.

Whether you like it or not is different.

Depends on how long the relationship was really for me and reasons for splitting, but regardless it’s not something to forgive

PossumintheHouse · 10/02/2024 11:59

What? Yes, of course. You weren’t together. It’s none of your business. There’s nothing to forgive.
If you’re hung up on this, just don’t do it. You’ll both drive each other round the bend.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 10/02/2024 12:07

I have no idea why you think there's anything to forgive. He was 100%. It's not cheating.

You either chose to get over it and start afresh or you don't.

If it's the big an issue for you, why are you considering etc back together?

By only caveat is If it was your mother, sister or best friend. Then that is a problem.

Newusername7 · 10/02/2024 12:11

There’s nothing to forgive, you weren’t together. However, you can decide not wanting to be with someone who has slept with X just as you can decide not being with someone who wears a green hat or has cereals for breakfast.

WandaWonder · 10/02/2024 12:11

So ex is single so what does it matter? Seems weird to me

nameForThis99 · 10/02/2024 12:24

Mrsttcno1 · 10/02/2024 11:51

There’s nothing to forgive, if they were single at the time they haven’t done you wrong.

Whether you like it or not is different.

Depends on how long the relationship was really for me and reasons for splitting, but regardless it’s not something to forgive

100% this - you were not a couple - nothing to forgive, he could do whatever he wanted ( as so you could).

GreyCarpet · 10/02/2024 12:29

There's nothing to forgive as he didn't do anything wrong.

What you need to consider is whether you can handle it.

I broke up with someone for a few months and then (foolishly in retrospect) got back together with him.

I have no idea if he had sex with anyone else during that time. I slept with three men. I didn't share that information with him. It was none of his business as it would have been none of mine if he had.

That doesn't mean you have to accept it in your relationship but there is nothing to forgive.

SamW98 · 10/02/2024 12:35

I dated a guy for a couple of years and we split for about 6 weeks then got back together. I later found out during those 6 weeks he’d been seeing (and presumably sleeping with) he ex her dated before me.

It bothered me tbh and we didn’t last much longer though I wonder if it would have been random he slept with rather than his ex I might not have been as bothered

Redrose23 · 10/02/2024 12:35

No, but that’s because of how I perceive sex and relationship. For some, like those above who slept with many man within a few months of breaking up, sex is not a sacred thing. For me, if he had sex with someone else, I couldn’t be with him again. Especially if he was the one that did the breaking up. Perhaps if I had it would be different. But to me it would speak to the strength of their feelings for me. If someone can move on with someone else so quickly, what’s the actual point of being together, as it’s clearly not the real deal. I’ve been broken up with someone 9 months, and couldn’t even talk with another guy, never mind get close to them in any way. I miss my ex a lot, and I don’t want to break the bond with him, I don’t want to force myself to anyway, I want to heal fully, and know that we will definitely never be together again, and grieve all we shared, and when it’s really love, that can take a long time. There is still hope there.

KarmaLife · 10/02/2024 12:38

I get where you are coming from op, but agree with others nothing to forgive. This happened to me and I hated that he'd been with someone else and found it difficult but just had to put it out of my mind. We didn't last very long on the second go but that was for lots of reasons all related to why we split in the first place.

vincettenoir · 10/02/2024 12:45

Yeah, I don't date monks.

Purpleberet · 10/02/2024 23:23

If it was me it would depend how long we’d been together and how long until they slept with someone else. If I’d been with someone a few years, I’d probably feel a bit affronted if they slept with someone within a few months, even though they’d be perfectly entitled to do so.

kkloo · 11/02/2024 02:51

I would judge this on a case by case basis tbh, totally depends on the circumstances of the break up and the dynamic between the people.

Newnamehiwhodis · 11/02/2024 02:54

It depends. If he was like my ex and triangulated, made a big deal of it and kept talking about the women , I would absolutely not get back together. It matters how he handles it.
also If he criticized them, thinking to flatter and say “they were not half as wonderful as you” etc, I would not get back together with him.

and the person who said that he’s an ex for a reason has a point. I’d really be cautious , but that’s me.

if you don’t feel comfortable, that’s valid.

JoanCandy · 11/02/2024 03:40

I did this. We were apart, he'd done nothing wrong in meeting someone else <but> if we ever spoke on the phone to tie up the loose ends of our divorce he would tell me he still loved me, wished we were still together (all while being with his new partner) ... yadda, yadda.
Long story short, they split up and we tried to make a go of it again. Big mistake for lots of reasons.
I'd let sleeping dogs lie, OP.

ChorizoDog · 11/02/2024 03:58

Can anyone else hear Ross yelling 'we were on a break'?!

GreyCarpet · 11/02/2024 04:12

ChorizoDog · 11/02/2024 03:58

Can anyone else hear Ross yelling 'we were on a break'?!

No. Because back in the teal world, they'd split up and decided to get back together after 6 months.

He could have gone and shagged someone else the next day if he'd wanted to. He still wouldn't have done anything wrong.

HenndigoOZ · 11/02/2024 04:23

Tiny542 · 10/02/2024 09:56

@Pumpkinpie1 I’m not quite sure if I’m honest. I completely see where you are coming from and it is sense! But for some reason I don’t think I could get over this? I would still feel like I’ve been betrayed and I’ve no idea why.

I guess because it implies that he could quickly move on, whereas if you are considering reconciling you would probably like to see some signs that he grieved the relationship loss, missed you, couldn’t live without you etc etc to increase your confidence second time around.

Have you both discussed it? Was he the one who approached you for a reconciliation?

Psychoticbreak · 11/02/2024 16:02

I understand the break up and technically he would have been single but I wouldnt be able to forgive it personally. It would play on my mind. That said I am not over my ex and could not even consider being with someone else so dont understand how he could.