Shall I give 2nd child ex last name

[Tiny542]

We have a toddler together who has his surname. He has always been a distant partner/father and he is even worse this time round with 2nd baby. He has no interest what so ever - left me when I was 25 weeks pregnant. He is quite narcissistic and is trying to worm his way out of child maintenance and playing victim even though he wanted it this way!!! He’s asked how “it” is twice… (it meaning baby - we don’t know gender but besides the point)

anyway I was going to give the baby his surname as I want it to be the same as our toddler… even though he doesn’t deserve it! What do you think? … it’s been 7 weeks and he clearly isn’t going to change or want his family back.

No, of course you don't give the baby the name of a shit, absent father who's trying to wriggle out of paying meagre child maintenance.

Most people of here think the child should have the mums surname even if they are in a happy marriage. I gave both dds their dads name. I mean whatever happens he is still the dad?

You'd give a child the surname of a father who has "no interest whatsoever" in them?

Absurd.

'He has always been a distant partner/father'

Why on earth would you get pregnant again by him?

Poor kids.

Calmly your child whatever you want, it's sad that their father is a deadbeat but I suppose it will be even worse if you all have different names so you might have to use his name just so you and your children match.

What a sad mess.

@MissRheingold Thanks for your reply. Although talk about kick someone when they are down…. Second baby was not planned and it is not in me to terminate so here I am.

it is extremely sad that he is a deadbeat and of course this isn’t what I wanted for both children. No one would ever want this.

Give the baby your surname and then look to change your toddler's name in the future so you'll all have your name

That's not true.

Traditionally, the child has the mum's surname but when the parents are married, this is often the same name as the father.
I have no idea why an unmarried woman would give her childen someone else's surname. I didn't and no one questioned it. Not even him.

I mean, his mum questioned it once but everyone else seemed to think it was the sensible thing to do.

I've absolutely no idea why anyone would give a child their ex partners surname.

I've been on MN well over a decade and I don't think I've seen anyone tell a happily married woman not to give a baby her husband's name.

When you aren't married that's different. In this situation the OP is not even with the father.

If me no way would I give baby his name i’d also change toddler’s name - it’s very easy to do.

It's not easy to change the toddlers name if the father has PR.

In order to legally change a child's name, you need consent from all parties with PR.

Giving my DD her dad's name was the most idiotic thing I ever did. We weren't married and the relationship was over by the time she was 3.

When she started school I filled in 'known as' my surname on the school registration form so she had the same surname as me.

She goes by my surname but legally has her dad's name. So her passport, NHS etc... are all her legal name.

When she gets old enough it's up to her what she wants her name to be.

In your shoes, I'd give your new baby your surname and do a 'known as' for your toddler. That way you all have the same name with no legal battles.

If it was your first child together I'd say give baby your name.

As toddler already has his name, I'd give the new baby it too as I'd want them to both be the same. Either that or get him to agree to change toddlers name first, then give baby yours.

Either way, I'd make sure both dc had the same - that would be far more important to me than whether it was his or mine.

My ex left me at 7 weeks pregnant and I haven't heard from him since.

Child has my surname - as I'm the only parent on the birth certificate and I didn't want the stress of travelling abroad and being stopped with different surnames.

Why would you give a baby his surname when you've said he's a distant father.

Also, surname doesn't matter for CMS purposes. It just means a dna test will be done if he says he's not the dad & not on the birth certificate. (I think they'd do a dna even if he was on the birth certificate if he just says he's not sure he's the dad)

Going against the grain here a little.
Is dad going to be on birth cert? If yes then it's doesn't matter if its your surname or his. I would personally use dad's so that both children share the same name as each other. You already don't share your surname with your toddler anyway. My 2 sons have different fathers, so different surnames & we gave them the same middle name instead. But really, it just a name, no one owns it nor does it effect any bond we all share.

Until fairly recent times, if you weren’t married children had mum’s surname.

OP, in your circumstances I’d consider changing the toddler’s surname to yours so all 3 of you have the same surname

Will he even show up to register?
If you're not married you can't put him on the birth certificate if he's not there.

Of course not. And you should go to court to give first child a double barrelled version, if not yours.

Mine have both because they're our mutual children, so why would they have one name? My kids father is a wonderful, hands on, loving father. Couldn't ask for better.

Give your youngest both your surnames (with or without hyphen) and look to try to get your toddler’s changed to be the same. Either your ex could agree to it or you could go down the legal route. A judge is far more likely to agree to add your surname rather than swap one surname for the other.

For roarrfeckingroar

Did you read the OP, or are your rose coloured spectacles clouding your vision?

@viques my point was the child should at the very least have double barrelled and ideally just have hers

When your child has a child will that child have four surnames?

This.

do not give #2 his surname.

Tradition is that children have the same last name as their mother. This tradition still makes sense today. The only difference nowadays is that mothers often don't have the same last name as the father. Why women give their children different last names to themselves is something I will never understand.

I think you should add your name to the toddlers so when the new baby is born they will have the same name as their brother / sister.
Remove this loser in name and reality from your DC lives.